Coming in on a four month-old post, first time commenter Amanda Bonarrigo’s Comment of the Day describes how she was pushed toward single motherhood by a system that operates in willful ignorance of the personal and societal problems the condition creates. These are some of the best and most enlightening comments that Ethics Alarms receives, when an individual with a personal experience related to the topic of an essay here reveals a relevant personal experience in frank and passionate term. Opinions are great, but this is the most helpful of all.
Here is Amanda’s Comment of the Day on the post, A Single Mother’s Irresponsible Defense of Single Motherhood:
I agree with this article.
I could write a book on what a fertility clinic did to me, taking advantage of my age and my desire to have a child. I won’t go into too many details as it is too long to go into, but I’ll just say that these fertility clinics who inseminate single women have no caring of what is right for the child, or even the mother. All they want is you to pay them, however you can do it.
I’m a low income single woman who wanted her fertility tested to know her future options. I wanted to do egg freezing in the possibility that I might meet the right man and get married. But they encouraged me to do IUI, they denied me financial aid for the egg freezing, told me alarming things like “if you don’t do something right now, you’ll never have a child”, pushed me to order sperm to be sent there, I didn’t have time to be choosy about it, they knew I had concerns about being a single mom and about my own physical health that might compromise a baby’s, and yet they pushed me so hard that I did an IUI this month, and am now regretting this and hoping and praying to God that it didn’t work. I had fears and reservations and they would dismiss them and encourage this procedure. They never inquired about how I intended to support this child or what that child’s home life would be like. They knew I was low income because of my health insurance, but as long as I could manage to get some money to pay for my visits there, they continued to treat me.
They sent me to a social worker because it’s a law that they have to. The woman actually said it was a good thing that I wanted to have a baby even though I’m currently unemployed and living with my father and sister. She easily gave me the go-ahead.
When you think about this, why wouldn’t she? If the clinic sends clients to her and she denies them, that that means the clinic won’t get money, which means they would drop her, which means she’d lose money. You see where this is all about making money and taking advantage of people?
A responsible clinic would have required proof of income. They also would have told a woman that they could clearly see had reservations about single motherhood, that they would not treat her at this time. They would have talked to me about the egg freezing option instead of just telling me I couldn’t afford it so don’t do it. If they don’t offer financial aid to the single women who hope in the future to have a husband and/or good employment/education, then I don’t know why they’d offer it to people who don’t really need it.
I want to warn people about these places because I feel what they have done to me is a travesty, and I actually feel like I was violated. My anxiety has been sky-high. I feel like they just ruined mine and my possible child’s life. I have to look into abortion and adoption now.
They are just manufacturing babies and playing God, with no regard for the child or the single woman.