This Comment of the Day is atypical, but I want to highlight it.
It’s doesn’t really matter what the original exchange was that prompted it, or who the other commenter was. What matters to me is that a respected, smart, articulate member of the colloquy here felt denigrated and mistreated, and that her experience as a commenter was diminished as a result. There may even have been a misunderstanding involved; right now that is not my concern either.
I allow the discourse to get very intense here at times, and I will continue to. Lines are crossed—civility, insults, epithets, outbursts, personal attacks, mockery, blatant contempt–I cross them myself on occasion. Those who thrive here are remarkable, I have found, in taking rhetorical punches to the jaw and the gut and bouncing back without rancor or reduction in passion.
Nonetheless, the Golden Rule should never be too far out of mind on an ethics site. We can all make our points without being gratuitously nasty and mean. Stinging slapdowns can be fun–I enjoy them, though I save my worst for especially annoying visitors who I don’t care to have return—but they need to be kept to a minimum. Sincere, thoughtful, honest and perceptive commenters like Mrs. Q should never feel the way this post indicates that an exchange made her feel. Ethics Alarms is designed to be challenging and contentious, but not hostile. She hasn’t commented since this was filed; I hope that she has just been busy, because Mrs. Q has been a unique and wonderful asset since she first dropped in a few months ago.
Let’s do better.
Here is Mrs. Q’s Comment of the Day on the post, “Comment Of The Day: “Comment of the Day: ‘From The Law vs. Ethics File: The Discriminatory Charlotte Pride Parade’”
The level of disrespect you have shown me, with the snark & unwillingness to do the research yourself, tells anyone reading that there is something inside you that is either terribly unhappy or unhealthy. I cannot in good conscience continue to deal with someone who is so vengeful. You’ve proven you’re incapable of responding in a civil manner towards me when I have not insulted you in any similar way. It’s been a pattern & if you & I were in person I’d simply walk away & pray for you.
My disability makes my time precious & my family comes before internet commenting. That you would make fun of my need to prioritize my family over responding online says so much more about you than me.
I was planning on answering your questions but your last little dig is my last straw. I’m sure you’ll say I’m weak or not answering you b/c I’m scared or stupid or a TERF or whatever disparaging term you can think of & that’s fine. I won’t be goaded into your games.
This is my last comment to you. I’m proverbially walking away from you & praying for your heart to sweeten, find grace, and patience. I believe you are a seeker & I believe one day you’ll learn how to be both more respectful and find the answers you seek.
Go ahead and insult this comment. I know for the time being you can’t help yourself. I still like you & wish you well but you can’t help but be rude to me & it’s simply time to ignore the bullies. Take care.
14 thoughts on “Comment Of The Day:”Comment Of The Day: “Comment of the Day: ‘From The Law vs. Ethics File: The Discriminatory Charlotte Pride Parade’”’”
Well said. I wish I were as strong as she (with regards to not lashing out at detractors in a similar fashion as was directed at myself).
Chris, I agree with you. There are three people on this blog that I will not read or respond to, for much the same reason Ms. Q mentioned. Having read her responses, I find her articulate, intelligent and experienced. I will engage with her any day, and have no problems disagreeing with her. Others, not so much. Primarily because she is willing to engage in thoughtful discussion. Both you and Mrs. Q have had life experiences I cannot hope to duplicate. Thus, for those life experiences, I rely on the two of you for expertise…I DO NOT expect nor do I claim that my own political/philosophical bend gives me the right to question or attack your actual life-experiences. You guys been there, buddy…’seen the elephant’, so to speak. I seriously wish others shared this opinion.
Thanks DD! Im pretty much open to responding to anyone and everyone, as no one, IMO, has been outwardly rude to me. Stubborn, close-minded, or aggressively challenging yes, but to this 3rd one, as Mrs. Q mentions below, it’s very stimulating to participate in that kind of forum, and it’s helped me working on reducing the level of snark I put in to my replies. For someone who speaks sarcasm more fluently than I speak English, but also values tact, manners, and never giving an opponent a superficial threat with which to tug, that’s a big deal. Regardless, I’m glad that I’m able to bring my POV and life experiences to this forum.
