Ethics Dunces: Not Only Anybody Who Actually Thinks Donald Trump Would Be Anything But An Existential Disaster As President, But Anyone Who Isn’t Disgusted By His Existence

Megyn Kelly's "wherever," according to Donald trump.

Megyn Kelly’s “wherever,” according to Donald trump.

I’m not exaggerating. At this point, saying that one supports Donald Trump as President—or that one even “likes” such a destructive and despicable jackass—is signature significance. Such a person rejects responsible citizenship, basic decency, and civilized values. Such a person is warped and a misanthrope, or so stupid that their ability to function at all is a medical miracle.

The ethics tipping point even for the most jaded and alienated American who tolerated this juvenile delinquent in billionaire’s clothing (my tipping point was years ago, I am proud to say) should have been the combined impact of Trump’s outrageous comment to CNN, as he attacked Fox journalist Megyn Kelly for her questioning him on his uncivil public rhetoric, and his lie about it afterwards.

As I already noted in this post, Trump told CNN’s Don Lemon, “You could see there was blood coming out of her eyes. Blood coming out of her wherever.”

The man is a thug and a boor with money, the political equivalent of a four-year-old with an AK-47. His vaunted “candor” (as in “lack of couth, taste, civility, prudence, decency and restraint),  caused him to say, in essence, “this woman must have been on the rag” on national television. Is this worse than calling a tortured prisoner of war like John McCain less than a hero because he was captured? Sure it is: the earlier comment was stupid and disrespectful, but if that’s what Trump thinks, great: Out with it. The attack on Kelly is misogyny and gutter-level rudeness that must not be tolerated at the dinner table, in the workplace, or in polite company, much less in national politics. It transforms the whole nation into a cheap saloon, and tears down a wall that once gone, will eventually permit tossing feces like apes and aimed projectile vomiting before the entire civilization collapses in the stench of its own corruption.

This isn’t just a “war on women,” it’s war on dignity, decency and civilized discourse. You like that? You support that?

You’re a moron.

Then came the lie. Trump put out a statement yesterday saying that when he said about Kelly that “blood was coming out of her eyes and whatever” he meant “nose,” and  that “only a deviant would think anything else.”

Because everyone uses a euphemism for “nose” to avoid saying it.  And never mind that a nose is a whatever, not a wherever.

Law professor/blogger Ann Althouse immediately wrote that Trump “went menstrual” on Kelly. I thought the same thing, exactly. We both must be deviants.

I can maintain a modicum of respect—just barely—for someone who still supports Hillary Clinton for President, though I doubt this broad mindedness will last much longer. Such people have an insufficient understanding of the importance of trustworthiness in leaders, but that is a virulent malady that has been spread by the news media for decades. If you genuinely support Trump, however, I want nothing to do with you. You have an insufficient understanding of the importance of human respect and decency.

Get out of my sight.

Don’t make me projectile vomit on you.

45 thoughts on “Ethics Dunces: Not Only Anybody Who Actually Thinks Donald Trump Would Be Anything But An Existential Disaster As President, But Anyone Who Isn’t Disgusted By His Existence

  1. I’d vote for the Devil himself to keep Hilary out of the White House, thankfully it’s unlikely to come to that. Trump has tapped into some very powerful anger and some just plain tiredness with political correctness. Those of us on the right have tolerated a fair amount of abuse for the past seven years, being told all problems are our fault and having the left try to shut us out of the national conversation. Now the left is running scared and starting to lose its voice as we come roaring back, and there is some spillover and overreaction as we do that. Trump unfortunately typifies that overreaction and says things usually reserved for behind the scenes openly. As a CEO no one could cross and keep their job, he could do that, just like Jack Welch could scream at underlings and the former first assistant in my office could call the other lawyers idiots, fools, and ten different kinds of stupid. What he doesn’t seem to get is that, until he’s elected, he’s not in the top spot yet and this kind of abuse doesn’t play well.

    • “Doesn’t play well” is yielding to “what’s its effect on polls” which isn’t the goddamn point, now, is it?

      If he thinks objections to an adult attacking a female crit by saying what he said is political correctness, he doesn’t know what political correctness even means. And tapping into anger by cynically embracing a blind pig who slogs into a truffle —say, Cliven Bundy, Joe the Plumber, I think Ben Carson is in this category—and telling enough pollsters he should be President to place a rank amateur in a position to warp the election process.

