I must admit, I’m a little annoyed at my head for exploding this time, even given the provocation. After all, it involves Ben Carson, and I assumed that the small but nauseating doses of Ben Carson idiocy I was forced to listen to during all those debates served as an anti-head explosion vaccination of sorts, though if Donald Trump is to believed, which of course he isn’t, I was risking autism. I assumed there wasn’t anything the deluded doctor could say that would be so stupid and outrageous that it could cause a brain-pan eruption at this point. Obviously, as I stare up at the brain-splattered ceiling in my office, I was wrong.
I now realize that Ben Carson may be the only living human being alive whom I would consider voting for Donald Trump to keep out of the Presidency. I’m not certain, mind you, but it’s stunning to me that anyone is even close to that bad. What would a choice between Trump and Dr. Ben be like? It would be like choosing between Billionaire Biff in “Back to the Future II” and Chance, the well-meaning, lucky moron in “Being There.“ It would be like choosing between Mister Burns and Homer Simpson.
When Carson announced he was endorsing Trump, some pundit wrote that it was “huge.” I tried to imagine the kind of voter who would regard the judgment of a manifest dim-wit like Carson a persuasive reason to vote for a massive fraud like Donald Trump. See, endorsements are silly all by themselves, unless you are just lost. Who is so devoid of pride and self-confidence that they think, “Well, I admire X, and thus I will assume that X’s judgement about who I should vote for to lead my country is better than my own”?*
Now imagine someone thinking that when the endorsement comes from someone who isn’t wearing pants, has a gooney bird nesting on his head, and is carrying a sign that says “Kourtney Kardashsian is God.” What kind of a person is persuaded by that fool’s presidential choice? Yet Ben Carson, with his bizarre belief about how the best person to handle the most difficult job in the world would be someone with no relevant skills or experience whatsoever—let’s not even get into his beliefs about pyramids and other matters—is no less ridiculous than the pantless goony bird character, and a lot more arrogant.
Endorsing Donald Trump is foolish, but no surprise when a Ben Carson—you know, a moron— is the endorser. Today, however, he “explained” his endorsement, and revealed that it was even more incompetent and irresponsible than an endorsement of an atrocious candidate is by nature.
Interviewed on the “Steve Malzberg Show” yesterday, Carson explained that..
I. He wasn’t really all that sure that Trump would be a good President. See, Ben, an endorsement is supposed to tell people that you have decided that a candidate is the best candidate, and that generally is taken to mean that the endorser at least thinks he would be a good President. Ben is apparently from the Bizarro Planet, however, and he said…
“Even if Donald Trump turns out not to be such a great president, which I don’t think is the case — I think he’s going to surround himself with really good people — but even if he didn’t, we’re only looking at four years, as opposed to multiple generations and perhaps the loss of the American dream forever.”
Wait—who is running against Trump who will be elected for “multiple generations” ? What the heck is Carson babbling about?
Get the gooney bird! But it got worse.
At least Carson thinks Trump is the best of a bad lot, right? Well, not exactly. Here’s Ben:
“I didn’t see a path for Kasich, who I like, or for Rubio, who I like. As far as Cruz is concerned, I don’t think he’s gonna be able to draw independents and Democrats unless has has some kind of miraculous change… Is there another scenario that I would have preferred? Yes. But that scenario isn’t available.”
“With one of the other candidates, you mean?” Malzberg asked.
“Yes,” Carson replied.
What exactly does Carson think helps about a Presidential endorsement that is accompanied by the disclaimers that he isn’t really sure his candidate will be very good at the job, and that he would have preferred to endorse any of three other candidates? Does Carson think? Can he think?
And he wasn’t done yet! Carson then said that Trump had promised him a role in his administration, “certainly in an advisory capacity,” thus implying that the reason he endorsed his fourth choice as President whom he really wasn’t sure could do the job anyway, was that the doctor was bribed. Federal law prohibits candidates from directly or indirectly promising “the appointment of any person to any public or private position or employment, for the purpose of procuring support in his candidacy.” I know, I know, this has to be the most flagrantly and frequently violated law related to politics on the books. However, those involved seldom are so candid about it.
This is Carson’s one saving grace: he’s honest. He’s not smart or sensible enough to realize that being a retired neurosurgeon who blundered into fame by criticizing the President at a prayer breakfast no more qualifies someone to run for President than having six toes on one foot. He was jaw-droppingly absurd in the debates and ran an incompetent campaign that wasted his contributors’ money on crooked consultants, but he never tried to hide his incompetence, in part because his oddly-constructed mind isn’t able to discern what normal human beings think is incompetent.
Thus he happily informs the world that he doesn’t have much confidence that Donald Trump will be a good president, and would have rather endorsed one of the other candidates, but that he endorsed Trump anyway, because he was bribed with a promise of a job Carson is completely unqualified for anyway.
Ben CARSON, Ladies and Gentlemen!
Did no one explain to Ben—surely a 12-year-old could have done it— that the idea of an endorsement is to help the designated candidate by indicating that a respected figure believes he is the best choice, so more people will vote for him? It is also best not to put the candidate endorsed into legal jeopardy by explaining that the endorsement was enticed by a violation of federal law.
As I write this, my head feel like it is going to blow again. How dare such a pathetic, ignorant fool presume to mess around in the governance of a nation? How could the United States allow more an an ineducable few reach adulthood without the modicum of critical reasoning skills and civic literacy to know that someone this self-evidently deluded should be laughed back under his rock, instead of allowed to distort the critical process of choosing a President?
*Okay, the answer is, “Someone who isn’t very bright.” All right, all right! As both parties are proving, that category IS “huge.”