I’m still trying to decide how much to beat myself up after an epic botch yesterday. I completely whiffed on one of my monthly (and sometimes bi-monthly) legal ethics Zoom seminars after I forgot to set my alarm clock. This has been an exhausting and stressful week, as if follows the long-planned memorial event for my wife, who died on Leap Year. Old friends and colleagues that I hadn’t seen for many years came from all across the country over the long weekend, and I was left gratified but emotionally and physically exhausted. Then I had to hustle to catch up with work, including preparing for a complicated new musical ethics program in the evening on the 16th. Then things went crazy: I had emergency calls from clients, a surprise house guest whom I had to drive to the train station at 5 am the next morning, and assorted other crises. Despite having my scheduled seminar at 9 am, I lay my head down at 6 am with the intention of catching a couple of hours sleep, but didn’t set the alarm. I woke up at 10.
I spent all day yesterday still exhausted and furious at myself, and woke up no better. After almost 8 months, I still haven’t adjusted to living and working alone. Grace handled my schedule, served as my back-up, kept me alert to upcoming appointments and commitments, screened my calls and emails, and generally made it possible for me to be productive and creative as I juggle disparate tasks and multi-process compulsively without not falling flat on my metaphorical face. And I’m just not good at that stuff. I’m not good at living alone. When unexpected complications merged with my not being at top form mentally, emotionally and physically, I couldn’t navigate the perfect storm and let a lot of people down. It’s over, there’s nothing more I can do about it, but I’m not accepting my own apology.
Well, enough about me: please use this opportunity to discuss important things involving ethics, leadership….you know, the usual.
Ethics Alarms 
I have to confess — especially since it’s been more than 50 years and the statute of limitations has likely run — that this happened to me in my first incarnation as a college student. It was one of the factors in my eventual demise that time around.
By a funny coincidence, the classes and exams I overslept for just so happened to be classes I didn’t like on subjects that I had no interest in. I wonder why that was?
My second go was more successful and resulted in a bachelors, so yes I have the credential, even though it took 17 years.
Regardless, those of us who have been here for a while completely understand your position. You have never been one to make excuses and we applaud you for it.
That said, I borrowed this little flashy gizmo from Tommy Lee Jones. If you just look right at the light whilst I press this button, I can ease your pain….
I’d say I don’t mean to preach, but… I guess I do.
My mom was married to my dad for near 40 years; they were two peas in a pod. He literally fell over dead in front of her just over a year ago. She was an absolute roller coaster of emotions, and it’s gotten fairly better, but there are times when she struggles greatly – she thinks she should be a lot better after more than a year.
The reality is it would be a miracle if she “recovered” in two years.
Your situation, given everything involved, is equally as shocking to the system. It’s gonna get ya, it is mentally and emotionally exhausting, and you just go through it the best you can. You can’t predict when the emotion is going to flood though, you just hang on when it does.
I only know you from what’s written here, but it’s apparent the code you live by – your long term clients know all the more.
I think the ethical thing to do is accept your own apology and not flagellate yourself beyond the moment.
God bless you, Jack.
Well, thanks. I needed that. This is another area in which I miss Grace terribly: she was always my biggest fan, and tried to talk me out of being so unforgiving and critical of myself.
That is certainly good advice. I have clients whose spouse died after a long term marriage, and it can take a good while to really recover, especially if it was an unexpected event.
One in particular I spoke to this month is still having trouble after 18 months. She has found some support groups — which is also a good suggestion, I think.
In my family my parents had been married 54 years when my father died at 82. My mother, who was 80 and not in good health, followed him within 4 months. My sisters and I certainly believe she was just hanging on while he was still alive.
These things whack you upside the head periodically and it’s tough. Personally I don’t think anyone is really ready for one’s parents to die, one’s spouse even more so.
Hang in there. Know that all of us are sending thoughts and prayers your way.
Here is an article worth commenting about.
https://reason.com/2024/10/18/its-the-first-amendment-stupid-federal-judge-slams-florida-for-threatening-tv-stations/?comments=true#comment-10765061
OK, I know I’ve seen a story regarding this ad recently. I thought it was here, but I’m not finding it.
At any rate, I’m not surprised that they found a judge to enjoin Florida’s attempt to have it taken down. Their reasoning seemed a bit far fetched.
I’ll also say that reason has some wackos commenting on this story.
Hi Jack, death is so hard. We don’t get over it, we just move forward.
I think you should also give yourself some slack concerning the change in your system. What would it say about Graces contribution if it was all just easy now? It takes time and practice to build a small business into a well-oiled machine. Something you might consider now that you need help is a virtual assistant. There’s lots of options out there for them and it might be a good option for some of the tasks you hate and could pass off.
You’ve got this.
Thank-you for the pep talk, and I mean that sincerely. I wish I could agree that “I got this,” but I really don’t, and every day I find more reasons to feel overwhelmed.
I am so sorry about Grace. From your ongoing comments and descriptions, she was a wonderful woman and everyone understands the devastation this loss wreaks. We all hope you find some comfort and help.
Grandma Lisa