      Cognitive dissonance, man!! Why do I bother? Express your anger by choosing a vulgar inarticulate moron as your most prominent messenger, and you eradicate any chance of anyone with a brain taking your message seriously.

      Good plan.

      Jesus Christ.

      • Jack,
        I’m kind of confused how Ben Carson made his way into your reply. That sentence confused me, and I couldn’t understand the connection between Bundy, J the P, and Carson. Could you clarify?

        • Sure. Carson make one articulate critique of Obama, and because he’s black, he became a celebrity. He has less…imagine it, LESS…experience relevant to being President than Obama did. This 15 minutes of fame tortured into a Presidential campaign. HIs most acclaimed comment during the debate was a joke, referred to separating conjoined twins, a task with no relevance whatsoever to the job at hand. AND he called them “Siamese Twins,” which is like referring to Chinese as “chinks.” Careless, lazy gratuitously annoying…like Trump Lite.

          He’s an amateur. Like the others I mentioned.

          • Ben Carson is an intelligent individual, but he’s no National Leader, and you are correct, his fame is he’s a Black Man who opposes the democrat-imposed black stereotypical voter.

            But as for leadership potential: He could have an IQ of 10,000 and have a plan that would solve all the world’s problems…but he’s Mr. Rogers and I don’t want Mr. Rogers at the trigger of our Military or Nuclear Arsenal.

      • I’m not quite sure where Jesus Christ fits in after: “Express your anger by choosing a vulgar inarticulate moron as your most prominent messenger” – but I sure do agree with your comments. Having Trump elected could ultimately wipe the Republicans out for decades.

    • “…reserved for behind the scenes…”? “…he’s not in the top spot yet and this kind of abuse doesn’t play well”?

      My parents tried to teach me the importance of respect towards others since I was born, and I think they eventually succeeded. I’m constantly shocked when I see that though they were right to do it, they were wrong about the insinuation that I would be behind the curve if I failed to learn to respect people. As far as I can tell, I’m ahead of the curve now.

      I will not tolerate the idea that it’s acceptable to demonize opponents simply because you’re in friendly company, and I will not tolerate the idea that it’s acceptable to abuse people when you have political or corporate authority. I’d say it’s even less acceptable to be in a position of authority and trust and be too immature to respect those who serve you and who you are obligated to serve in turn.

      In my experience, it’s always possible to be honest and kind. There’s no reason why honesty must involve insults. In fact, if you want people who disagree with you to listen to you, brutal honesty is exactly the wrong way to do it. It impresses no one but those who already agree with you, as they watch you metaphorically assault someone who cringes away and attempts to deflect blows. Effective honesty requires obtaining a position of trust first, and must strike subtly and painlessly, like a dagger between the ribs. You can keep your brutal honesty if you really want the power trip. Assassination honesty is superior in its effectiveness.

      • “In my experience, it’s always possible to be honest and kind. There’s no reason why honesty must involve insults. ”

        That’s the device of the passive-aggressive personality, be completely rude and insulting , then say ‘I was only being honest!!’ Rudeness and a vulgar attitude are just that, not ‘honesty’.

  2. Trump is the ultimate in where the process has sunk. Probably a perfect reflection of what we deserve.

    I look at the collection on both sides with the thought of “This is the best both parties can offer us?”

    I’ll vote for Chauncey Gardiner.

  3. This is why any policy/political theory that rests on the requirement of personal responsibility and intelligent decision-making is doomed to fail — because the majority of Americans are idiots. (And I’m referring to Democrats too — I feel the need say to that in a thin hope that Tex, Humble, and a dozen people named Steve don’t jump down my throat.)

    • In actual fact, Beth, I am and have been for years in total agreement with you (on this subject). Granted, my name is not Steve, few people call me Tex and I have never been accused of being Humble, still…In any case, your observation is why I believe we are doomed.

    • I have to agree with that…to quote Ben Carson (though it could have applied to large swaths of conservatives as well), Hillary Clinton (as well as people like Trump) “count on the fact that people are uninformed… taking advantage of useful idiots.”

      I am a dyed in the wool conservative, but Trump is a fool, a disgrace, and a huge disappointment. I am a big Megan Kelly fan, but wish she had asked some policy questions, asked him about Common Core, pressed him on his abortion “conversion” (you had some friends who choose life, and now you’re sold? It’s really that simple for you?). He is all bluster, good for a quote, but no substance. At some point in every speech you’ll hear 3 things: “Make America great again” (what the hell does that mean?); a reference to how he’s leading the polls (getting 25% of conservative pollsters is very different than getting 50% of the electorate); and a shot at someone he doesn’t like, and how that person came to him one for a job/a shoutout/help at some point, and how they’re no longer welcome to.

