Yesterday was my son’s birthday (also the anniversary of the Boston Red Sox finally winning the World Series after 86 years, but that’s just why I can remember my son’s birthday), but he gave me the best present: a window into his ethics and values.
I had barely seen Grant for several months, despite the fact that he has an apartment in the lower levels of our home; we’ve both been busy. When he came upstairs last night to get our birthday greetings and a few presents, he apologized for not being in closer touch, explaining that he had been promoted to a management position at the dealer where he is an auto tech.
He said that he had long been frustrated at the inefficiency and mismanagement there, and had set up a meeting with the vice-president to quit. They’ve invested a lot of training in Grant, and the exec said that they could pay him more money. Grant told his superior that his issue wasn’t the money, that his primary concern wasn’t what he was paid but what he could accomplish. (Uh-oh..ominous signs of paternal influence there…) He laid out the aspects of the operation that he found frustrating and unconscionable, and, Grant said, he “wasn’t very nice about it.” Then he described what needed to be done, and that he had suggested many of these solutions without seeing any action.
The veep, paused, thought a second, and offered him a position with the authority to address many of those issues, along with a raise. Of course, Grant just as easily could have been fired, but he had embraced the Marshall Way, pioneered by my father, Jack Sr. He was willing to leave the job rather than avoid trying to fix a problem. Like his (adopted) grandfather, my son had demonstrated natural leadership and integrity, as well as courage. Now, he told me, he had to deliver, and already had over-hauled some policies and procedures.
I learned something else yesterday: there is a severe shortage of auto techs like my son in the auto industry as a whole: one of Grant’s challenges is to try to deal with the shortage. I asked why this was the case. My son, who turned down a paid college education fund (offered by my parents) because his love was fixing cars and, as he said at the time, he didn’t need college to begin the career he wanted, replied, “Oh, it’s because everyone is told that if they don’t get a college degree they’ll be failures, so kids who should be going into trades and getting training instead get in debt for useless degrees, waste four years, and get lost. And the whole economy suffers. That’s why.”
I have spent a lot of time second-guessing my parenting skills because I didn’t have the time I would have wished to spend with my son: no paid vacations and few family trips, lots of evenings away working on theater productions, not a lot of structure at home, leaving his home schooling to others. But on his 28th birthday, at least, I found out that somehow he had learned some important life competence principles anyway.
He also gave me a chance to repeat exactly what my father had once told me: “It’s fine to want to challenge authority, as long as you understand that it is likely to put you in a position of authority.”
Ethics Alarms 
Congratulations Grace and Jack. Well done. Raising kids is a crap shoot. All you can do is try your best and hope for the best.
Good on ya , Jack. Looks like you’ve done well at the most important job there is. And his name too, like my grandson.
I dunno, nature or nurture. At least I didn’t undo what may have been there already. My son’s gradeschool principal, when he was 6, commented on his natural defiance, certitude and determination to do things his way when she told us, “Grant is never going to take the easy path, but he’ll get where he wants to go.”
YAY! Sometimes when we think our kids aren’t really listening, we find out they were. Our daughter spent some time in Israel, learning what day-to-day life was about and the challenges those her age faced with constant attacks from those who wanted the country annihilated. Upon returning home, she got together with friends to catch up. Late that evening she returned home grumbling about the petty stuff her friends were complaining about. “They have no idea what others their age face daily,” she wailed. “All of a sudden, your words were coming out of my mouth!” 🙂
Kids are always watching and absorbing.
Growing up is like being a fish in a fish tank. And the parents provide the water. The parents are the water. To call it osmosis is not really accurate. It goes beyond that.
What a nice story! In the end, nothing matters more than family. I can’t think of anything to be more proud of. Way to go, Grant. Happy Birthday.
One Father Is More Than A Hundred Schoolmasters. George Herbert
I thank my lucky stars every day that my Dear late Father was a friend when I wanted one and a Father when I needed one!
PWS
And if George Herbert were alive today, he’d add, “and a father is worth more than a thousand government programs.”
Which brings up Hillary Clinton’s most toxic line ever: “It takes a village to raise a child.” Fuck you, Hillary. It takes two parents. Asshole!
Tell us how you really feel, OB…
PWS
“Oh, it’s because everyone is told that if they don’t get a college degree they’ll be failures, so kids who should be going into trades and getting training instead get in debt for useless degrees, waste four years, and get lost. And the whole economy suffers. That’s why.”
Yes. In Japan as well, kids get brainwashed into thinking that going to college is everything, which is why there aren’t enough carpenters, HVAC techs, construction workers, bus or truck drivers; because of parents exhorting their kids to study by saying things like, ‘If you don’t study you’ll have to collect garbage/work construction/work with your hands/drive a truck’ like it’s some evil punishment for not getting a degree. They’ve been very foolish here since the 70’s, and combined with the population decline, good luck getting anything repaired.
Happy Birthday to Grant. I’m glad that he found the way that works best for him. I’m sure you’re very proud of him.