No, this post isn’t about Donald Trump, and I expect the inevitable “Get off my lawn, you kids!” mockery in response to it. All right, I’ll take it. Some adult has to remind the arrested development cases running the media, advertising, business and the nation—OK, I guess this is a little about Trump—that as hilarious as they seem to think boorishness, incivility and vulgarity is, their determination to lower standards of public speech below the water level in the gutter is cultural pollution.
At the televised Teen Choice Awards, Sarah Hyland, the young actress who plays the oldest and dumbest of the two Dumphy sisters on hit sitcom “Modern Family,” moved to the podium to present an award. Who knows, maybe the whole thing was concocted by her publicist to compete with the week’s buzz over the revelation that Ariel Winter, who plays the youngest and smartest sister, just had breast reduction surgery. Whatever the cause, Hyland tripped awkwardly on the way to the microphone and screamed out, as she recovered her balance, “Are you fucking kidding me??”
I did say she played the dumbest sister—good casting!
Hyland apologized to the audience and later on Twitter…for tripping. E!, which plays the role of the dumbest cable channel, responded on its website, “Oh, Sarah, you’re the best!” and “We’ve all done it!”
We’ve all screamed “fuck” in front of a formal wear-attired audience and TV cameras?
I’ve looked: I can’t find any columnist or news source that was critical of this display of shameless bad public manners by a celebrity, admittedly a minor one. I hope her mother at least had the sense and values to make Hyland suck on some Lifebuoy.
Or maybe she’s given up. Yet another merchandizer has jumped on the “smuttiness is fun!” bandwagon, office supplier W.B. Mason, which is now sporting a hilarious TV commercial in which a shocked customer says, over the phone—now swallow anything you are eating or drinking, because you are just going to burst out laughing, because this is just so witty, and you will wonder why the modern equivalent of Dorothy Parker, S. N. Behrman, Groucho Marx and George S. Kaufman is writing TV ad copy–“You’ve got to be shipping me!”
Shipping instead of shitting, get it? On TV! See, they made the audience think shitting, without really saying shitting, although, see, if you weren’t listening carefully, you thought for a second that the guy said shitting!
And yet there was more depressing to come, and you saw it in the PSA video above.
There is ethics corrupter Jimmy Kimmel, ABC’s cool late night creep who makes viewers upset their children for laughs and post the resulting meltdowns on YouTube so Jimmy can display them for his pathetic audience, telling a complicit Michelle Obama—the First Lady, the most admired women in the land, that her FNV program—“Fruit ‘n’ Vegetables” means “Eat your fucking vegetables.” Oh, he says “effin,” which means fucking just like “f___k” means “fuck,” which is why when I need to communicate “fuck” here, I write “fuck.”
And Michelle just smiles and jokes around with ol’ Jimmy as he says ” effin” repeatedly as if he doesn’t understand that Michelle’s program isn’t “Eat your fucking vegetables.” The First Lady. Role model. Someone parents point to and tell their children, “Be like her” to take their minds off of being like rich, beautiful, young, famous, potty-mouthed Sarah Hyland. Michelle’s message, other than “Eat your fruit and vegetables, because it’s the government’s job to tell parents what to feed their kids,” is “Oh, Jimmy, vulgarity is so much fun! Let’s make it acceptable too, by giving it the First Family’s stamp of approval!”
I couldn’t find any journalists or pundits with the integrity or values to criticize Michelle, either. I mean, look at those beautiful arms!
Oh, get off my effin lawn, all of you. Especially you, Mrs. Obama.
I expected better of you, though I’m not sure, at this point, why.