    • Beth, you are not alone. What’s more, if anyone jumps down your throat, just consider it a trigger for projectile vomiting (I doubt if Jack minds having his ideas borrowed) and send it back where it came from.

    • I only jump down your throat when you say stupid things…. This is sad, but also true. I think we’re in the age of the low information voter. Which is especially sad because I think that it’s a reversal of the historical trend.

      • As Ablative once said, we’ve ALWAYS lived in the age of the low information voter – NO CITIZEN has the time in the day to be a productive member of the community AND be 100% informed on ALL the topics that our national level of government has deemed itself worthy (or actually responsible) for handling.

        There was a day in age when our government was limited in scope and therefore limited in what it handled and therefore voters could get away with being “Low Information” as long as they were schooled enough on the few items their representatives were duking it out over in Congress.

        • Pardon me:

          As Ablative once said, we’ve ALWAYS expletive deleted lived in the age of the expletive deleted low information voter – NO expletive deleted CITIZEN has the time in the day to be a productive member of the community AND be expletive deleted 100% informed on ALL the topics that our expletive deleted national level of government has deemed itself worthy (or actually responsible) for handling.

          There was a day in age when our government was limited in scope and therefore limited in what it handled and therefore voters could get away with being “Low Information” as long as they were schooled enough on the few items their representatives were duking it out over in Congress.

    • Apparently you’ve missed all my comments (one of them being published here) on the flaws of system of suffrage to presume I’d “jump down your throat” on this topic.

  4. I wonder why he said ‘blood coming out of her eyes’ in the first place.Looks to me like your ‘in essence’ comment is way off base as well. I wonder how many got that impression .I sure as hell didn’t. What it looked like was his reaction to being bushwacked that way.

    • Go ahead, listen to the recording and repeat this comment. And I will diagnose you as a cretin.

      He said “eyes” because this inarticulate, stupid man starts sentences before he knows how they are going to end: pay attention before you make a silly observation, especially one defending Trump. Then, because he is an undisciplined ass surrounded by sycophants and yes men, he started to make his “on the rag” slur.

      And you’re an idiot…I have enough for a diagnosis. “Bushwhacked”???? BUSHWACKED??? This was a Presidential debate!! He has no record as a legislator or elected official! What does he expect to asked about, his briefs or boxers?

      Civility and professional demeanor is absolutely a legitimate issue for a Presidential candidate. If you can’t comprehend that, get lost. I have no patience for obstinacy on the ethics basics.

      • In the military, the radio handsets have the abbreviate “PTT” on the activator. This means “Push to Talk”…

        We had a saying “PTT means Push to Talk, not Push to Think” referring to people who would lock down communications when they’d press the button on the radio then have a long pause as they figured out what they’d say or would just say incoherent nonsense…

        Always think before you communicate, then communicate.

        • It’s a great analogy. You can tell—Trump is just free associating. It’s amazing he has been able to function like that, since he’s nowhere near smart enough to pull it off. Compare him to Rush Limbaugh, who also gets in trouble because his job means running his mouth continuously, but who is amazingly gaffe free, considering. If Hillary had to speak non-scripted for 20 minutes straight, the audience would look like the audience after “Springtime For Hitler” in the original “The Producers.”

  5. I still think the majority support for Clinton among democrats says more about them as a group than the plurality support for Trump among republicans (according to polls) but that could just be a factor of the number of candidates in the respective primaries. I tend to assume about 20% of any given group, unless it’s defined in such a way as to exclude them, are basically fools.

    • Oh, and although that may sound like “it’s not the worst thing” I am not trying to excuse the people who support trump in any way, just noting that even if individually it’s more of an issue than support for Clinton, the numbers make a difference.

    • I am going to poke at this comment a bit. Clinton does not have my vote (at least in the primary) but I do think it makes more sense to support her than Trump. Clinton has enough skeletons (neon-glowing skeletons) in her closet to make even the most die-hard Democrat have to hold his or her nose before voting for her, BUT we absolutely know her policy positions. As I have said here again and again, many (most?) Democrats vote policy over person. You might disagree with this reasoning (Jack vehemently disagrees with it) but at least it is an explanation.

