“I invited him? I thought YOU invited him!”
The Ethics Alarms week just completed week was notable for the bizarre and lengthy argument over proper conduct by wedding reception hosts, prompted by my criticism of advice columnist Carolyn Hax. It is with some trepidation that I now ask: Can we agree that this is the worst wedding reception guest ever?
The guest is Omar Santiago, a young lad invited to the reception by the brides’ niece, who probably needs to cultivate better taste in boyfriends. Omar was observed around midnight doing something suspicious in a closet at the West Sayville (New York) Country Club as the less larcenous guests were bunny-hopping. The maitre d’ asked bride Joanna Williamson if she had directed a young guest to handle her gift box. Why no, she hadn’t, Williamson replied—Holy cats!! Someone is stealing our wedding gifts?????
Indeed he was, so Joanna and Larry, the groom, rounded up a tough posse of tuxedoed and gowned celebrants to chase the miscreant down. The wedding thief ran into a bathroom and stuffed the envelopes down his pants, then managed to elude his pursuers sufficiently to dash out of the club. They caught him near the tennis courts, though, and gave him quite a pummeling, I’m told. He had thousands of dollars in in cash and gift checks in his pants.
Now before we all condemn Omar for what would seem to be rock-bottom behavior for a reception guest, we should pause to reflect on these sage words from Livvy1234, the star commenter on the previous wedding reception thread, who reminded us that
“…all relationship is based on the image that you have built about another and the other has built about you. Right? You cannot argue it, it is so. And these two images are the result of many years of memories, experiences, knowledge, which you have built about each someone and they about you. That is part of your consciousness. What is the relationship when there is no image at all between you and someone? Then what is relationship? If the image has come to an end, which is the content of consciousness that makes up your consciousness, when the various images you have about yourself, everything, come to an end, then what is the relationship between you and someone? So, the mind- (includes brain, the physical organism, the totality) that mind has lived within the field of fragmentations, which makes up its consciousness, and without its content the observer is not. And when the observer is not, then relationship is not within the field of time that exists when there is the image you have about someone and someone has about you. Can that image come to an end as you live daily? If the image does not come to and end THEN THERE IS NO LOVE. It is then one fragment against another fragment.”
Ah. So this all might have flowed from a faulty relationship structure. Or something.
My question: should he still send a thank-you note?
If only Omar had written to Carolyn Hax…
_______________________________
Facts: New York Post
Graphic: Mesasafe
Ethics Alarms 
No, he need not send a thank-you note. Remember, his truth is different than others. In this case, others ‘truth’ is that they attended a wedding reception, AND got to kick the ass of a thieving douchebag. His ‘truth’ is that he attended and GOT his ass kicked for being a thieving douchebag.
I would hope that he would be able to spend a few hours experiencing the diverse cultural norms of another culture beating him senseless, but he probably passed out in just a few minutes.
17 paragraphs of random free-association
cut-and-paste nonsense Zen self-esteem drivel
I would close by pointing out that my dog Bo eats purple flowers, we ain’t got much but what we got’s ours, and I dig rain and snow and bright sunshine.
This is absolutely my last post on this, unless I think of something else to say.
I accept that you feel this way.
Oh, deary, deary me. Omar is a thief. But an opportunistic one who took advantage of a major breach in wedding etiquette on the part of both the bride and guests. Cards containing cash, checks and gift cards are to be handed directly to the happy couple as they make the rounds of the reception tables greeting each of their guests after dinner. The bride carries a lovely money bag just for the purpose of collecting these gifts. The pouch should only leave the bride’s person if it is placed in hands of a responsible caretaker, such as daddy or mum-in-law. Modern couples find the money bag tradition tacky so the tradition has given way to the sealed card box or the groom placing envelope gifts in his pocket. That IS why gentlemen have pockets, yes?
Omar is not a thief, he just made a bad choice. god said to forgive, if he is a thief, then you are the devil. if you believe. for the money that you have , go to church and pray that he would be forgiven , just like i will do. anything that you say applying to something bad towards this situation, jesus is the answer !!! he’s human like everyone, we all make mistakes, no one is perfect, not even you, im sure you stole before.( form the candy store.) just ask jesus !!! because your backyard is not clean, because of the things that you have said.
#just ask jesus !!! have a bless day 🙂
Whoa.
1. Omar is, by definition, a thief. He’s just not a very successful thief.
2. We all make mistakes, but we all don’t steal the wedding gifts of a couple that his hosting us and paying for our drinks.
3. That’s more than a mistake.
4. When I steal someone’s wedding gifts, I expect no more sympathy than I am giving Omar, which is to say..
5…NONE.
Let’s play “count the rationalizations and invalid arguments”!
I see 8 occurrences, though some of them are repeats. Anyone else?
After re-reading, I see the couple HAD a gift box. It should not have been placed in a “closet” and should certainly never be placed by an exit where a would-be thief could take the money and run. Omar may well be the worst wedding guest ever but the young couple was naive. Young people just don’t understand the wedding reception. It isn’t a frat party where they are free to get drunk with wild abandon and dance the night away. The reception is for the guests and the couple should be ever vigilant to looking after their guests’ comfort and entertainment. “But I don’t want to carry around a bunch of envelopes! Whine, whine, whine!” My advice, if you do not wish to follow proper wedding form, don’t have a big fancy country club wedding. Many formal wedding receptions have devolved to $30,000+ drunken bacchanalia.
Stop, you’re killing me…
Note: If anyone reading this is throwing a $30,000+ drunken bacchanalia, or even a cheaper drunken bacchanalia, please invite me. Jack can contact me.
the “young” couple you are referring to are in their early 50s…just an FYI.
