There are two main strains among the culturally corrosive arguments in support of Tiger Woods. One, discussed in Part I, is the “great athletes don’t need to be great human beings,” a contention that chooses to ignore the inescapable fact that they are paid to behave like great human beings, whether they are or not. While this argument is mostly obtuse, the second strain is the more ethically offensive. Washington Post columnist Michael Wilbon embraced it with both arms in his defense of Woods entitled, “Some context on Tiger.” Its thesis: virtually all big-time athletes cheat on their wives, and if you had the opportunities and temptations they do, you’d cheat too. Translation: “It’s no big deal”:

“Comedian Chris Rock undoubtedly put it best when he said, “A man is only as faithful as his options.” …Actually, I can think of one athlete who was the most famous of his day whose name was never attached, that I know of, to any rumors of infidelity … Jackie Robinson. That’s it, that’s the list. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying every athlete is unfaithful. I’ve covered guys, some who played their careers in this town, that I would bet my own money are faithful. But they aren’t the greatest of their day…

Look, infidelity can take down elected officials (though not John Fitzgerald Kennedy and in the final analysis, not William Jefferson Clinton)…But it’s not taking down the greatest athletes of our time. And though there will be much ridicule, it ain’t taking down Tiger Woods either.”
Let me start by flagging Wilbon for adopting a double standard and showing blatant bias. Less than a year ago, when he was writing about another fallen idol after Olympic swimming idol Michael Phelps admitted smoking pot, Wilbon took the ethics hard line:

“…Michael Phelps, of his own free will, decided to trade on his image to the tune of $100 million or so, an image that surely doesn’t include drunk driving and getting high. This isn’t fine print; it’s in big block letters: DON’T SCREW UP! This is what Phelps agreed to, implicitly, when he signed on with AT&T, Visa, Hilton Hotels, Kellogg’s, Rosetta Stone, Speedo and Nestle, among others: to conduct himself without scandal . . . all the time.

“…People who stand to gain so much from their talent and image had better know by the age of 23 that a standard of behavior is expected of them that isn’t expected of other people their age. Of course, it’s a double standard, but Phelps is making $100 million for having to live through it every day.”

What explains the different reactions by Wilbon to misconduct by two megastars in their respective fields? If it was that smoking pot is illegal and adultery isn’t (at least in most states), then Wilbon was the one smoking something. Adultery isn’t illegal because enforcement would be nightmarish, but the relative consequences of an adulterous affair for a man with a family and one episode of getting high aren’t even close: adultery ruins lives. Everything Wilbon said about Phelps applies even more strongly to Woods. The real distinction: Tiger Woods is Wilbon’s friend. Wilbon was obligated to write that he couldn’t comment on the Woods scandal because he couldn’t be objective. He didn’t have the integrity and sense of fairness to do that.

Instead, he adopted the refrain so familiar to everyone who heard it ad nauseum from President Clinton’s flack team during the Monica mess, the most popular ethical rationalization of  all time, “everybody does it,” with the Chris Rock twist, “and men can’t help doing it, if they’re tempted enough.” Chris Rock is a comedian and is going for laughs; I don’t know if he really meant what he said, and I couldn’t care less. Wilbon’s use of it, however, to shrug off Woods’ conduct by simultaneously implicating  most major athletes and millions of husbands generally and then excusing them, is ethically and morally offensive.

I don’t want to suggest that Wilbon was the only one spouting this garbage. He wasn’t. Radio talk show hosts, especially of the male, conservative variety (Joe Scarborough was a prime offender), were saying similar things all week, leering and snickering. “Oh come on! Did you see the photo of that babe? Honestly, guys, good you turn that down? No way! And Tiger has women that hot throwing themselves at him all the time! Give him a break!”*

No, don’t. Men know they are hot-wired for infidelity, just like they are hot-wired for violence and peeing on walls. When they accept the societal responsibilities of adulthood, citizenship, wedlock and parenthood, they know that they have accepted commitments and obligations to do what is right, responsible, and constructive,  and to avoid the unethical, instinctive, and destructive…including sleeping around. If society wants to be civilized and to provide a stable structure for children to grow and thrive, it must not accept Woods-style misconduct with a giggle and a “boys will be boys.” Or even Wilbon’s fatuous, “superstars will be superstars.”

