I don’t understand this story at all.*
Larry Storch is no relation to the late comedian of “F Troop” fame, but is a defiant, uncivil 89-year-old scofflaw who insists on driving around his North Carolina community with his sound system at eardrum-popping levels. “They’ve been giving me noise tickets for years,” Storch said. “I guess they thought their tickets would deter me, but every time I paid off a ticket I’d stop by the speaker place on the way home and add a little more boom to my zoom.” Good for you, Larry; by the way, you’re an asshole. His latest arrest for breaking noise ordinances brought him before a judge who was ready to throw the book at Storch, but who had a peculiar way of doing it. Lenoir County District Judge Robert T. Ironside—who is no relation to the wheelchair-bound Robert T. Ironside played by post- “Perry Mason” Raymond Burr in a CBS detective show—told him:
“You’ve come before this court many times over the years Mr. Storch. In the past I’ve fined you, sentenced you to community service, and at one point even forced you to watch the fourth hour of the ‘Today Show.’ Since none of those punishments have done anything to curb your jackassory behavior, I’ve decided to get medieval on where your butt — if you had one — would be.”
Whereupon he sentenced Storch, proud owner of a 1976 Aston Martin Lagonda, to blast “I’m A Little Teapot” out of his car speakers for 45 days.The noise-happy senior citizen received a CD featuring 37 different versions of the song as he left the courthouse. He is appealing the decision.
Let me get this straight, now. This idiot intentionally disrupts the peace with his loud music, so the judge sentences him to keep disrupting the peace with loud music, just loud music that the judge thinks the offender doesn’t like. How does this enforce the law? How does this serve the public? How is this a reasonable punishment, when it requires the law-breaker to keep breaking the same law? Why do the people in this story both have the names of TV figures from the Sixties? WHAT’S GOING ON HERE?????
I don’t know, but I would put Storch in jail, take away his license, and tell Judge Ironside to find another line of work. The are both unethical, menaces to society, and silly.
*P.S.: Everyone seems to think this story is a hoax, and perhaps it is. Probably it is, if one reads the nonsensical comments of Storch’s girlfriend, which Rick Jones quotes below. I also can’t find any record of a judge named Ironside. The guy who wrote the story is Jon Dawson, who you can contact at 252-559-1092 or email@example.com. Tell him for me he’s an unethical jerk. There’s nothing in the website or his column heading to indicate that he is writing humor or satire. I read crazy stories all week long, and this is far from the nuttiest, or the funniest: I don’t have time to check all the sources on every off-the wall story I read. The so-called new media, which already has bloggers blatantly misrepresenting facts on a regular basis, doesn’t need this junk to further degrade its credibility. Thanks, Jon, for wasting my time, and everyone else’s. If the Free Press won’t fire you, then we know how much it cares about its readers.
Graphic 1: PDXRetro
Graphic 2: Free Ring Tones FYI
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