      What does Trump stand for? I thought he was a Democrat, now he’s a Republican? We know he’s a Birther — he either did that because he truly believes that Obama is not an American citizen (which is terrifying) or because he’s just an ass who likes limelight. Either explanation should exclude him from office. What are his economic policies? International positions? Tax? I can’t even begin to guess what he stands for — and I’ve been following each of his speeches. So how can he have any support from anyone right now? It is completely baffling to me. He fails both my tests — I don’t know what his policies are AND he’s an ass.

      • You know how much I loathe Hillary in every way, how little respect I have for her and those who have been corrupted by her and who defend her and support her. I think she’s a criminal, in all likelihood. I would vote for Richard Nixon over her. I would vote for Frank Underwood.

        But you shouldn’t have to argue that in a race between her and Trump, you’d vote for her. There is no other responsible position. Outside of the Aytatollah, Putin, or some other foreign tyrant, it is hard to imagine someone—or someTHING— who wouldn’t be preferable to Trump in the White House, and I’m not even sure of that: if it gets to that point, it might be time to just end it all, like Jonestown or Massada. You called Trump an ass, because you are a polite person, unlike him. “Ass” doesn’t begin to describe Trump.

        Mike Huckabee is an ass. Newt Gingrich is an ass. Sarah Palin is an ass. Tom Brady is an ass. Bill Maher is an ass. Howard Dean is an ass. Ann Coulter is an ass. Debby Wasserman Schultz is an ass. Michael Steele is an ass.A donkey is an ass. I would vote for Al Sharpton’s ASS before I would vote for Donald Trump! If Donald Trump’s ass was running against his head and torso, I would vote for his ass.

        Would I vote for Hillary over Donald Trump’s severed ass? Tough one. I think Hillary would get my vote just on the 1 in 10,000,000,000,000,000,000 shot that the ass would somehow grow the rest of Donald back, like the Hydra.

        It’s not worth the risk.

      • I would vote for Clinton over Trump I think, although more likely than not I would give up and vote libertarian. However, my point was about the support from the party base. HC has majority support in the current polls, which is well outside the 20% portion of the party that I would assume are fools. That extra 30 points suggests to me that most democrats really don’t care about the email thing currently, probably based on sites like DailyKOS which is upset that the NYT didn’t correct their error enough. It’s evidence that the party is less trustworthy than I previously assumed. Trump’s support is still small enough that I can assume he’s captured the idiot vote, and maybe some of the single issue voters, but it’s not enough for to lower my overall opinion of the party at this point.

        OTOH, I didn’t really have a high opinion of the major parties to begin with.

  6. Trump alleged a woman was “on the rag.” Incredible. Talk about signature significance. Whew. He’s a human time capsule from the early ‘sixties. What’s the name of the Nazi house in “Animal House?” Has anyone checked what fraternity The Donald was in in college?

  7. No doubt, Trump behaves like Trump’s cartoon villain character. He may implode, who knows? However, I can’t reasonably accept an ignorant American public as the sole reason for his popularity.

    The two party political system is busted. Joe Six Pack may not be able to articulate it, but I think other posters have correctly alluded to a collective national sense of ICK.

    The public is angry, disconnected and fed up with hypocrisy. Yes, our nation is “dumbish”. We watch too many reality shows. For the record, I like Duck Dynasty. But, we are also discouraged, and in search of an identity (no thank you Caitlin Jenner).

    America longs for something different…anything…anyone…please (crickets). We are no longer the sum of our parts – as Jack has accurately cited – we are more divided than ever – more angry than ever. The polarization between the classes is increasing. Its not racial -its not even necessarily economic. Its based on power. The new paradigm of “haves” and “have nots” is rooted in who has authority – the coercers vs. the coerced.

    Trump is vulgar and crass, but he’s different. The really sad part is that we are so wounded as a nation that we have a moth like attraction to the new bright and shiny. Some are upset that the thin veneer of manufactured political civility has been pierced. I know politics – its a hideous, nasty sport. The Megan Kelly comment was stupid, juvenile and inappropriate. It was also nothing compared to what actually occurs behind the scenes.

    But, pretense and pretend still have value. Why? Because we have substituted substance for slogans. Settled for knowing about something rather than knowing something. Maybe we care because if we dispense we pretend and pretense long enough then at some point we will be watching the candidates debate naked and on fire.

    • But Carl, Pee Wee Herman would be different. Mik-Mik the Lizard Boy would be different. Lena Dunham would be different. A statue of a President molded put of dog shit would be different. If a citizen can’t express dissatisfaction without embracing an infantile creep like Trump, then he/she is too dumb to vote. It’s no excuse.

