Zombie Ethics

By joining PETZ, you can help prevent needless zombie misery...

People for the Ethical Treatment of Zombies (PETZ) is now officially accepting members.

The watchdog organization flags inappropriate zombie jokes from celebrities,  advocates humane treatment of the living dead (  “Keep your zombie well-refrigerated…Reattach any limbs that have fallen off immediately…Brush your zombie’s remaining teeth regularly…”), boycotts companies that test their products on zombies (who are not capable of informed consent), companies such as KFC, Sephora, and Men’s Warehouse, and publish recipes for the zombie palate.

PETZ is also lobbying for the passage “Proposition Z,” which would “amend the California Constitution to include all persons resurrected in the State of California, and subject to the jurisdiction thereof, are residents of California. The State shall not make or enforce any law, which shall abridge the privileges or immunities of other residents of the State; nor shall the State deprive any infected person of life, un-dead life, liberty, or property, without due process of law; nor deny to any infected person within its jurisdiction the equal protection of the laws.”

This could be a joke, but then I think a lot of PETA’s initiatives are equally ridiculous, and they are serious.

You never know.

15 thoughts on “Zombie Ethics

  1. It IS from California, after all. What the rest of the country laughs at or recoils from, they turn into a legally protected lifestyle! After this extended ordeal of zombie/vampire/werewolf movies from the Center of California Culture, you have to wonder how many of the native surrealists actually DO believe in their own fables. I’d assume for the moment, though, that it’s a spoof aimed at PETA. Let’s check out the membership roster. If Bill Murray and Abigail Breslin are on it… then it may be for real!!

  2. As a undead regular of my university’s bi-annual game of Humans versus Zombies, I’m think about about forming a local chapter just for the duration of our 2011 Fall game. Time to start drawing signs calling for government regulation of Nerf guns and balled-up socks and requesting that sock ninjas be tried as war criminals.

    In case you’re wondering what in God’s name I’m referring to: http://humansvszombies.org/

  3. But what of Philosophical Zombies? Not enough glitter and gore to attract the attention of the Liberal elite? Does no one care about the suffering they would experience every day if they were capable of experiencing anything? Many great minds have suggested that they are no different than us. So please, feel for the P-Zombies, to whatever extent your brain states can be said to “feel” for them.

  4. But what about my addition to our workplace disaster plan for dealing with a zombie epidemic? Do we now have to find ways of ‘humanely’ dispatching zombies who are attacking our coworkers? At what point can we eliminate a coworker showing signs of ZID (Zombie Infectious Disorder)? Do we actually have to wait until they eat someones brains?

    This raises a lot of troubling questions. I am sure we will have to consult the attorneys again. Sign…more meetings.

  5. There is actually a cure for zombie-ism that is well known among voodoo witch doctors in Haiti. It’s a cardinal rule that one must never directly place anything into the hand of a zombie. If you do, then the zombie awakes to the fact that it’s dead… and runs screaming back to its grave. So- if you meet a zombie, hand him a copy of Newsweek. Thus, he may rot away before he even makes it to the cemetery!

  6. Find me a zombie, and I’ll try my best to kill it before it kills (eats) me.

    Is this an issue we should care about?

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