I had an enlightening, even shocking, discussion last night with a young woman who waitresses as a second job. I asked her about her observations regarding customer tips during the recession and generally. From what she says, there are a lot of unethical diners out there.
Tipping is a cultural phenomenon (in many Asian countries, it is considered an insult), but also an economic reality. Restaurants include the assumption of tips in their pay scale, and use them to justify paying lower wages–sometimes, as in the case of my friend, much lower than minimum wage. The standard tip for good service in an eating establishment is %15. Acceptable service can justifiably be tipped at 10%. Anything less is criticism; more than $20, a bonus for especially good service. If one doesn’t follow this culturally set formula upon which restaurants base their pay scales, you cheat the food servers. It’s as simple as that.
Thus I was shocked to hear how common it is for…
- Patrons to tip 10% or less for good service…
- Diners from other countries, especially Asians, to tip according to their own country’s culture rather than ours, especially when it “excused” a smaller tip, or none at all.
- Customers who intentionally created controversy or grounds for complaint in order to justify giving no tip.
- Diners to tip lesser amounts for good service in Mexican restaurants, on the theory that they are simply more expensive versions of Taco Bell….
- Diners to tip a flat fee, like $5.00, regardless of what the bill is or how many people were fed.
- Patrons to use the server’s tip to express displeasure with aspects of the meal that a waiter or waitress have no control over, such as under-cooked food, dishes they didn’t like, noisy nearby diners, unsteady tables or a bill that is more than they anticipated.
- And this one: She said that more than once she has been punished with minimal tips by obsessive-compulsive diners who were upset that their different types of food were touching each other on the plate!
All of these practices are rude, unfair, unkind, disrespectful, and stingy. If anyone you are dining with engages in any of them, you have an obligation to speak up and object, even if it means paying the fair tip amount yourself. And if you have committed any of these breaches of tip ethics, it’s time to reform.
Ethics Alarms 
I consider myself to be an average tipper, especially at sit-down restaurants and delivery. My brother and I are pretty easy to please. I can’t really picture the infraction that would have to happen that would make me leave no tip at all. I think once I skipped ordering pizza for delivery because I only had 13 bucks and it would mean I couldn’t tip.
At the restaurant I walk to on occasion, I will almost always try to drop a buck in the little tip jar. Sometimes I don’t have a one-dollar bill (very, very seldom, because the change usually includes a 1-dollar bill), and I forego it, but when it’s not delivery or waiter service, I’m not as frequent with tips (except at the previous place, which is not a chain).
Once, my friend read the check wrong and left $20 for a $11 lunch for both of us (he thought it said $15) and thought, “Ah, whatever. Let ’em keep it.” Since it wasn’t a place we were likely to return again (it was while we were both at the DMV), I said, “They’d be sad if they knew we’re not gonna be in the area again. They’re gonna wonder where the two generous fat guys went off to.”
Those are my thoughts.
Hey Jack!
First off, I’ve been a suscriber and am a fellow blogger exploring the vast unchartered Thought Structure[tm] of ethical behavior… And I thoroughly enjoy your level headed takes on the wide variety of topics, from the everyday human aspect to the macro vision for the whole governing structure.
That being said, as a struggling waiter for 4 years after college, this topic is near and dear to my heart. I was fired from 2,restaurants after longer than average tenures for questioning tips, which is a no-no I know, but both incidents were born out of frustration with very rude and ignorant clientelle. I believe that there should be mandatory service not in the armed forces but in the service industry for at least a 6 month period between the ages of 18/24… Because if that was the case, all the instances you describe in your post would almost cease to exist.
It’s like having a gay sibling or offspring – I think that is a good comparison… Both my sister and I started in th very first Applebees in KC out of college… And our M&D’s were notoriously hideous tippers, only because of sheer ignorance. After they heard our horror stories and our lectures about propper tipping etiquitte(sp), they now know the rules, even tho my Mom falls short on th math for the most part … 20% for great service, 15-18% for acceptable, and 12% for unattentive/other, service only. If the food is sub par, it’s not the servers fault!
