I can’t fully express how gratifying it has been to see so many among the commentariat enthusiastically participating in a mass trashing of “Imagine,” John Lennon’s grandstanding ode to faux ethics Karl Marx-style. As I have mentioned here periodically, I have detested the song since I first heard it, and have had dire suspicions about the brain pan depth of any acquaintance who teared up when the thing played. Inspired and encouraged, I put “Imagine” torture among the punishment options in today’s poll on the best way to wreak societal vengeance on the teens deliberately coughing on supermarket produce, and it’s doing surprisingly well:
A major assist for this Comment of the Day goes to Mrs. Q, who wrote,
Living in Portland it’s almost impossible to not hear this piece of shit song in every coffee shop, restaurant, and wherever else you’re trying not to loose your lunch. Once I was so aggravated at hearing it, I unethically told a fib to our waiter, that my (non-existent) sister committed suicide to the song. He turned it off and I enjoyed the rest of my meal…until Yellow Submarine came on. Karma indeed.
Imagine there’s no Imagine.
I was tempted to take up the challenge and compose an “Imagine There’s No Imagine” parody, but that would have required me to carefully listen to the song more than once, and I’d rather get the Wuhan flu. Chris Marschner beat me to it, saving my sanity and earning his Comment of the Day on the post, “Life Competence Note: There Is No Way You Will Look Smart Or Competent Quoting ‘Imagine'”:
I have begun rewriting the lyrics and ask all to assist and improve.
Imagine there’s no Seven-Eleven
It’s easy if you try
No Big Gulps for the thirsty
Just whole wheat and ryeImagine all the people
Living for today
So what else is new (ew ew)Imagine there’s no countries
It isn’t hard to do
Nothing to plan or hope for
It’s just a fuckin zooImagine all the people
Living life on the streets
They do (hoo hoo hoo)You may say that I’m a dreamer
But I’m not the only one
the Bernie bros will welcome you
And the world will be covered in pond scumImagine no possessions
I wonder if you can
that means no one can steal from you
Cause your home’s under the bridge spanImagine all the people
Huddlin to stay warm
(hoo hoo ooh ooh)You may say that I’m a dreamer
I’m not the only one
There are other nuts among us
Just put your possessions in that box over there
and I will dispose of them when I can.
Ethics Alarms 
Thanks. The idea was to make it a collaborative project as I am sure so many others have can tighten up the lyrics. I just wanted to give it a go.
I posted this on the the other thread, as a suggested replacement for the fifth stanza:
You may say that I’m a dreamer
But I’m not the only one
There are many more just like me
And we’re witless, dull, and dumb.
Thanks Jeff I will add that. It flows so much better. I am changing the first stanza to
Imagine there’s no Seven-Eleven
It’s easy if you try
No Big Gulps for the thirsty
No lottery to buy
update:
Second stanza:
Imagine all the people
Living with no pay, hoo hoo ooh ooh
As expected the commentariat has vastly improved my effort. Thanks all
Well, here lies another reason not to miss a single entry of “Ethics Alarms.” I take one day off and I miss the opportunity to rag on “Imagine.” I have hated that sphincter lock of a song all my life.
sphincter lock
Gut Laugh Leader Board entry and a great way to start out a Sunday!
Like my Dear late Father always said: “Paulie; a good laugh’s better’n a pill!”
Brilliant!
I’ve written parody/filks for SFF topics, but I really can’t help grouping issues. I really did not want to slice and dice Chris’ version. I hit other areas tho, so here’s another parody:
Imagine there’s no heaven.
No need to even try,
No respect for others,
No limits only sky
Imagine all the people living for today
ooh, ooh, oooh
Imagine there’s no countries
It isn’t hard to do
Bullies an’ coups to die from
And no protections too
Imagine all the people
Living on one street
ooh, ooh, oooh
You may say I’m a dreamer
But I’m not the only one
I hope someday you’ll join us
And the world need not be one.
Imagine no possessions
I wonder if you can
No smartphone apps or manga
No travel or streaming
Imagine all the people
Bored out of their gourd
ooh, ooh, oooh
You may say I’m a dreamer
But I’m not the only one
I hope someday you’ll join us
See, the world is wonderful.
Well done Marie
Well-deserved, Chris! And I’m still laughing at Mrs. Q’s story. Next time I hear that song in a store/restaurant, I’m going to be soooo tempted…
Thanks Joel. I agree sometimes screwing with the heads of obnoxiously pious people can be rewarding.
Thanks Joel. Be glad you don’t live in my town or you’d be tempted daily.
Updated version with collaboration from Marie and Jeff.
Imagine there’s no Seven-Eleven
It’s easy if you try
No Big Gulps for the thirsty
No lottery to buy
Imagine all the people
Living with no pay (whew hoo ooh ooh)
Imagine there’s no countries
It isn’t hard to do
Nothing to plan or hope for
It’s just a fuckin zoo
Imagine all the people
Living life on the streets
They do (whew hoo)
You may say that I’m a dreamer
But I’m not the only one
There are many more just like me
And we’re witless, dull, and dumb.
Imagine no possessions
I wonder if you can
that means no one can steal from you
Cause your home’s under the bridge span
Imagine all the people
Huddlin to stay warm (hoo hoo ooh ooh)
You may say that I’m a dreamer
I’m not the only one
The witless and dumb among us
won’t stop until they have won.
“they” in the last line should be “we” to keep the parallel structure with Jeff’s edits.
I was just a few days ago perusing the 1972 Hamilton College yearbook. Boy, it was a strange time. We were all so ratty looking.
A section of the book documents what was an annual event called “Fanguitos.” It was essentially a mini-Burning Man type affair. All the hippies (and a lot of the frat guys as well) got together on an empty field and smoked dope and drank and listened to music out on a remote former pasture on the campus over the course of a spring weekend. Unfortunately, one of the guys took “Imagine” literally and put all his possessions inside his VW beetle and, very successfully, lit his possessions, and the beetle, on fire. As Dave Barry would say a decade or two later, “And I am not making this up.”
The yearbook features a picture of the guy, a few days later, all alone, well after the festivities had concluded and everyone else was back in class, sitting in the charred beetle, his legs out an open door, his eyes looking like the burned out hulk of his car, staring into the … present? I don’t think he graduated. I suspect he might have even been institutionalized. A strange time. Glad I survived largely unscathed.
Comedian Josh Wolf’s response (tl;dr – An “Imagine” parody!)