My mother, who resented aging and refused to “accept” it, constantly complained that younger people treated seniors like children or idiots. I would not expect the AARP to prove her point, but then, at a loss for bathroom reading material, I looked at the AARP’s “bulletin” tabloid. On the back page, I discovered, is a feature called “Wit and Wisdom.” Here is this month’s entire content of witty and wise repartee:
- Ken: “I hear you quit your job digging wells. Ben: “Yeah, I got fed up with the hole business.’
- Colin: “How would you describe a dry-erase board?” Caitlin: “Remarkable.”
- John: “Are waterbeds bouncy?” Jan: “Yes, if you use spring water.”
- Patient: “I need a cure for my paranoia.” Doctor: “We’ve been expecting you!”
- Molly: “How do cats settle an argument?” Wally: “They hiss and make up.”
- Customer: “I’d like a pizza delivered,. Will it be long?” Clerk: “No, it will be round.”
- Student: “Do chemists tell dad jokes?” Professor: “Yes, periodically.”
There isn’t anything vaguely wise or witty in any of those moldy puns. When I was a cub scout, I had a subscription to “Boy’s Life.” The back page had a feature called “Think and Grin,” and the jokes there were generally of a higher quality that that crap. There are so many legitimately clever jokes, one-liners and anecdotes out there, some of them true, that a little research and taste would uncover. Instead, the AARP infantalizes its member and view them as old geezers sitting around the radio cackling at “Lum and Abner” —which was also generally more clever than “No, round.” Heck, “Hee-Haw” had more wit and wisdom.
My dad, like me, had a sophomoric sense of humor. He also could quote Mark Twain, P.G. Wodehouse, S.J. Perelman, and Will Rogers—okay, also Henny Youngman— right up until the day I found him dead in his favorite chair. That AARP feature is disrespectful, lazy, and insulting.
