Khloé Kardashian–thatr’s her on the right— was long the ugly duckling of the Kardashian sisters—taller, chunky, cruder features. Her travails at dieting and her insecurities in comparison to her more glamorous—but equally trivial and useless—sisters Kim and Kourtney was an ongoing theme in the brain-meltingly crude and cretinous reality TV show “Keeping Up With The Kardashians,” which has been making Americans idiotic for 16 years, enough time for Khloe’s half-sisters Kendall and Kylie Jenner to grow from little girls into professional sluts too.
After yo-yoing on the weight spectrum in full view of America, Khloé found the right combination of cosmetic surgery, exercise and diet to transform into Khloé 2.0:
Well, good for Khloé . Now she fits right in! See?
Somehow this all reminds me of the creepy Twilight Zone episode, “Number 12 Looks Just Like You.”
But I digress. Here’s the scandal:Khloé’s various sexual liaisons are hard to keep up with—she’s partial to NBA players—and the various affairs and infidelities her love life involves are reliable tabloid fodder. Lately a model named Jordyn Woods has become a Kardashian bete noir for her romantic involvement with one of Khloé’s exes, Tristan Thompson of the NBA’s Cleveland Cavaliers.
Quick Check: Do you feel yourself getting dumber as you read this? If so, stop immediately, and read this selection from Doug Hofstadler’s “Godot, Escher, Bach”:
“People enjoy inventing slogans which violate basic arithmetic but which illustrate “deeper” truths, such as “1 and 1 make 1” (for lovers), or “1 plus 1 plus 1 equals 1” (the Trinity). You can easily pick holes in those slogans, showing why, for instance, using the plus-sign is inappropriate in both cases. But such cases proliferate. Two raindrops running down a window-pane merge; does one plus one make one? A cloud breaks up into two clouds -more evidence of the same? It is not at all easy to draw a sharp line between cases where what is happening could be called “addition”, and where some other word is wanted. If you think about the question, you will probably come up with some criterion involving separation of the objects in space, and making sure each one is clearly distinguishable from all the others. But then how could one count ideas? Or the number of gases comprising the atmosphere? Somewhere, if you try to look it up, you can probably fin a statement such as, “There are 17 languages in India, and 462 dialects.” There is something strange about the precise statements like that, when the concepts “language” and “dialect” are themselves fuzzy.”
Better now? Good. Going on then…on last weekend’’s “Keeping Up With the Kardashians” finale, a distraught and drunken Khloe screamed this at a friend of Tristan’s using FaceTime:
“Tristan, fuck you if you can hear me! They both admitted it to me. Both of them. Fat fucking aholes! Don’t say that you didn’t do something that you fucking did when you both fucking told me that you kissed, bitches!”
Yes, formerly weight-challenged Khloé called another woman “fat.”
Suddenly, as if the veil had fallen from their eyes, the Kardashian throng on social media suddenly came to the realization that she isn’t a very nice person. The fact that she would behave in such a crude and vulgar manner while being filmed for a television show didn’t bother them, nor did all the hours and hours of evidence that every single member of the Kardashian family has the morals of a Borgia, the ethics of feral cat and the positive value to our culture of snuff films. No, it was the hypocrisy of a woman who fought her weight for so long suddenly mocking another woman for the supposed flaw because she was afflicted no longer.
Is that signature significance for mean, self-centered person who wouldn’t know the Golden Rule if it was wearing a “HI! MY NAME IS GOLDEN RULE!” badge?
I think so. As Dorothy Parker said, “Beauty is only skin-deep, but ugliness goes straight to the bone.”