BREAKING NEWS: Whales Aren’t Slaves! PETA Shocked!

"Thank you! And for my next number, 'Nobody Knows The Trouble I've Seen!'"

PETA’s cretinous and offensive lawsuit equating Sea World’s whales with enslaved human beings—just the latest in the organization’s irresponsible “look at us!” tactics—was laughed out of court, as everybody but a breathless NPR interviewer knew it would be. This was yet another example of a lawsuit that any common sense-imbued layman would accurately call frivolous, but a bar association discipline committee would not. A lawyer can ethically take on a lawsuit he or she knows is stupid, foolish, silly, or a “hail Mary” shot, as long as there is a good faith belief that it might/could possibly/ gee, with a little luck and they don’t think about it too carefully prevail. And looking at some of the rulings that come down from various benches and verdicts that creep out of some jury boxes, that means almost no case is unethically frivolous in a legal sense. That doesn’t mean that it is responsible and right for lawyers to help plaintiffs like PETA bring such wasteful lawsuits, just that it isn’t a breach of professional ethics to do so.

And I, for one, can’t wait until Sea World finishes teaching that quartet of orcas to sing the Sea World whale-slave version of “Old Man River”–“Sea World Show Time,”  in harmony:

“…You an’ me, do tricks because
We wanna get our mack’rel
An’ some cheap applause!

Catch dat ring!
Splash dat crowd!
Kill a little trainer..
Oops, that’s not allowed…

Ah gits weary
An’ sick of swimmin’
Ah’m tired of dolphins’
An’ want some women!

But Sea World show time

It jes’ keeps rolling’ along…”

See you in Orlando!

5 thoughts on “BREAKING NEWS: Whales Aren’t Slaves! PETA Shocked!

  1. Those orcas have useful, fun-filled jobs! They eat regular and everyone loves them. Does anyone think that, if they could communicate, they’d want to be thrown back into the Pacific to scrounge for a living? They’d have to be nuts! They’ve got it made! I envy them!!

  2. … yes, slimy, unethical lawyers can sue just about anyone for just about anything with a pretty good chance of immunity from bar association discipline. And that really makes me steam! But sometimes all it takes is the person on the receiving end of the absurd suit to fight back against the lawyer instead of the plaintiff. Case in point – I have a nasty ex whose favorite sport is litigating against me. Fun for the whole family – NOT! Long story shorter – he and his mistress made an absurd claim that I “stole” a valuable piece of jewelry from the mistress. The item in question was something he gave me as a gift in front of many witnesses, while we were married, which I was photographed wearing, in his company, for many years during the marriage. But the mistress wanted it in the divorce settlement. So they filed a criminal complaint against me – grand theft larceny. I had to hire a criminal defense attorney, go to court like a criminal … of course the case was thrown out. They appealed. The court refused to hear it. So they filed a civil suit. So I went after their lawyer. By that point their lawyer had already seen an overwhelming abundance of evidence that proved, beyond reasonable doubt, that I had not stolen the item of jewelry. I threatened to file charges AGAINST HIM under Rule 11 if he did not withdraw the civil suit. The suit was withdrawn. The ex couldn’t find another attorney to take the case. (Not that case, anyway.) My point is – there sometimes are ways to stop the madness if you’re willing to go after the slimy lawyers when their slimy clients file frivolous lawsuits just to try to cost you money/harm.

  3. I was hearing about this case on the radio this morning. All I could think was, when the Pacific Supreme Court of Orcas lets us humans know that it has upheld our rights…no, make that, when humans come to know that a jury of orca peers convicted an orca of assault or murder of a human, or a seal, or some fish, then I’ll reconsider my support for captive orca shows.

    Excellent lyrics Jack!

  4. Could someone show me ONE PETA supporter breaking step and decrying this nonsense? Whatever happened to being able to support something, but if the organization you generally agree with did something ludicrous, you can still say, “This is bollocks.”

  5. Shamu 100, Seaworld 3, People Eating Tasty animals zero!
    People Eating Tasty Animals: Stupid hollyweirdos for animals since 1980

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