It does matter what the commenter she was responding to said, because it helps us judge whether this was a fair response or an unfair one.
Looking back, I think a little more benefit of the doubt could have helped her realize my comment was meant as a genuine compliment toward her initial COTD, not denigration. But I can see how she interpreted my comment the way she did, thus her response was, while based on a mistaken interpretation, still fair.
In the future I will make an effort to be more clear and ensure there is no mistaking my words.
But how people feel is not a matter of fair or unfair, Chris. That was part of my point: I think most readers are admirably thick skinned, including, God knows, you. But having unusually thick skin shouldn’t be a survival-level requirement of being an active participant here.
Back in the day I played a LOT of pick-up basketball. Locally at “The Wall,” the Nat, the Red Gym, James Madison, Warner & Orton Parks, and later on travelling: TX, FL, AZ, NY, GA, VA…Alaska?
The constants were always the same: one pivot foot, one step after you pick up your dribble, a turnover is a turnover, 3 seconds means don’t push yer luck, and ball-in-basket is the focus.
The one non-constant: What’s a “foul.” You always found out real quick who the cry babies were.
Short of getting @$$-checked into the bleachers, I’d say “play on,” just like this forum.
You & Ms. Q strike me as the kind that wouldn’t weenie-whine in a pick-up game.
You’re not going anywhere. Let’s hope she drops back in.
You did 3 second violations in pick up basketball? That’s pretty dang intense!
“You did 3 second violations in pick up basketball?”
Nah, we played NBA rules where there ain’t no such thing…
Anywho, that may have been unclear, there was the general understanding that one ought not camp out down there.
Most fouling was congenially “self-reported.” Mrs. Q believes she got hacked and there was no call.
Mrs. Q (below); Coors Light in the sun? We spent the early evening the very same way (different brand), before I was relegated to grill duty. Mercy me, don’t get much better’n that, am I right!
Did you mention that you’re in the Pacific NW? If so, you may have heard of my Dear Sister Anna.
I just happened to take a gander at EA today when I saw this. Jack I am truly appreciative of your blog as a space for debate, even intense ones. And also Jack thanks for posting this.
My wife is here next to me on the deck, soaking her feet as I soak up some sun. Before I made that last comment to Chris she & I talked about how online comments can be a free run for Saul Alinsky type tactics to abound. Those tactics are summarized below:
-Various styles of pressure
-Pick a target, freeze it, personalize it, and polarize it.
For me it doesn’t matter if I am in-person or online, such behavior as mentioned above serves to benefit the ego, not create space for respectful debate. As a person of faith I do my best to abstain from strife and “warring” in this world, and my time on EA is no different. Perhaps that makes me seem weak, but my life is about more than winning fights with those who only wish to badger and are too lazy to look up controversial opinions themselves.
I took some days off from EA because in general I’m evaluating what commenting does for my life. I learned about Ethics Alarms from 2 men who suggested this site to me. As I’ve mentioned I’m disabled. Only a couple years ago didn’t have the cognition to even read a blog like this. As my health as slowly improved I’ve had to be very cautious about how my time/energy is spent. EA and The Federalist have been the only sites that have been worth my time, and EA especially is where I chose to make my comments. I felt that my perspectives might be of some interest because I am a bibliophile & (I hope) a decent writer and have some unique perspectives as a kind of “backlash to the backlash.”
Any commenter on EA should know that there is an element of comment “fight club” here where folks duke it out & it’s very stimulating to participate in or observe. I think it was Zoltar who first challenged me. Love that guy. Chris was next. Love him too. I learned quickly if you want to comment here, you’d better be able to know what you’re talking about…and I love that! But I won’t be disrespected. Not here and not in my personal life.
Quite frankly I believe Chris is absolutely lying when he claimed his gratitude for my “thought provoking comment” was about the initial comment/post itself. If that had been the case, he would have said that initially long before I mentioned that I was busy that weekend. No, his comment was directed at and nested directly under my comment (man this feels like kindergarten) about my responding later. It was a dig meant to ridicule, push negativity, and polarize. The proof is in the context based on the timing of his snarky comment. It was about him looking smart or sassy or whatever, and trying to make me feel foolish. This came after several incidences of Chris not doing his own research on my comments and demonstrating reading comprehension issues.