      • Too dumb to vote. So sad…. I should sit this one out? Or this, and all future elections, too? Once a cretin, always a cretin, I think you’ve said, beginning 50 years ago.

        I guess my higher SAT scores, physics grades, Latin marks, National Merit standing, and acceptance to a college that rejected you, so you ended up at Harvard, aren’t enough to save me, Jack? So sad…..

        Look, Trump has not earned high marks from me for civility in his early showings, but he refuses to accept the “polite form of tyranny” that is political correctness, and adopt the blind obedience of those who demand that we label what is false to be true. It is killing us as a nation, Jack. Rail and rant all you want, but you don’t get to be worth $10 billion by being untrustworthy and lacking in accountability, which is more than you can say about 95% of politicians, who, as Trump says, are bought and paid for by the lobbyists and special interests. It’s the reason why I and so many others are rejecting career politicians. We’ve had it. Enough. ENOUGH. ENOUGH. HAVE YOU HEARD US, Jack?

        Those of us outside the beltway, the District of Criminals, who have recognized the “political class” for who they are, want somebody who can “make deals” that has America’s interests at heart, rather than sew nuclear proliferation in the Middle East as has been done with this latest accomplishment that Obama is so proud of. We want somebody who doesn’t need the money, someone who can’t be bought, someone who does this because he loves the America that allowed him to become what he is. Maybe he actually believes in the America that nurtured him (and you, and me) when our cohort were in our formative years, and when America WAS great. It would be nice to have someone in Washington who actually does.

        Of course, he’s a showman, an egoist. But an idiot he is not. On this, you are so wrong. And to suggest that he is less of an egoist than Obama is absurd. To imagine that an economically illiterate, race-baiting, dishonest, disingenuous man should be put in control of the most complex business in the history of the world is also absurd. Of course, he would fail. But it’s not his fault. It’s our nation’s fault, perhaps not the first time in 2008, when we had to prove we were not a racist nation, but certainly when he was reelected (assuming the swing states’ voting precincts with 120% of registered voters for Obama did not hand him a second term).

        There are so many ways in which the current administration has proven not only to be rank amateurs, but frankly incompetent. And to have anyone, ANYONE, believing that the treacherous, treasonous, lying criminal that, as yet, holds the Democrat lead, should be anywhere other than jail, is beyond me. Unfortunately, any sentiment otherwise affirms to me the wholly unethical and contemptible character of any supporter of hers at this very late stage of factual revelation. It’s also clear to me that it is SHE you should have been arguing should have been thrown out of HER legacy political party, not Trump out of his nominal political party.

        Trump has been underestimated in whatever he has done, and you, and many others will underestimate him again. Your contemptuous dismissal of those of us Americans, who have begun to see him, even hesitantly, as a wholly different potential Chief Executive, as illiterates, boors, idiots, and cretins proves only how out of touch you are with the rest of America. That’s fine, Jack. You haven’t lived outside the northeast, and you can’t be blamed for not knowing. (No, well, maybe, yes you can.)

        When Trump beats Biden in the general election in November 2016, I will wave to you as you depart the United States, and I will return from my self-imposed exile in New Zealand to watch what happens. It will indeed be the Greatest Show on Earth.

        • Thanks, old friend, this brightened my day! I was looking for some P.G. Wodehouse, Robert Benchley or perhaps P.J. O’Roarke to read this morning to salve my sagging spirits…maybe some S.J. Perelman? Paul Krugman? But this is so much better! I am flattered that you went to the trouble of composing this gem just for me, but it all comes so easy for you! My favorite quotes, if I may?

          1. “Look, Trump has not earned high marks from me for civility in his early showings…”
          This caused me to try to envision someone who WOULD give Trump anything but failing marks for civility. I ended up with the demon Pazuzu, who authored the classic, “Your mother sucks cocks in Hell!” The current Vegas odds are 2-5 that Trump borrows this to use on Megyn Kelly.

          2. “[H]e refuses to accept the “polite form of tyranny” that is political correctness, and adopt the blind obedience of those who demand that we label what is false to be true.” This is deft satire worthy of Swift, as those of us who are not cretins know, for example, that asserting that it is true that the U.S. could ever or would ever forcibly eject 13 million souls from the country except on “Everybody pretend to be Hitler Day” or repeal (or amend) the 14th Amendment when virtually anyone not rolling around trying to bit off his straight jacket and screaming “I am Dr. Pepper!!!” knows it’s false.

