Lookin’ pretty healthy there, Lori!

If you want to identify the opposite of an ethical human being, you need look no farther than New Jersey resident Lori E. Stilley.

Stilley, who is 40, told her family and friends in February of 2011 that she had been diagnosed with Stage III bladder cancer, and that things were looking grim. She had  undergone radiation and chemotherapy treatment, she said, and posted about her dire condition on Facebook and a personal website. Later, she said the cancer had progressed to Stage IV. Alas, she lacked health insurance health insurance, too. So her concerned friends and relatives raised money for Stilley, including a T-shirt sale, a fundraising banquet, a third fundraising event and a raffle. There was a meal calendar organized, so friends could bring the probably mortally ill woman food every day.

Stilley did her part to pay her bills: she wrote and sold an e-book about struggling daily with cancer. After she told friends she wanted to marry her boyfriend before she died, they planned the wedding and paid for the hall rental.  The gift cards added up to more than $1,500.

Then, in November when she had told everyone that she would check into a hospice for her final days, Stilley posted on a Facebook message saying she was feeling better and believed a miracle could be on teh way. As weeks went by and the miracle gained momentum, law enforcement personnel investigated.

It was all a scam.

Stilley has been arrested and charged with theft by deception.

The Lori Stilleys of the world do double damage. They harm those they deceive, of course, but the long-term damage they do to the generosity and the kindness of the culture is incalculably worse. Their sociopathic ways make many of us more reluctant to help others, to give those in need assistance, to have pity and sympathy, because those elements of caring become tempered and tainted with doubt, distrust, and cynicism. Nobody wants to be a mark or a patsy, and the Lori Stilleys of the world announce by their merciless exploitation of our charity, love and kindness that this is all we are—fools, lambs for the slaughter.

The challenge to us all is not so much to spot Lori Stilley before she takes advantage of us, but rather not to see her everywhere, in everyone.

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Pointer: Legal Blog Watch

Facts and Graphic: New Jersey News

Ethics Alarms attempts to give proper attribution and credit to all sources of facts, analysis and other assistance that go into its blog posts. If you are aware of one I missed, or believe your own work was used in any way without proper attribution, please contact me, Jack Marshall, at  jamproethics@verizon.net.