Comment Of The Day: “Life Competence Note: There Is No Way You Will Look Smart Or Competent Quoting ‘Imagine'”

I can’t fully express how gratifying it has been to see so many among the commentariat enthusiastically participating in a mass trashing of “Imagine,” John Lennon’s grandstanding ode to faux ethics Karl Marx-style. As I have mentioned here periodically, I have detested the song since I first heard it, and have had dire suspicions about the brain pan depth of any acquaintance who teared up when the thing played. Inspired and encouraged, I put “Imagine” torture among the punishment options in today’s poll on the best way to wreak societal vengeance on the teens deliberately coughing on supermarket produce,   and it’s doing surprisingly well:

A major assist for this Comment of the Day goes to Mrs. Q, who wrote,

Living in Portland it’s almost impossible to not hear this piece of shit song in every coffee shop, restaurant, and wherever else you’re trying not to loose your lunch. Once I was so aggravated at hearing it, I unethically told a fib to our waiter, that my (non-existent) sister committed suicide to the song. He turned it off and I enjoyed the rest of my meal…until Yellow Submarine came on. Karma indeed.

Imagine there’s no Imagine.

I was tempted to take up the challenge and compose an “Imagine There’s No Imagine” parody, but that would have required me to carefully listen to the song more than once, and I’d rather get the Wuhan flu.  Chris Marschner beat me to it, saving my sanity and earning his Comment of the Day on the post, “Life Competence Note: There Is No Way You Will Look Smart Or Competent Quoting ‘Imagine'”:

I have begun rewriting the lyrics and ask all to assist and improve.

Imagine there’s no Seven-Eleven
It’s easy if you try
No Big Gulps for the thirsty
Just whole wheat and rye

Imagine all the people
Living for today
So what else is new (ew ew)

Imagine there’s no countries
It isn’t hard to do
Nothing to plan or hope for
It’s just a fuckin zoo

Imagine all the people
Living life on the streets
They do (hoo hoo hoo)

You may say that I’m a dreamer
But I’m not the only one
the Bernie bros will welcome you
And the world will be covered in pond scum

Imagine no possessions
I wonder if you can
that means no one can steal from you
Cause your home’s under the bridge span

Imagine all the people
Huddlin to stay warm
(hoo hoo ooh ooh)

You may say that I’m a dreamer
I’m not the only one
There are other nuts among us
Just put your possessions in that box over there
and I will dispose of them when I can.

17 thoughts on “Comment Of The Day: “Life Competence Note: There Is No Way You Will Look Smart Or Competent Quoting ‘Imagine'”

  1. Thanks. The idea was to make it a collaborative project as I am sure so many others have can tighten up the lyrics. I just wanted to give it a go.

    • I posted this on the the other thread, as a suggested replacement for the fifth stanza:

      You may say that I’m a dreamer
      But I’m not the only one
      There are many more just like me
      And we’re witless, dull, and dumb.

      • Thanks Jeff I will add that. It flows so much better. I am changing the first stanza to

        Imagine there’s no Seven-Eleven
        It’s easy if you try
        No Big Gulps for the thirsty
        No lottery to buy

  2. Well, here lies another reason not to miss a single entry of “Ethics Alarms.” I take one day off and I miss the opportunity to rag on “Imagine.” I have hated that sphincter lock of a song all my life.

  3. I’ve written parody/filks for SFF topics, but I really can’t help grouping issues. I really did not want to slice and dice Chris’ version. I hit other areas tho, so here’s another parody:

    Imagine there’s no heaven.
    No need to even try,
    No respect for others,
    No limits only sky
    Imagine all the people living for today
    ooh, ooh, oooh

    Imagine there’s no countries
    It isn’t hard to do
    Bullies an’ coups to die from
    And no protections too

    Imagine all the people
    Living on one street
    ooh, ooh, oooh

    You may say I’m a dreamer
    But I’m not the only one
    I hope someday you’ll join us
    And the world need not be one.

    Imagine no possessions
    I wonder if you can
    No smartphone apps or manga
    No travel or streaming

    Imagine all the people
    Bored out of their gourd
    ooh, ooh, oooh

    You may say I’m a dreamer
    But I’m not the only one
    I hope someday you’ll join us
    See, the world is wonderful.

  4. Updated version with collaboration from Marie and Jeff.

    Imagine there’s no Seven-Eleven
    It’s easy if you try
    No Big Gulps for the thirsty
    No lottery to buy

    Imagine all the people
    Living with no pay (whew hoo ooh ooh)

    Imagine there’s no countries
    It isn’t hard to do
    Nothing to plan or hope for
    It’s just a fuckin zoo

    Imagine all the people
    Living life on the streets
    They do (whew hoo)

    You may say that I’m a dreamer
    But I’m not the only one
    There are many more just like me
    And we’re witless, dull, and dumb.

    Imagine no possessions
    I wonder if you can
    that means no one can steal from you
    Cause your home’s under the bridge span

    Imagine all the people
    Huddlin to stay warm (hoo hoo ooh ooh)

    You may say that I’m a dreamer
    I’m not the only one
    The witless and dumb among us
    won’t stop until they have won.

  5. I was just a few days ago perusing the 1972 Hamilton College yearbook. Boy, it was a strange time. We were all so ratty looking.

    A section of the book documents what was an annual event called “Fanguitos.” It was essentially a mini-Burning Man type affair. All the hippies (and a lot of the frat guys as well) got together on an empty field and smoked dope and drank and listened to music out on a remote former pasture on the campus over the course of a spring weekend. Unfortunately, one of the guys took “Imagine” literally and put all his possessions inside his VW beetle and, very successfully, lit his possessions, and the beetle, on fire. As Dave Barry would say a decade or two later, “And I am not making this up.”

    The yearbook features a picture of the guy, a few days later, all alone, well after the festivities had concluded and everyone else was back in class, sitting in the charred beetle, his legs out an open door, his eyes looking like the burned out hulk of his car, staring into the … present? I don’t think he graduated. I suspect he might have even been institutionalized. A strange time. Glad I survived largely unscathed.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.