My father, Major Jack Marshall, Sr., U.S. Army (ret.), died earlier this week, at the age of 89. He was a golf enthusiast and loved to watch Tiger. I never got the chance to ask him about Woods’ behavior, but I think I know how he would have reacted.

My dad grew up without a father, because his abandoned him and his mother, after numerous affairs, to run off with a younger woman. His courageous mother cared for him during the Depression by taking menial jobs and fighting fiercely for his welfare and happiness.  Dad was awarded a Silver Star in WWII, graduated from Harvard and became a lawyer. His primary objective in life, however, was to be the best father and husband imaginable…and he was. Oh, he had other “options.” He hated cold weather, and had opportunities to work in California, but my mother’s family, including an invalid sister, was in Boston, and he agreed to live in the cold so she could take care of them. He was a charismatic, smart, funny man who had permanent income: his foot had been partially blown off by a hand grenade (it didn’t stop him from going back on the lines and fighting in the Battle of the Bulge), and the pension gave him financial flexibility. He didn’t use it to keep women on the side, which was an “option”; he used it to send both me and my sister to college and law school, saying, “I want you to enjoy school without having to work like I did.”

Oh, but how do I know that Jack Marshall Sr. didn’t have a fling or two? I know because he was home for dinner at 5:30 every single night, and turned down promotions and job offers that wouldn’t let him do that and be around every weekend too, to play catch with me, take my sister to the park and play in weekend bridge games that he hated, because my mother loves  bridge.

My Dad was like that because he believed in and lived by ethical values, and because he had seen first hand what happens to families when fathers take advantage of  Wilbon’s “options.” Like my father, indeed more so, Woods has the option of not subjecting himself to constant travel, lonely hotels and sexually voracious groupies. He has the money to stay home and be a good father and husband. Don’t tell me, or my Dad, or the millions of Americans who take their responsibilities, sacrifices and obligations seriously that doing what Tiger Woods chooses not to makes them fools or chumps. It makes them good Americans, family men and human beings.

It makes them better heroes and role models than Tiger Woods.

Wilbon, like his pal The Golf Idol, apparently only cares about the absence of consequences to the philanderer in such situations. No, John F. Kennedy wasn’t taken down by his serial affairs; they only tortured his wife, put American security at risk (an affair with an Israeli spy), compromised the criminal justice system (an affair with a mob boss moll), and risked certain impeachment and the disillusioning of a generation had his escapades been revealed. No, Bill Clinton wasn’t “taken down” by his affairs; they only humiliated his wife and daughter, forced his cabinet and supporters into compromising and conflicted situations, cost his associates millions in legal fees, destroyed several executive privileges for future presidents, convinced a generation of teenagers that oral sex “wasn’t sex,” occupied his and the White House’s attentions while the terrorist threat was building, and made George W. Bush president.

Yes, and Tiger Woods will keep winning golf tournaments. I’m sure his children will be thrilled to trade their father for some big child support checks.

No, Tiger, Wilbon, Joe Scarborough and the rest of you in the “everybody does it” chorus. Something as destructive, selfish and irresponsible as adultery would always be wrong, even if everybody did do it.

But everybody doesn’t. Sure, it can be difficult avoiding temptation. Doing the right thing is often difficult; if it were easy, we wouldn’t admire the ethical people among us. Doing the right thing is also important. It matters in the context of creating and maintaining a good and functional society. When someone as prominent and popular as Tiger Woods violates such vital societal values, we cannot just shrug it away, as Wilbon does.

It matters.

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* One of the side-effect of rationalization-driven defenses of bad conduct on the web is that it flushes out comments that adopt similarly flawed ethical reasoning. Several of Wilbon’s commenters referenced the ever-popular “everybody makes mistakes,” for example, apparently oblivious to the fact that having multiple-year adulterous affairs with more than one women cannot possibly be called “a mistake,” or even “mistakes.” It is a continuous progression of wrongful acts knowingly committed.