          3. “You don’t get to be worth $10 billion by being untrustworthy and lacking in accountability.” The innate absurdity of this one is self-evident. See, I would done a much more obvious version, like “You don’t get to be Secretary of State by being untrustworthy and lacking in accountability.” Therein lies the difference between mere mortals and the satire gods, alas!

          4. “But an idiot he is not.” This one is subtle, as you set it up so brilliantly with your introduction, which of course was designed to show how a non-idiot proclaims his intellectual superiority, and not by repeatedly saying, Trumpishly, “I’m really smart! I have a very high IQ!” I bet you even know that I was watching the latest episode of Showtime’s “Ray Donovan” last night and immediately thought of Trump when Ray’s nice, sweet, broken brother who is about to marry a Mexican wrestler who is after his money went Full Fredo last night, saying, as only idiots do (he would lose to Fredo in Scrabble, and maybe to Trump), “I know people say I’m not smart, but I am.” [‘Despite the fact that I just told a guy I barely know who was really an undercover priest from the Vatican that my brother shot the priest who molested me in the head.’] How did you know I just watched this? But all the great ones know the importance of research to set up a really good joke. I am awash in awe!

          4. “And to suggest that he is less of an egoist than Obama is absurd.” Thus evoking the Rationalization that gets my biggest laughs in my seminars: #22, “it’s Not the Worst Thing!”

          5. The next section, discussing the unchallenged (at least by me) contention that the current administration is the most incompetent in centuries employs the too little used humorous device, one of my favorites, of interrupting one’s own argument with irrelevancies. This brings back fond memories of chuckling, as a mere child, at parodies like,

          ROSES ARE RED, VIOLETS ARE BLUE, I LIKE ICE CREAM, CAN YOU SWIM?

          Thank you. I had almost forgotten. I’m smiling.

          6. “…as a wholly different potential Chief Executive” Brilliant! Made me laugh out loud, especially after the previous riff on Obama. This is such complex humor that it evokes Voltaire cross-bred with Stephen Wright! My God, the entire history of American humor might have been altered had Old Crimson had the prescience to bring you to Cambridge where the Lampoon was poised to go national. You know, of course, that Trump would be, ironically, exactly like the current Chief Executive is so many ways—incompetent, arrogant, narcissistic, evasive, lazy—and yet you STILL can mine the humor of stating the obvious while forcing any sophisticated reader with a modicum of wit and imagination to reflect upon OTHER potential Chief Executives who would also be “different”—-Bernie Sanders, Generalissimo Francisco Franco, Sheila Jackson Lee, Kanye West, Dan Savage, Assad, Elmo, Won Ton Ton (the Dog Who Saved Hollywood0, Maury the Geek, Ted Nugent, Lindsay Lohan, one of the “Packies” from Jurassic World, a crumpled up piece of paper, Lincoln Chafee, Inmate C5711900 at the Nebraska Institute For Violent Offenders, or Cecil the Lion.

          6. The idea that not living in the U.S. provides a better perspective than living here, like the unspoken but implied suggestion that not spending a lifetime studying leadership, character and the U.S. Presidency provides more expertise than doing so (like me, as you know), is just intrinsically funny. “Pure gold,” as Jerry Seinfeld would say!

          7. Your last paragraph is just a classic for the ages, and to analyze what makes it so funny is like expounding on the geometrical source of Rita Hayworth’s beauty. I would sooner defile this masterpiece, by Wodehouse, as you know, having studied and bettered the greats…

          “I remember when I was a kid at school having to learn a poem of sorts about a fellow named Pig-something—a sculptor he would have been, no doubt—who made a statue of a girl, and what should happen one morning but that the bally thing suddenly came to life. A pretty nasty shock for the chap, of course, but the point I’m working round to is that there were a couple of lines that went, if I remember correctly: She starts. She moves. She seems to feel The stir of life along her keel. And what I’m driving at is that you couldn’t get a better description of what happened to Gussie as I spoke these heartening words. His brow cleared, his eyes brightened, he lost that fishy look, and he gazed at the slug, which was still on the long, long trail with something approaching bonhomie. A marked improvement.”

          ― P.G. Wodehouse, Right Ho, Jeeves

          8. And the best part is, everyone knows you support Rand Paul…whose name originally was right after Won Ton Ton in my list above.

          9. Please come home, Peter! I miss you!

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