My mother, who resented aging and refused to “accept” it, constantly complained that younger people treated seniors like children or idiots. I would not expect the AARP to prove her point, but then, at a loss for bathroom reading material, I looked at the AARP’s “bulletin” tabloid. On the back page, I discovered, is a feature called “Wit and Wisdom.” Here is this month’s entire content of witty and wise repartee:
- Ken: “I hear you quit your job digging wells. Ben: “Yeah, I got fed up with the hole business.’
- Colin: “How would you describe a dry-erase board?” Caitlin: “Remarkable.”
- John: “Are waterbeds bouncy?” Jan: “Yes, if you use spring water.”
- Patient: “I need a cure for my paranoia.” Doctor: “We’ve been expecting you!”
- Molly: “How do cats settle an argument?” Wally: “They hiss and make up.”
- Customer: “I’d like a pizza delivered,. Will it be long?” Clerk: “No, it will be round.”
- Student: “Do chemists tell dad jokes?” Professor: “Yes, periodically.”
There isn’t anything vaguely wise or witty in any of those moldy puns. When I was a cub scout, I had a subscription to “Boy’s Life.” The back page had a feature called “Think and Grin,” and the jokes there were generally of a higher quality that that crap. There are so many legitimately clever jokes, one-liners and anecdotes out there, some of them true, that a little research and taste would uncover. Instead, the AARP infantalizes its member and view them as old geezers sitting around the radio cackling at “Lum and Abner” —which was also generally more clever than “No, round.” Heck, “Hee-Haw” had more wit and wisdom.
My dad, like me, had a sophomoric sense of humor. He also could quote Mark Twain, P.G. Wodehouse, S.J. Perelman, and Will Rogers—okay, also Henny Youngman— right up until the day I found him dead in his favorite chair. That AARP feature is disrespectful, lazy, and insulting.
Ethics Alarms 
You should see the fear porn they send out every month. We had to get an AARP subscription to get my medicare supplemental insurance. I despise AARP.
Last month’s FEAR PORN in a huge red image were several COVID headlines.
Special Report: Long COVID – how it impacts your heart, lungs and brain.
Our copy always goes directly into the recycle bin. That was on the front cover that I read on the way back from the mailbox.
I love telling puns, but these are extremely lame. I remember the think and grin feature as well way back when. Most of those jokes were better than these. These aren’t even dad jokes.
Since we’re in October now, however, it’s time for Halloween jokes, so:
Did you hear the one about the phantom sailor who wanted to serve his country?
He joined the ghost guard! 🛥️
What did the ghostly teacher say to her students? 👩🏼🏫
Watch the board, I’ll go through it one more time!
Why did the skeleton go to the library? 💀🦴
He wanted to bone up on a few things!
Did you hear the one about the Italian chef who married the witch? 👨🏼🍳🧙🏻♀️
Their son became a great saucerer!
Did you hear the one about the ghost who tap danced? 👞👞
His name was BOO-jangles!
Honk! Honk! Wocka! Wocka! 🤣
Lots of laughs from the resident joker.
I have a job for you with the AARP.
Oh come on, my puns weren’t THAT bad. Maybe I’ll just have to try harder.
Did you hear about the maple syrup 🥞maker who was a hopeless romantic?
He was a total SAP!🍁
Where do the Three Stooges keep their money?
At the First National BONK! 🤕
did you hear about the reporter who moonlighted as an ice cream man? 🍦
He always got the scoop on everything! 😆
What color would Obama be if he got pressed in a hydraulic press? 👨🏿
Flat black.◼️
No, I meant they should hire you after they fire the hack responsible for the OTHER puns!
This one’s going on my CV:
You hear about the novice hunter that froze to death in Alaska? He was hunting bare.
Ah yes, I was at a flea market and I saw a hunting jacket that was reversible camo on one side and orange on the other. You wear the camo side out when you’re hunting duck, and the orange side out when you’re hunting deer. Want to know when you don’t wear it at all?
When you’re hunting BARE!
Ironically, when you’re wearing the camo side you have to be ready to duck…
Not all it’s quacked up to be.
Well you had me up until the last one. Boo on that one.
I reckon I have low punny standards, most of the AARP garnered a brief chuckle.
