I was stunned that this question made it into “The Ethicist” column, but who knows: maybe it was a week light on difficult ethical dilemmas.
A mother who wanted to use Prof Appiah the way ethicists are often used in the consulting world—to back the client’s opinion after that individual has already made up his or her mind—wanted to be able to appeal to the professor’s authority in a family dispute. Her adult son is morbidly obese and she and her husband fear for his health. They want him to go on a chemical weight-loss regimen with Ozempic or the similar drugs, but he keeps getting fatter and fatter. Years ago, they bought a house for the son, and he is paying them back in monthly installments. Their plan is to waive the rest of the payments and give him the house now, but Big Boy’s father wants to condition their generosity on the son agreeing to use the drugs to lose weight.
An under-discussed sub-value on the Six Pillars of Character is autonomy, listed under the RESPECT pillar. That means allowing those we have contact with in out lives autonomy, and not using resources, power or emotional bonds to control the conduct and choices of others. To me, the answer to The Ethicist’s inquirer is an easy call, and I was pleased that his answer tracked with mine exactly.
Ethics Alarms 
This reminds me of a situation at work, or the old manners rules about not giving unsolicited advice.
We hired a 17-year-old recently. She really likes the movie IT and the clown Pennywise (I don’t know if you’ve seen the movie or the show). In a pretty sharp tone, my boss told her she needed to stop liking that and get a new hobby. My boss hasn’t established much trust with her, and she’s only worked with us a little over a month.
She is now resentful and hasn’t forgotten it. The value of respecting autonomy matters, even if the person is a teenager with a movie taste you don’t personally like. My boss is blaming her for being too sensitive.
As a two track professional in theater and law related services, this has been a theme in my life, not always with a pleasant outcome. More than one boss, client or supervisor told me that my artistic activities occupied too much of my energies and time out of the office, and my response has been always the same: This is none of your business I don’t tell you how much time and passion to devote to your family, your church, your charities, to golf to your social engagements, and won’t. The fact that you read a review in the paper of a show I directed doesn’t give you any right or authority to assume that actvity affects my job here.
Then I sang this:
Ha. That’s a very apt reply!
Please tell me you are joking. You sang that? As your boss, I would not have fired you. Nope. I would, though, direct you to relax in this little room equipped with nice, friendly, cushion-padded walls. At the very minimum, I would expect you sing this:
https://video.search.yahoo.com/search/video?fr=mcafee&p=animals+it%27s+my+life&type=E210US739G0#id=1&vid=c546eaca157bd113c8ae927187ff78f2&action=click
Lesley had to fight for that dark song. The record company was worried that it would ruin her perky reputation. Turned out to be one of her best…
My favorite of her hits. The redeeming rejection of “That’s the Way Boys Are.”