Now that “The Ethicist” has finished his mission of pandering to the Trump Deranged among Times readers, he is moving on. I wonder if that ex-Washington Post cartoonist will draw a carton showing him “bending a knee” to the new President? At least his latest topic is a legitimate one as opposed to “Should I shun my mother because she supports Trump?”

This week a timid, socially awkward male asked Prof. Appiah, “What is the rule about looking at women in public? …In the past, when I’ve taken a quick glance and got caught, I was given sharp, disapproving looks from the woman and, often, some bystanders…When I married, I asked male co-workers what to do about looking at women, considering my new status. One said, ‘‘You’ve got to smell the roses along the way.’’ I took that to heart and continued to ogle women. This eventually led to my divorce…When women wear tight pants..[t]hey are very sexy, but men are not allowed to look. What do women prefer in this situation? I want to do the right thing.”

Let me begin by saying this guy is obviously improperly socialized or somewhere on the autistic spectrum and unable to read social cues. And “The Ethicist” isn’t a lot better.

“I suspect your ‘‘quick’’ glance wasn’t so quick,” he writes. Gee, ya think? I once worked with a lawyer at a D.C. association who was married, and more than once I caught him not just staring salaciously at a retreating staffer in flattering pants, but virtually drooling, mouth open, imagining God knows what. I told him the next time I caught him doing that to one of my staff I would make a formal complaint. Pronounced ogling in the workplace has been found in some court decisions to constitute a hostile work environment, yes, even if the ogle isn’t seen by the target but is witnessed by others. I agree with those decisions.

“In public settings, it’s generally intrusive to display sexual interest. That it may sometimes be welcomed doesn’t change the situation.” It certainly does change the situation! As with sexual harassment, the attention usually has to be unwelcome by the target to be considered unethical, and third party sexual harassment, which is what I just described, doesn’t apply in public.

There is no “rule” about looking at attractive strangers, except “Learn to do it discretely and don’t get caught” (like George Costanza with a 15-year-old girl in the Seinfeld clip above.) Other non-rules but facts of life include, “If you yourself are unusually attractive, you probably have much more leeway,” and “Have an answer ready if you get caught.” That has only happened to me once, in part because I’ve always been uncomfortable flirting as well as staring. A stunning woman caught me looking at her, and the second she did, “I said, ‘I’m so sorry that I was staring at you; it’s just that you are incredibly beautiful. Please forgive me.” She smiled broadly and said, “You are forgiven. You just made my day.”

I take it back: I also was once caught staring at a young female body-builder in very tight clothes. That episode pointed up an issue that I have written about before: people who obviously want people to look at them are ethically estopped from pretending they don’t. The viral picture from Inauguration Day that shows Mark Zuckerburg and another man looking at Jeff Bezos’s immodestly attired fiancee…

…is a case in point. A corollary is that unusually attractive people need to develop self awareness as an element of life competence.

I know I’ve told both of these stories here before, but they are germane. I had a college senior intern from the Midwest when I worked at yet another D.C. association, and she was constantly complaining about how men in the city and the office kept looking at her and treating her as a sex object or eye candy. The young woman looked like a young Ann-Margret, and wore clothes that highlighted her natural gifts. Hard as it was to believe, she really had no idea that she was the epitome of a fantasy bombshell, and I eventually had to tell her that with her face, figure and flaming red hair, men were going to notice her, and the way she dressed sent the message that she wanted to be noticed.

In the same office was another very attractive young woman who worked for me as a secretary. She was always professional, but nature had endowed her spectacularly, and as innocent and virginal as she presented herself, she often wore dresses and blouses that displayed (in a flattering matter, of course) her impressive cleavage. I was with her when she snapped at a 40-something manager from another department saying, “My face is up here, John!” and he snapped back, “If you don’t want men looking at your boobs, then don’t show them off like that.” Her face turned the approximate shade of a ripe beefsteak tomato, and she had no comeback…because, you see, she knew he was right.

ADDED: I wrote two substantial posts on ogling way back in 2012. I just re-read them, and they are pretty good. See Cleavage Etiquette and “Shameless Oglers, Ethics Chess, and the Duty to Confront.”