The New York Time’s Magazine’s ethicist answers ethics questions arising in everyday life. I ask them. I guess that’s why he gets paid…
But I digress: here’s my dilemma…I just received a nice Hickory Farms box of cheeses and summer sausage. There was no card, and no clue as to who might have sent it. I have a few candidates for the Secret Santa, but all of them, in the past, have included cards. A couple are long-time clients, but neither of them is under any obligation to send me gifts, and I am genuinely surprised when they arrive, as they have now for many years. If I thank them, and they didn’t send the box and have no plans on sending me anything this year, that will be awkward for both of us. If one of them did send the box, and the card that was supposed to accompany it was left out somehow the packing, I don’t want to seem like an ungrateful wretch.
What is the ethical way to handle this?
Ethics Alarms 
I think you just solved it by making this post.
We shall see….
Fair
I would keep quiet for right now. The gifter may announce itself.
I think, one time, a colleague gave me a heads up that a gift was on its way because it was a box of pears and, if they went unnoticed (or arrived over the Holidays), they might have gone bad.
That’s not quite your situation; I don’t know that Hickory Farms ever goes bad.
But, the Secret Santa may follow-up if you don’t acknowledge the gift.
-Jut
I go with a different take than Jut, above. When I get an unlabeled package, I take a wild guess and call my first choice. I let them know that I got thoughtful present X, but there was no card. Was that them, and if so, thank you very much. If that wasn’t them, I thank them for their time, apologize that I bothered them and go to the next name on the list. I may bring up, in this conversation something like, “I recall that at (previous) time you did (something nice) for me, so that is why I thought it might be you I need to thank.”
I’ve never gotten myself into hot water over that, not has it ever been that awkward, as most people can appreciate the desire to thank the right person.
…and I might add one additional thought. If a person called and asked if I gave an anonymous thoughtful gift, I think I would be honored that the recipient thought it was me, even if I wasn’t. I would think, “that person considers me a very good friend.”
That’s how I would react.
I have to agree with Sarah and Joel.
A mass email to your clients wishing everyone a merry Christmas and a generalized thank you for “all the gifts” would seem unspecific enough.
But to include in the email a specific reference to the gift so the client who gave it knows you see this has the possibility of
1) feeling like you are subtly “asking for gifts” from others.
2) not being caring enough to the specific client if they did think a card was included.
I don’t know.
In the spirit of Christmas if the gift was sent as a gift- the client is kind and generous enough to not hold a lack of acknowledgement against you-
Gifts are gift of kindness regardless of the publicity of the gift.
If the client is *expecting* some sort of acknowledgement with no charity large enough to forgive a mistake or oversight-
Then 1) they stay your client begrudgingly over a small thing.
In which case: Oh well.
2) they quit being your client over a small thing.
In which case: good.
First paragraph last word “enough” should be “though”
I thought this would be a post was about company organized secret Santas in which case I have one comment:
It’s unethical to give coffee mugs.
We have 4 years worth of secret Santa gifts of coffee mugs.
We need no more.
No one needs any new coffee mugs except college students.
Quit giving them. It’s a burden to your recipients.
Yeah, but that 3-D library mug is still cool. Not 25 bucks cool, but still…
Good point.
Can you call the company that provided the gift and ask who purchased it? I had to do this with flowers not that long ago.
Here is my opinion on Secret Santa gifts.
Secret Santa gifts are secret, period. Don’t expect to know who sent it and don’t feel obligated to respond in kind. Enjoy whatever you were sent in the spirit of the season.
Consider being a Secret Santa in the future.
Also, in the past I’ve posted a general “thank you to all my Secret Santa’s” on Facebook.
Assuming you still have the packaging with the order or tracking numbers, contact Hickory Farms. They know who sent it.