I was going to ignore this until the issue of giving money to homeless people came up on a thread about the “hero” who made sure the illegal immigrants sneaking into the U.S. didn’t risk dehydration in the process.
The ubiquitous “Name Withheld” asked Prof. Appiah whether it would be uethical to give a friend down on his income and luck the money to remodel his kitchen, which is in dire need or repair, but to make the gift conditional on the struggling friend only using the money for that purpose. Apparently NW’s partner wants to attach strings to the financial “gift,” and “Name Withheld” doesn’t. The couple have been periodically giving their struggling, single-dad friend donations to help him make ends meet for some time.
How hard is this? If you want to make certain your gift is a kitchen remodeling—who is “Name Withheld,” Betty Crocker?—you say: “I am giving you a new kitchen. Here’s the number of a good contractor; have him send the bills to me. Just keep the cost within X dollars.” If you give someone money, the money is the gift. Sure, you can say, “Now, I’m giving you this so you can remodel that dump of a kitchen,” but you can’t say, “If you use the money for anything else, then I’ll want it back.”
Isn’t it obvious that a “gift” that you use to control the actions of someone else isn’t a gift at all? What The Ethicist’s questioner is talking about is a contract: “If you promise to do this, I’ll pay you.” He should put it in writing. This is an effort to use superior resources to control the behavior and life choices of someone else….all for the best of intentions, of course.
“The Ethicist,” however, sees nothing wrong with the “I’ll pay you do do what I want you to do rather than what you may want to do instead,” although, as is frequently the case, Prof. Appiah obscures his verdict in so much scholarly verbiage that he would have plausible deniability. “Paying for something specific needn’t be demeaning — you’re not going to be lording it over your friend — and it isn’t controlling, because he’s perfectly free to turn down what you’re offering him. He, not you, is in charge of whether he gets a new kitchen.”
It’s not controlling because he’s free to turn the gift down? You could say the same about somebody being tortured. “Hey, it’s his choice whether he wants to reveal the state secrets or have bamboo splinters under his fingernails!”
Ethics Alarms 
Maybe I am being too legalistic, but what is portrayed here is kind of a rudimentary trust agreement.
“I am giving you this money to be used for a specific purpose.”
Of course, it would be smarter to give the money to an independent trustee if you want it to be used for the intended purpose.
-Jut
Typical, “I know what’s best for YOU!” lefty thought and behavior.
When I first saw the headline of this post, I thought it was about one of my hobby horses: compulsive remodeling. Mrs. OB and I watch way too much HGTV. (Any amount is too much, but there you have it.) Although of course, the network and the entire “home improvement” industrial complex draw their life blood from creating the impression that every house needs to be “updated,” where do these youngish people get the notion they need the latest interior to live in a house? It’s so wasteful. There’s always a segment called “demolition day” where the characters gleefully take sledgehammers to perfectly serviceable kitchen cabinetry. Where’s Jimmy Carter when you need him? When Mrs. OB and I started out as homeowners, we were just thrilled to have a place of our own. It didn’t need to look like a housewares or furniture showroom. Just too much greed out there. And I don’t think it’s just on HGTV, I suspect it’s become ingrained in the culture. And aren’t these people panicked about the environment? But they dump entire interiors in landfills and then buy all new stuff that’s taken all sorts of material and energy to manufacture and transport. Grr.
Isn’t giving a gift card to a restaurant or retailer the same thing. You are still telling the person how – in a macro sense- to use the gift but not the micro sense such that you are not designing or dictating the end purchase.
All retailer specific gift cards cannot be redeemed for cash. Even if you return what you buy with the gift card the store gives store credit via a new gift card.
And it’s why they are considered crummy gifts. I’m pretty sure I’ve let many more of the things expire than use them.