Blameblakeart.wordpress.com
Hi Blake, and thanks for following: I’ll check out your space. In my case, it was my Dad’s many experiences as a waiter that geve me perspective, and he always tipped grandly, 20% when 10 was the norm…much to the annoyance of my mom…to whose tips I am always adding extra when she leaves the table…
I was a waitress for a year in college. I think everyone, without exception, should have to spend at least 6 months serving food to others, so they can develop an appreciation for a really, really hard job. To this day, I judge people by how they treat their servers. I think it’s a true test of arrogance and character.
Unfortunately, everyone who has worked as a server has some horrible tipping stories. I was left pennies stacked carefully in a half-full glass of soda; less than $5 by a prom party of 12, after they clearly ran out of money; and shiny new quarters by little old ladies who sat at their tables drinking free iced tea refills for hours and hours. Thank heavens at the time I wasn’t trying to live off my tips, or, worse, support a family.
It goes without saying now that I am a very generous tipper. I assume that wait staff are still paid less than minimum wage — that’s the way it worked in the ’80s, because we “got” so much extra, in tips — and that they have to split tips with bus boys and sometimes with bartenders. An extra buck or two doesn’t make that much difference to me, but it might make a big difference to my waiter/waitress.
Hi Jack. This is from a customer’s perspective. Having dined out in the DC-area for over 25 years, and comparing it to cities like Pittsburgh, Chicago, Philadelphia, New York, and San Francisco, I find the service is here is frequently substandard. In terms of “attitude” I’d place it with Paris.
I won’t get into name calling, but I find the restaurant staff is generally not engaged. They don’t listen to you, don’t take notes on your order, don’t take care of the small amenities like refilling your water glass, are not around when you need them (“Is everything okay?” well, usually not when it’s convenient for you to ask), and more often than not detract from the dining experience.
Indeed, your first experience with the wait staff feels like a test of wills as she or he presses a list of specials on you – day old food or longer – then attempts to run up the bill, and hence a higher tip, with a solicitations for drinks, starters, and, later, desserts. This troubling reality, which eats into the bottom line, is the reason for the success of mystery or shadow shopping companies. They evaluate every contact diners have from the moment they hit the door (hostess, wait staff, bar) and those reports, posted or the internet, make for quite interesting reading. But you can read much of the same on consumer websites, and the news is not all that good.
If you complain (and I have, believe me), it spoils the mood of the evening, so I just pay the 15%, usually over my wife’s objections, and move on. It’s easier, cheaper, and actually less of a hassle to get take-out, or just cook it yourself. If servers are seeing smaller tips or hostile diners, they might consider looking closer at their own commitment, the restaurant’s management, or even the economy. But wait staff, please don’t level your ire at your customers. We’re the reason you have a job.
Here! Here!
Look, I understand that there are terrible tippers and terrible patrons. I also understand that there are excellent tippers and excellent patrons.
I agree that everyone should work in a restaurant to understand what goes on – but not for the reason you all are saying. Just so they can properly assess what is fair, not feel sympathetic.
Is it lunch or dinner?
Are you at Chili’s, Steakhouse, or Upscale? (This is the difference between a professional, a waiter, and a server.)
Does the professional / waiter / server perform to the restaurant type?
How long did you occupy that waiter’s table?
(Generally, you have to make up $6 an hour to get the waiter to minimum wage. While they may have multiple tables, typically 4, account for their prep time and closing time duties.)
Did you order a lot of alcohol?
(My stratified tipping schedule puts 20-25% on food and 10-15% on alcohol, or about $1 per drink. Is anyone really going to argue that a $500 bottle of wine should cost you $600? That same bottle is still $220 in a liquor store…)
Did the waiter come back at appropriate intervals to clear plates and refill drinks?
Did the waiter ask you about your food, if it was prepared correctly or to your liking?
Was the waiter friendly and knowledgeable?
All of these things are important to ask oneself when tipping time comes. Plus more.
To all restaurant and other business owners: Do not try to make it my responsibility to pay your staff fair wages. It is the responsibility of the business owner to provide a decent wage to all of its employees and make government contributions on their behalf. Tipping is based on the greed and irresponsibility of the business owners who have no concern for their employees and want to pass their responsibilities on to the consumer. Furthermore, they expect some of their staff (waiters/waitresses) to subsidize the salaries of other staff (busboys and busgirls, etc.). The cashier at Wal-Mart does not receive tips. The receptionist in an office does not receive tips. The janitor in a school does not receive tips. The whole system is unbalanced and unequitable. Wake up, people. Stop enabling the owners to steal from their employees.