As a former teacher of Omar’s, I am very disappointed. His actions were certainly unacceptable but I’m not sure that he understood any better. Honestly, had this been my wedding, the end result would’ve been us both in handcuffs.
thank you , for posting : ) nice comment unlike these other fools with the negative comments.
5th name. Similarly dumb comment. You do know that I see your e-mail address, right?
I have no idea what your comment means. Why would you be in handcuffs? He’s 18, and he doesn’t know any better than not to steal wedding gifts? What did you teach him? Maybe you should be in cuffs anyway…
I think the handcuffs are just one flavor of the standard hyperbolic “I would’ve been so upset, I would have killed/beat/defenestrated him”.statement.
I’d also say that while one good teacher does sometimes make a difference, the mere fact that one of a teacher’s pupils ended up acting badly does not necessarily mean the teacher was bad.
Yes, but a teacher who says his ex-student didn’t comprehend that stealing wedding gifts was wrong has to show me that 1) he didn’t pass said student and 2) he duly warned the community that a sociopath was on the loose.
No grade or specific subject was mentioned. I’d say that an Algebra teacher or a World History teacher shouldn’t be passing a kid based on their non-classroom related ethics. That should all be hammered out in elementary school. I’d also say the community at large is the wrong group to warn/contact; the parents/guidance counselors would be appropriate people to contact when a child gets to tween years without knowning basic right from wrong.
So he believed that the kid didn’t know what he was doing, yet still would have killed him? That’s his statement?
Hmm.. I guessed Concerned Citizen was female for some reason.
I think you missed the part about hyperbole. I’d also say that I don’t particularly like Concerned Citizen’s statement, but I think your reason for attacking it was off.
Admittedly, “Teddy” and his alternate personalities have me cranky. Why are people standing up for Omar?
See: Livvy.
I think this is more likely a case of personal involvement, and protect the herd bias.
Yup.
I am the bride that Omar stole from. We are not a “young” couple, although I don’t consider 50 old. We did not have a frat party wedding that turned into a drunken bacchanalia where everyone was dancing with “wild” abandon. The box was being watched, however, Omar stole the box as everyone was leaving and our attention was on saying goodbye and thank you to our guests. We did not expect any member of our family to bring such a low-life to our wedding (our mistake). To try and blame the victims for any crime is disgraceful. You should be ashamed.
You’re young to me, kid!
I’m so sorry your day had to be marred by this. And yes, blaming you in any way is outrageous.
I hope you have spoken to your niece and she is working assiduously in developing better taste in men. That didn’t bode well.
The great Alan Sokal in his landmark paper “Transgressing the Boundaries: Towards a Transfomative Hermeneutics of Quantum Gravity”, references the “morphogenetic field” first proposed by Rupert Sheldrake, in which the morphic resonance serves as a feedback mechanism between the resonance field and the mophic units (in this case Omar and the members of the posse) as they add to the akashic record of the collective unconsciousness the experience of the pummeling and instant karma.
To quote Livvy1234, “So, the mind- (includes brain, the physical organism, the totality) that mind has lived within the field of fragmentations, which makes up its consciousness, and without its content the observer is not” is still operational within the morphogenetic field, since the mind is not not, and therefor is, which eliminates the defeasible argument fallacy against “isn’t”, then, without a doubt I have to disagree to the maximal extent allowed by ego with Joe and insist a thank-you note at least be written to balance the ethical scales, even if not delivered and even if I am not sure which “he” the pronoun refers to in your question.
Thanks. That’s exactly what I was going to say.
I can say that it makes for good ( well, decent) Torchwood science.
I feel like an alien in a parallel universe. A parallel universe that’s been skewed about 180 degrees. My consciousness is really lost. Do I have one of those? A consciousness I mean?
So long as you recognize it’s epiphenomena.
CUT TO: Connie collecting gifts for her bridal purse. Paulie is watching.
PAULIE Twenty Thirty grand. In small bills, cash. In that little silk purse. Maron, if this was someone else’s wedding, sweet tomato!
From “The Godfather”
You know what happened to Paulie.
Money is the root to all evil, everyone. ! do you even know god, he says to forgive, we all make mistakes. You need to be saying “Jesus, Jesus. Jesus.” He would make the situation better for his family, and the people that love him, also for the people that he stole from.
# put that in your prayer, that he will be forgiven and everyone have a bless day!
Touching. But worthless.
Similar interesting grammatical, rhetorical, punctuatorial, and logicatorial styles as Teddy. Nice.
Oh this was already covered. Silly cross posting.
to all you negative people, if you can’t say anything good, don’t say anything at all. what happen you can’t take anything back. god say to forgive. god is not a god of negativity .
How many names are you going to post under? This is the 4th. A record. And not a coherent comment yet.
Samantha, Friend, Christopher, Teddy, et al. have (has) been banned, 1) For posting under different names to try to give the impression of an avalanche of support for his “position” 2) For persistent stupidity and irrelevance and 3) this last post:
“lets think about all the thing you done wrong. you have bones all in your closet. you know you used your girlfriends douchebag , and used her tooth brush. negative self !!!! call on jesus !! do you believe in god ? ?”
Man, I want to visit whatever alternate universe this guy’s from.
(Also, some of us don’t even have girlfriends).
No, you don’t.
Samantha, Friend, Christopher, Teddy, et al. want us to forgive.
In a similar situation I may be willing to forgive, that is when the miscreant is truly sorry for what he or she has done, compensated anyone adversely affected by those misdeeds, apologised properly, and shown that such transgressions are unlikely to occur again.
Until then, he or she can forget it.
Also, I wonder if Samantha, Friend, Christopher, Teddy, et al is seeing a psychiatrist about his or her multiple personality disorder.