Yesterday, as the entry into a credit company debacle that I plan to write about later today (which, as you know, doesn’t mean that I will), about an hour of my workday was taken up listening to a pitch from a representative of Mutual of Omaha trying to sell me on taking out an home equity loan with the company.

I finally answered the phone call with company’s caller ID because I had not answered about 20 earlier calls, and also because I wasn’t sure why the company was calling me. I explained that yes, I do need cash for many things and yes, I have a lot of equity in the home I’ve been paying the mortgage on for 43 years. I also explained that I have no skills in finance or money generally, am swamped in the wake of my wife’s sudden death, and literally don’t know who to trust or listen to.

He said, “Well, we’re a large, well-respected company with an impressive track record in our field.” I had to wrestle my tongue to the ground to avoid saying, “Yeah, my business involves analyzing all the clever and not-so-clever ways companies like yours lie, cheat and steal.” “You’ve heard of Mutual of Omaha, I assume?” he continued.

“Oh, sure,” I said. “I was aware of Mutual of Omaha even before Henry Fonda started doing commercials for you.” I’m pretty sure he had no idea who Henry Fonda was.

Then he said, “Believe me, with Mutual of Omaha, you’re in good hands.”

I couldn’t wrestle my tongue to the ground after that gaffe.

“Wait,” I said. You just gave me the Allstate slogan. Now I’m completely confused. Next you’ll be telling me that Mutual of Omaha will be there for me “like a good neighbor.”

This is a special category of incompetence that you just don’t see very often. It’s like a Democrat saying that their party wants to make America great again. But the laugh was almost worth the time I wasted listening to the guy.

Almost.