Comment(s) Of The Day: My Annual Christmas Music Lament: Parts I and II

Lots of excellent comments around the blog this week, perhaps because the number of quality comments tends to be inverse to the number of posts I’m able to put up. I haven’t even scratched the surface of Tuesday’s Open Forum, which, I am told, contains many treasures.

I’m putting up two Comments of the Day that resulted from the two Christmas music posts. The first is unusually short for a COTD, but it made me laugh out loud, which is hard to do these days. Joel Mundt was commenting on a Christmas song from Hell called “Fairytale of New York” that Steve-O was kind enough to plant on our brains. The upbeat ditty’s lyrics:

You’re a bum
You’re a punk
You’re an old slut on junk
Lying there almost dead on a drip in that bed
You scumbag, you maggot
You cheap lousy faggot
Happy Christmas your arse
I pray God it’s our last

Joel earned Comment of the Day honors by writing,

“Fairytale of New York” still sounds better than “Simply Having a Wonderful Christmastime”, which is the worst song – Christmas-related or otherwise – in the history of humanity.

If there was a Christmas song with the title of “I Chopped the Presents Up With an Axe on Christmas Day Before I Kicked the Neighbor in the Head and Burned the Churches Down and Spit on the Mistletoe and Let the Dog Pee in the Egg Nog”…that song would still be better than “Simply Having a Wonderful Christmastime.”

And I LOVE Egg Nog…

A bit harsh, perhaps (my son, who is an afficianado of all pop music written after 1963 likes Paul’s Christmas song), especially when the competition for Worst Song Ever is so fierce. By all means, submit your nominees.

Joel’s COTD was in the Part II thread, about modern Christmas songs. Paul Compton’s Comment of the Day was in reaction to My Annual Christmas Music Lament: Part I, The Worst Carols.

His addendum about Bing Crosby’s star power compared to his disciples Frank and Dean also went straight to my heart…

C.S. Lewis: comment on Christian Hymns, and some of those singing them:

“I disliked very much their hymns, which I considered to be fifth-rate poems set to sixth-rate music. But as I went on I saw the great merit of it. I came up against different people of quite different outlooks and different education, and then gradually my conceit just began peeling off. I realized that the hymns (which were just sixth-rate music) were, nevertheless, being sung with devotion and benefit by an old saint in elastic-side boots in the opposite pew, and then you realize that you aren’t fit to clean those boots. It gets you out of your solitary conceit.”

I find that there are a great many Hymns and Christian songs, both ancient and modern, that drive me crazy, but carols more than most.

“But little Lord Jesus
No crying he makes”

What, WHAT? Rubbish like that is right up there with the monastery down in the Sinai somewhere, which claims they have the original burning bush in their courtyard, when it comes to making Christians look like witless charlatans!

Just don’t get me started on Christian movies over the years. Most of those make the songs look good!

Surely if we are singing to the King of Kings we ought to avoid causing him to wince constantly. Naturally, there is about half a theology degree in considering that we are imperfect, fallen creatures and that God loves us doing our best even when it is somewhat average! We all love our children and grandchildren giving it their best shot.

However, when you look at secular songs, or movies, things aren’t really any better. The vast majority of them are absolute drivel, often carried by a catchy tune or fast action and computer graphics alone. I draw a little solace in that…

Even more annoying for me is that if you find the Bible quoted in some secular movie you can guarantee that it will be misquoted and mangled. But then, what do movies NOT misquote and mangle? They constantly do it with history.

I should, in the interest of ‘full and open disclosure’ or whatever the expression is, say that I can’t sing, can’t hold a tune, am tone deaf and couldn’t write a decent lyric to save my life. Our church choir of some years ago asked (instructed could be a better word) me to STAY AWAY!

P.S. If you want to see what star quality is, look up Robin and the Seven Hoods and find the scene where Dean Martin and Frank Sinatra are doing a song and dance act and Bing Crosby slides in. If I was the other two I’d be embarrassed to be seen with him.

4 thoughts on “Comment(s) Of The Day: My Annual Christmas Music Lament: Parts I and II

  1. ““But little Lord Jesus
    No crying he makes””

    True story. Our former minister would dress up as Joseph on Christmas Eve and do a Christmas service in character. Our favorite part was when he said, “You know that song about how little Lord Jesus no crying he makes? Well that kid had the biggest set of lungs you ever heard!”

  2. Thanks so much, Jack. I’m glad you saw humor in that response. Every time I hear that bouncing keyboard riff (I think it’s a keyboard) that opens “Simply Having…”, I cringe and reach for the dial.

    I really appreciate your work building and maintaining this site. It’s more and more difficult to find a place that tackles topics in anything other than a completely biased and partisan manner. This site is an oasis in a spreading desert. And your readers are incredibly smart and thought-provoking in their own right. Every visit is an education for me.

    Keep up the great work!

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