In fact, it makes me hate lawyers, and just about everyone I know is a lawyer, including me. I am drowning in self-loathing.
Now pay attention. A class-action lawsuit filed in Fort Lauderdale federal court this month is based on the claims of Cynthia Kissne, and Leonard Werner that they shouldn’t have to pay for the cheese on their McDonald Quarter Pounders if the cheese is removed at their request. The lawsuit, filed by Andrew Lavin of the Miami-based Lavin Law Group, asks for 5 million dollars in damages for this injustice. The logic of the suit is that McDonald’s used to distinguish between the Quarter Pounder and the Quarter Pounder with Cheese, and charged a bit more for the latter. Now, however, the only version sold in the stores is the cheese version, but it is just called a Quarter Pounder. If you don’t want cheese, you say, “no cheese,” but you still pay the same price. The Horror. This is not an unusual practice in the industry, for obvious reasons. Burger King advertised that you could customize your Whopper, but removing stuff didn’t mean you paid less. Oddly, nobody sued.
This is a stupid, stupid lawsuit. [Now, don’t sue ME, Andrew, like a certain banned commenter I could name. This is just my opinion, after all, and you never know, I could be wrong. I’m just a legal ethicist. We don’t agree on anything.] It’s not a technically unethical law suit, because Rule 3.1 defining frivolous suits requires that the lawyer know a suit is hopeless, futile and unwinnable. This favors stupid lawyers as well as greedy ones, hoping for a long-shot to come in because a jury is cognitively impaired….and you never know. Lavin has a theory, after all. You can read about it here, if there isn’t an old re-run of “Three’s Company” you’d rather watch.
It all brings back a bad memory of a fight I got into with a nearby McDonald’s that caused me to boycott that particular branch forever. One of my son’s friends, when he was about 8, wanted a cheeseburger without ketchup, pickle and the other stuff the standard McDonald’s cheeseburger contained. He ordered a “plain cheeseburger,” and was handed a hamburger with no cheese,,,and was charged for a cheeseburger. I complained, and the store manager actually argued with me that a “plain cheeseburger” meant no cheese. I returned all of our order, got a full refund, and pronounced her an idiot before leaving, never to return.
I should have sued, I guess…
Pointer: Zoltar Speaks!