Nestlé Clarifies Its Priorities, Or, In The Alternative, Is Run By Incompetents And Morons

Red Ripper

Now that the election is (probably) settled, we can get back to the business of flagrant corporate virtue signaling, groveling to the trace-bullies, and submitting to the political correctness police. Joe Biden was right! His election can restore normalcy to the world!

Nestlé, which owns candy giant Allen’s, will rename the candy brand known as “Red Skins” because because, you know, there’s that racist potato. Its crack marketing department, after doing its due-diligence, checking trademarks, employing focus groups and doing all the things we expect of international corporations, announced that the new, child-friendly, politically correct name of the candy would be “Red Ripper.”

The Washington, D.C. football team opted to change its popular, harmless nickname from “Redskins” to the far catchier moniker “Washington Football Team” as a desperate effort to join the George Floyd Ethics Train Wreck. You have to admit, “Washington Football Team” wouldn’t be a good name for a candy, but was it really a good idea for Nestlé to honor this guy…

-red-ripper-Andrei-Chikatilo

Andrei Chikatilo (that’s a more recent photo above the post) who sexually assaulted, murdered, and mutilated at least 52 women and children between 1978 and 1990 in Russia, the Ukraine, and Uzbek? He’s popularly known as “The Red Ripper”…

Red Ripper 2

So popularly known, in fact, that a simple Google search would have sufficed to let Nestlé know what the new name would evoke:

Wiki Ripper

Maybe “Washington Football Team” isn’t such a bad name for a candy after all…

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Pointer: NottheBee

32 thoughts on “Nestlé Clarifies Its Priorities, Or, In The Alternative, Is Run By Incompetents And Morons

    • Wow! Great catch, Michael. Unbelievable. Umbro makes Nestle’s look competent. I have to wonder whether there was even some malice involved at Umbro. I’m sure they would have sold out those shoes in the Palestinian territories and among all the PLO and Hamas supporters throughout the world.

    • Two of my favorites: GM marketing the Chevy Nova in South America, though “No va” in Spanish means “no go,” and Coca-Cola not checking to see what its name might mean in Mandarin. “Bite the wax tadpole” was the answer.

      • A more recent GM one was the Buick Lacrosse. It was marketed as the Allure in Canada because in Quebec, Lacrosse means…well…to Toobin oneself.

    • In the life-competency files, the editors at Wikipedia have decided that “Washington Football Team” must be treated as a plural to ensure that the article’s grammar is perfectly consistent with all other American sports teams, and as tedious to read as possible. The opening line of the article is:

      The Washington Football Team are a professional American football team based in the Washington metropolitan area. Formerly known as the Washington Redskins, the team competes in the National Football League (NFL) as a member of the NFC East division.

      Compare to the Manchester United article for a different kind of football team across the pond:

      Manchester United Football Club is a professional football club based in Old Trafford, Greater Manchester, England, that competes in the Premier League, the top flight of English football.

      • The Redskins article must have been written by a Brit using the standard Brit English corporate plural. Hilarious. Eg., “IBM are making people redundant.” “Spurs are leading, Gunners are losing.” Another interesting Brit quirk: they never put an article/”the” before a team name. It’s never “The Gunners are losing.” It’s always “Gunners are losing.”

        • My understanding has always been that one change wrought by the Civil War is that we refer to ourselves as ‘The United States is’ versus ‘The United States are,’ a subtle but significant difference (I bet the Brits still say are), signifying that we are a single nation and not just a federation of states.

          I still think seeing the program note on my cable provider of something like ‘Chiefs vs. Football Team’ was rather amusing. But sometimes I am easily amused.

  1. In NJ a “ripper” is a hot dog cooked in oil, made famous by Rutt’s Hutt. The United States Navy’s Strike Fighter Squadron 11 is also nicknamed “The Red Rippers” (all USN aircraft squadrons have unusual nicknames).

  2. It is so hard to be politically correct.
    As Steve noted, Red Ripper also is the nickname of the U.S. Navy’s Strike Fighter Squadron 11 (VFA 11). Their squadron emblem includes a boar’s head (from Gordon’s gin), a string of link sausage (referred to as bologna), a lightning bolt and a couple of red balls, supposed to typify masculinity.
    The official Ripper toast is, ‘Here’s to us, the RED RIPPERS – a damn bunch of gin drinking, bologna slinging, two-balled, he-man bastards’.”
    I was not able to find out about women assigned to the squadron, but, several are pictured on the Red Ripper Facebook site and appear to be members of the unit.

  3. That’s outstanding. Gotta’ love Nestle. Always known for their strong sense of corporate ethics.

    By the way, did you mean ” ‘flagrant’ corporate virtue signaling”? I think I like “fragrant” better anyway, since corporate virtue signaling really does stink.

    • My paternal grandmother on my father’s side was Chinese-American, and that happens sometimes.

      (Oh, I know that’s a politically incorrect joke, but I don’t care. It made be laugh when I thought of it.)

      • It’s a crying shame that it would no longer be acceptable for a show like Get Smart to have a villian like The Claw. One more sacrifice on the PC altar. One more slice in the death of civilization by a thousand cuts.

      • I recently found online an article with some information that I had been searching for on certain Rembrandt etchings. Oddly, it was in Japanese. Google translate did a pretty good job of converting to English, but one small but bizarre glitch stood out: It gave the word “raid” where it should have been “laid” (paper). I can only speculate on how that came about, but it made me smile.

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