This week Buzzfeed, which has long been on my blacklist, trolled Reddit for a list of “The “Old Person” Things Their Parents Do That Drive Their Kids Absolutely Bonkers.
Some of the things on the list of 25 are indeed genuinely stupid and annoying, like #7 on the list, “My mom still writes checks at the grocery store and stands there balancing her checkbook while everyone else stares impatiently at her, #15, “They use plastic cutlery so they don’t have to wash the real silverware, but then they wash and reuse the plastic ones to be thrifty!”, or #17, “Driving 10+ under the speed limit.”
Others, however, are the result of a whippersnapper’s unjust criticism of a different choice that is defensible, ignorance, or just plain snottiness.
“They own cell phones yet insist on keeping their landlines.”
Reaction: Bite me. I maintain a landline for business. It’s still more comfortable for long substantive conversations, and I prefer to keep my cell phone access limited.
“Turning the volume on the TV all the way down instead of pressing mute.”
Reaction: Why in the world would anyone care about this enough to be annoyed by it?
“My mom ALWAYS puts her phone on speaker phone. Even in public, she uses the speaker phone.”
Reaction: That’s not an old person thing; I see people of all ages, especially women, doing this.
“My dad still prints out directions from MapQuest when he goes somewhere, even though he has an iPhone…”
Reaction: Ha. Once they have the experience of a GPS going nuts and getting then thoroughly lost, as has happened to me more than once, they might decide Dad was on to something.
“My dad will call me at 2 p.m. on a Wednesday and wonder why I don’t answer. ‘Dad, I’m at work.’ ‘Oh, didn’t realize that.'”
Reaction: If your parents call, pick up whether you’re at work or not, you disrespectful jerk!
“My mother-in-law texts me to call, then asks a question she could have texted. Makes me rage every time.”
Reaction: Those of us who didn’t start texting until they passed 30 often can’t pick up the admirable skill of texting at the rate of 90 words a minute. What’s the matter with, like, talking?
“While watching a movie, ‘What did he say?’ I tell them. ‘Well then, what did HE just say!’ I dunno Dad, I was too busy telling you what the other dude said…”
Reaction: Yeah, this is called “watching a movie together.”
“All styles of game consoles are Nintendos, according to my mom.”
Reaction: And all tissues are Kleenex. So what? I call them all “stupid game consoles.”
“Falling asleep in front of the TV.”
Reaction: Just wait a few years, dick-head.
Ethics Alarms 
Okay, I turn 45 this year, and that last item has been happening to me for years now. We started doing a family movie night on Friday nights, and we’ll be 20 minutes in, and I’m passed out in the chair.
As for watching a movie and asking, “What did he just say?” I feel a little better about going through multiples scenes in every movie where it seems like the actors are mumbling while chewing rocks right when some turned the volume down to 2.
For #20 on the list, “When you show them something on your phone, and instead of just looking, they grab your phone? I’ve never seen a young person do this before.” Never seen a young person do this? All I can say is, “Meet my children.” They cannot just look at the picture on the phone. They have to hold the phone. Each one. It starts fights over who gets to hold the phone when. Regarding grabbing the phone, I assume younger people assume that everyone has the same spectacular eyesight they do. Older people (starting to be me, now) might like to hold the phone because 1) that will help them hold it the appropriate distance away and 2) not have the phone image bouncing around with whatever palsy is affecting the person holding the phone.
Using speakerphone mode is how we old guys minimize the RF radiation exposure through our skulls, which helps minimize cognitive impairment.