And to that I say, “Bite me.”
Shadé Zahrai, a CNBC contributor, weighs in with her advice regarding “one of the most effective ways to stop a manipulator.“ She says that the magic phrase is: “That’s interesting. Tell me more.”
This is passive-aggressive weenieism, as well as dishonest. I don’t tell people that I find something interesting unless it is, in fact interesting. Doing so is a lie. If I’m using “interesting” sarcastically but want “the manipulator” to think I’m sincere, that’s deceit, another form of dishonesty. Much of the time the “expert’s” use of “That’s interesting” is just another version of “Why bless your heart!”
So the expert says that the way to foil “manipulators” is to be manipulative. How expert of her! She recommends versions of her all-purpose defense if someone is trying to subtly coerce you, if someone is trying to guilt-trip you, and if someone is trying to gaslight you. Her discovery is nothing but warmed over 70’s era versions of the obnoxious (and and manipulative) deflections “I hear you” and “I acknowledge the validity of your feelings.” It’s conflict avoidance when conflict is needed.
If someone attacks me with an unfounded or unfair accusation, I might say, “Ok, produce your evidence, if you have any.” I might say, “That doesn’t deserve a response.” I might say, “What’s the matter with you?” But “That’s interesting” isn’t in the cards.
I don’t find it interesting when someone denies what I know to be true. I’ll say, “Nope, you’re wrong; your memory has betrayed you, or you’re lying. Which is it?” If someone says, “After everything I’ve done for you, this is how you repay me?” I will say, “I’m not repaying you. I’m doing what I believe has to be done, and our past interaction has nothing to do with it. I’m sorry my decision upsets you.” If someone says, “If you really cared, you’d agree with me, ” I’ll respond with, “Don’t try that emotional blackmail on me. It’s insulting, and I resent it.”
All around us now we are under psychological attack by people who want us be passive, fearful wimps, terrified on taking on liars, bullies and jerks directly. Don’t let them get away with it.
Ethics Alarms 
her opening “that’s interesting” reminds me of a conversation i was part of with Salman Rushdie. I was attendng a presentaion he was giving at a librarians convention. Some one asked him for advice. He said, “the common advice to striivng authors was to write soemthing you know about or have experienced.” He added, “that is good advice as long as what you know or have experienced is interesting!” Thus not everything one knows or has expereinced may be interesting. If so, there is no need to continue the conversation.
When attempting to grease my footing so that I slide toward the manupulator’s goal(which usually involves money), I often resort to “great idea, as long as somebody else pays for it”. Great can mean so many more things than unteresting.
[Jack, I think the links are messed up. Please delete.]
Fixed! Thanks, OB.
De nada, Senor.
During a bar luncheon question and answer period, a fairly insufferable guy we worked with asked an overly long, complex and self-promoting question of the bankruptcy judge guest speaker. Pointing down at the questioner’s table from the dais, the judge asked, “Did you already get salad dressing?” before pointing at another questioner.
I should have added, forever after, whenever my buddy and I were confronted with a ridiculous question or request, we’d unleash a “Did you already get salad dressing?”
Sometimes avoidance is the most effective strategy. If we’re on a cruise ship for two months with the same dinner table partners, we do not introduce political conversations unless we have somehow discovered we are of similar mind. I find that liberals cannot help themselves, and will start a debate. I don’t apologize for being a stone cold conservative, but I don’t want dinnertime to be awkward or hostile, so I deflect – always honestly. If they are relentless I will ask questions until the absurdity of the leftist position is undeniable. I’ve never made anyone cry, but once a gentleman did get up and storm out.
Good times …