It seems to be down now, but the odor lingers on. And there is the matter of the billboards..

Let us stipulate, without really knowing, that YaVaughnie Wilkins has legitimate grievances with  her married former boyfriend, the distinguished Charles E. Phillips, who is president of tech conglomerate Oracle and a member of President Obama’s Economic Recovery Advisory Board. Let us assume that she was legitimately heartbroken and angry when he returned to his wife recently after engaging in an eight year affair with Wilkens, and that YaVaughnie (YaVaughnie??)  was taken by surprise, since Phillips’ wife had filed for divorce two years ago.

Never mind. Creating and publicizing a website, http://www.charlesphillipsandyavaughniewilkins.com, designed to expose the intimate details of a dead affair is indefensible. Setting out to publically humiliate Phillips is revenge, pure and simple. Revenge is unethical. Always.

As a tactic of love, this isn’t fair: trying to wreck anyone’s marriage never is. Wilkens can’t attack her ex-lover without harming his wife and family, and Wilkens has no right to do that. Whatever Phillips did, she (and he) owes his wife and family an apology, not an attack. But Wilkens, apparently, believes in vengeance, not accountability (there were two in that bed), not fairness or respect (what did Mrs.Phillips do to her, other than marry her man first?), and definitely not proportion. She has also erected huge, full color bill boards of her with Phillips, in New York (including Times Square, where the sign is three stories high), Atlanta, and San Francisco, where Wilkins lives, Phillips owns a home and Oracle has its world headquarters. This is estimated to have cost her $250,000, which, of course, she just as easily could have sent to Haiti. Or given to cancer research. Or spent playing pinball. Anything would be a better use than this.

The website, which may or may not return, takes the humiliation campaign a step further, including many photographs of the affair as well as copious love notes from Phillips.

Adulterous affairs are mistakes—ask Tiger Woods—and if you get into one, your goal should to get out of it having done as little damage as possible. Getting out of it and then seeking to do as much damage as possible out of anger and disappointment can never be the right thing to do.

But just to be on the safe side, please don’t tell YaVaughnie I said anything critical about her, OK?

She scares me.