Wit & Wisdom, though? Not a wise choice of words there.
Hmmmm! Why complain? Vote with your feet. Drop your subscription to AARP.
1) It’s hard filling out those ballots with my feet, and
2) The dues pay for themselves with various discounts. That doesn’t excuse AARP for traying is own members like morons.
“Hmmmm!” So you’re kind of a “love it or leave it” guy, I gather? Good to know.
I think I’m more a “Make your choice and live with it” person. Aren’t those AARP Benefits available elsewhere? If so, GO!
Instead of demeaning AARP’s infantile punny approach to their Client Base (their problem not yours!), why not accept AARPs as it is … or develop an alternative?
Consider Bill Bonner dictum, Hmmm! is grossly underused.
P.S.: I dropped my AARP membership in the 90’s after letting the handcuffs of its Benefits hold me for 25 years.
David
Look up “The Julie Principle”—but organizations, unlike most human beings can be reformed.
There are plenty more substantial critiques which could be made of AARP, such as their left-leaning political activism and the Medicare supplement and Medicare Advantage plans they offer via United Healthcare. I joined AMAC (Association of Mature American Citizens) instead, in part because I was able to get bonus data on my PureTalk phone plan and a free 3-year extension of my AMAC membership with the PureTalk subscription. I’ve used a few other links to AMAC discounts, too, particularly for hotel rooms in towns without hotels in the loyalty programs I already belong to. And the daily AMAC emails are a useful resource for current-events coverage from a conservative perspective.
As to lame puns, certainly more clever jokes would be entertaining, too, but I’ve always loved a bad pun myself. My only problem is that, when I make them, they often include an obscure cultural reference, which no one else picks up on.
They don’t respect their own members, and this is a tell. They just need members to have lobbying power.
We belong to AMAC as well, and definitely appreciate the more conservative stance it takes. We have used the hotel discounts numerous times.
I’m old enough to remember when you had to be 50 to join AARP. I mean, what part of ‘Retired Persons’ applies to 20 somethings?
But really, I dropped AARP when I came to realize that my dues were being used to lobby against policies I wanted to see passed in Washington (I think they opposed both Bush proposals on Social Security and immigration reform), or lobby for stuff I hated (like Obama care). I did later hear about AMAC but haven’t joined as yet. Perhaps I should, if only for the same reason I support the Babylon Bee.
Discounts: One thing I’ve noticed when making hotel reservations is that most hotels offering discounts offer the same discount for AAA as for AARP. I’ll have to keep an eye out for AMAC discounts.
——————-
Regarding their Covid mongering, that doesn’t surprise me. I am sure AARP also was a fan of lockdowns and vaccine mandates.
I recently had my annual wellness exam and my doctor asked me if I was getting the latest Covid booster. When I said no, she asked why. I’ll admit that I only gave one of the true answers: When I got the first three shots, I got an increasing reaction with the 2nd and 3rd. It wasn’t anything major but it seemed clear to me that the reactions would only get worse.
Of course, the other true answer is that since then I have come to learn that these are not really vaccines, but more prophylactics to perhaps lessen the severity of your inevitable bout(s) with Covid. Certainly when I understood them to be actual vaccines, I was all for getting them.
I initially joined AARP about fifteen years ago, primarily for the discounts associated with membership. I dumped them for AMAC over their left-wing politics and their love affair with Big Pharma and industrialized medicine.
They still shower me with mail in sufficient volume to make me question their priorities.
Thirty-five years ago, the AARP was at the forefront of crime prevention and personal safety programs for older citizens. They provided a wide range of training materials to law enforcement agencies free of charge. I taught a number of crime prevention programs using their resources throughout the 90s. That’s all gone now since they have jumped on the leftist bandwagon.
One of my late uncle’s favorite puns was, “What did the monkey say when the train ran over his tail? ans. “It won’t be long now”. Most older people get it but in my experience no young person I put that question to understood the answer. Sad, really.
I dunno, Jack. There seems to be a whole new industry involving “dad jokes” most of which rely on really dumb puns. These look like jokes in that vein, so perhaps AARP is simply following a trend of silly jokes and one liners similar to “take my wife – please!”
jvb
Better late than pregnant.