If someone isn’t willing to look up themselves what someone else is saying, I’m not going to waste what little energy & time I have repeatedly explaining. And if someone isn’t willing to read carefully what someone else says & ask respectfully clarifying questions, my time is wasted. This is why I will not respond to Chris until he not only apologizes for what he knows he did but follows up with being respectful to me from now on. He can respectfully challenge me, but only after he takes his own time to research my points himself and focus on comprehending rather than just knee-jerk arguing every time.
This is Jacks blog and people get to act disrespectfully here but I’m not interested in such nonsense. I wish I could say I’m above disrespect & bitterness but I’m not. Like everyone I have to pause before I hit that send button. This is why I often take my time in commenting because I believe one can speak their truth and do it without being a jackass, but I admit, especially online, it’s easy to fall prey to rudeness. That being said I have already forgiven Chris, but forgiveness doesn’t mean taking crap from him or anyone else here.
Jack if you’ll still have me, I’ll be back to comment, and from now on I’ll make sure to provide more links to things. Now though it’s time to go back to my lovely wife and have a Coors Light.
Here’s some links regarding that first comment about the LGBT stuff.
Mrs. Q, I am sorry for being careless enough in my writing that I led you to believe I was denigrating you. I will apologize for that as many times as you wish, but I cannot apologize for something I did not do. If you go back to the original comments you will see that others here understood my intent. This is the last I will say on the subject.
I appreciate the apology, and urge Mrs. Q to take you at your word, Chris.
You should know, though, that I also read it as she did.
From the GenderTrender link:
“This American has guns and if I see one of these violent deranged males in any women’s facility I am in, their past behavior proves that they are a threat to my life and I will act accordingly.”
And from Mrs Q herself:
“It’s clear to me that 2017 is the year the gay rights movement died & it’s time gays, lesbians, and bisexuals leave the alphabet mess that has become the replacement to actual acceptance of all LGB folks.
“What’s next?” We should all be asking this. After the T the I the A the Q & other letters what will be added on next? Transracials as part of the movement? Transanimals? Transrobots? Transspeciesrobots? Where will it end & how long will regular folks who are simply in same sex relationships allow themselves to be corralled into the same group(s) that offer insanity, narcissism, and even violence? When will we say “enough”, get out of the LGBTQIA mafia and live our lives?
We should not advocate for 8 year olds to start hormones that could ruin their health permanently, we should not advance the cause of Big Pharma neutering confused gays, we should not sign off on discrimination/separation of conservative gays. We need to look into our own lives and find our fulfillment in our families, friends, and hobbies. The “movement” is no longer ours & in certain ways maybe it never was. The point of the movement was supposed to be to not need the movement anymore. It’s time we grow up, out, and away from a movement that now is about money, social control, and destruction of the natural human body.
Yes we may experience violence & hatred due to being gay but lets just be honest…these days the violence is more likely to come from those who see gay as something to tran-scend. Bubba in his Ford truck cares less about two ladies who hold hands than the anti-gay trans antifa who sees lesbians especially as a threat. Make no mistake- this is war. In war the purpose is to subdue the enemy. Dykes are enemy #1. Next they will come for the gay men, bi’s & even heterosexuals. They want us gone because we represent orientation towards only one sex & lesbians are the gateway b/c we’re not likely to be fooled by a some guy who says “my penis is really a large clitoris.” We know that no matter how much you alter the outsides, a woman is a woman & nothing can replace her natural flesh & spirit. Science, technology, and pseudo-victim narcissism doth not make a woman.
If we don’t start telling the truth about what’s happening in the LGBT movement to actual gays, we may find ourselves in a very bad situation in 10-20 years. Gays, not trans, have always been targets for death & destruction & my guess is that should such a day come in our lifetime, you can bet it will be a so-called post-gay that will lead the charge.
Well meaning allies won’t understand at first, but it’s time they know…the gay rights movement had been hijacked and is now dangerous to gays. It’s time to cut the proverbial cord and move on.”
I stand by every single word of that comment Sue.
Btw have you read The Smear: How Shady Political Operatives and Fake News Control What You See, What You Think, and How You Vote? It’s by Cheryl Attkisson.