The alternative headline was “We’re the government and we’re here to help you, we just don’t know what the hell we’re doing!”

For New Year’s Eve last night, in order to keep local revelers safe and as a nice, Big Brother wants to end the Old Year and start the new one showing that he cares gesture, Minneapolis and St. Paul, Minnesota had announced that Metro Transit would let customers ride free from 6 p.m. to the end of service on all routes including the return trip on the Northstar commuter rail after the Vikings-Packers game at U.S. Bank Stadium. The “Miller Lite Free Rides” promotion covered all buses and light rail, sang the public transit authority: “No fare, no coupons; simply hop on and take a seat for free!”

However, for some ridiculous reason, many of the main lines were scheduled to complete their final runs before midnight. The official reason was because Black Lives Matter planned its first 2024 mostly peaceful demonstration as the new year rang in downtown, and didn’t want white celebrants to be able to flee.

Just kidding! In fact, there was no reason at all for the self-defeating schedule other than typical municipal government bureaucratic incompetence

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