Let’s Play “Only In America!” Today’s Quandary: The Gorilla Glue Girl

“Only in America!” isn’t exactly an ethics quiz. It’s more of an “Is this a great country of a sick country?” game that focuses on the values and strengths of the culture….or otherwise

Incidentally, June 17 marks the date when, in 1885, the dismantled Statue of Liberty, a gift of friendship from the people of France arrives in New York Harbor after being shipped across the Atlantic Ocean in 350 pieces. The copper and iron statue was reassembled and dedicated the following year in a ceremony presided over by U.S. President Grover Cleveland. The statue was designed by French sculptor Frederic-Auguste Bartholdi, who modeled it after his own mother, we are told—that woman was BIG!—with assistance from engineer Gustave Eiffel, later famous for, well, you know. It was supposed to be up in time to celebrate the 100th anniversary of the Declaration of Independence, but financing took longer than expected. Even ignoring the pedestal and assembly process, he statue alone cost France an estimated $250,000, or $5.5 million in today’s money). It, or she, finally reached her forever home on Bedloe’s Island nine years late. At the dedication, President Cleveland, said, “We will not forget that Liberty has here made her home; nor shall her chosen altar be neglected.” At more than 305 feet from the foundation of its pedestal to the top of its torch, the statue was taller than any structure in New York City at the time.

In 1903, a plaque inscribed with a sonnet titled “The New Colossus” by American poet Emma Lazarus was placed on an interior wall of the pedestal. Lazarus words, especially “Give me your tired, your poor/Your huddled masses yearning to breathe free,’ have caused a lot of confusion over the years, as many people and even some under-educated elected officials seem to think they represent official U.S. policy, hence “Welcome, illegal immigrants!”

None of which has anything to do with the issue at hand, which is this: In February, Ethics Alarms examined the weird story of Tessica Brown, who decided that the the perfect hair product for her needs was Gorilla Glue adhesive spray. Then, after the predictable result, she posted a video showing the world what an idiot she was, and threatening Gorilla Glue with a lawsuit, an idea the company quickly knocked down for the count. She lost a lot of hair, and even needed plastic surgery. Here’s angry Tessica in the video:

Now, we learn that Tessica has launched her own line of hair care products that will “hold a ponytail like glue,” but not like Gorilla Glue the company is called “Forever Hair,” and made for women who have damaged hair issues. You can view her products at www.tbforeverhair.com, and see things like this:

…and related merchandise like this, the “Where Ma Hair?” T-shirt featuring an image of Tessica from her infamous video:

No, I’m not making this up.

So the “Only in America!” question is this…Is Tessica’s transformation from an evident idiot into a canny entrepreneur proof of America’s greatness, where the intrepid and creative can make lemonade out of lemons, and no mistake is so dire that a citizen can’t use the wonders of capitalism to rise again? Or is this more proof that in the age of social media in a celebrity-besotted culture, any publicity can be monetized, and there are enough suckers who will buy hair products from someone who has proven beyond all doubt that she is an untrustworthy dolt that a cynical marketing scheme like this can succeed?


22 thoughts on “Let’s Play “Only In America!” Today’s Quandary: The Gorilla Glue Girl

      • Which is to say… Not successful at all.

        That’s my answer…. She’s not an Uncanny Entrepreneur or Proof that Idiocy Can Be Monetized, she’s evidence that people like to talk about stupid people, and has successfully extended her 15 minutes of fame. She might sell a little bit of merch for a season or two, and be back to flipping burgers before 2021 is done.

  1. Is Tessica’s transformation from an evident idiot into a canny entrepreneur proof of America’s greatness. . . (snip)

    Seems to me you left out the third, most likely option: that Tessica remains dumber than a box of rocks, but some canny entrepreneur saw the possibility and approached her with a promise of millions.

  2. I think it is evidence of both options. Option 2 doesn’t preclude option 1, and option 1 is helped by option 2.

  3. Are we sure this wasn’t the plan all along? Perhaps she had the hair care line in the works, and got about a billion dollars worth of free publicity with the Gorilla Glue incident. I mean, how long does it take to develop, manufacture, package, and distribute a line of hair care products in the middle of a pandemic with supply chain disruptions rippling throughout every industry? Is that something one could reasonably do in a couple of months? Am I being too cynical?

    • I suspect it’s pretty easy once you buy a large enough supply of Gorilla Glue, water it down and put it in new bottles with logos you can print at Office Depot or online from Labels-R-Us.


  4. First
    Two words; Jeffrey Toobin

    If there’s one thing we’ve learned in the 21st century, and especially since 2016, it’s the fact that society doesn’t really seem to give a flying fuck if an outspoken person has shown that they’re a blithering idiot, as long as that outspoken person conforms to the new social justice standards that are being rammed down the throats of the population by totalitarian hive minded fools.

    P.S. I’m guessing that some company out there hunted down this Tessica Brown fool to sell their product that’s probably not as good as other products; let’s face it, if they have to use this imbeciles face to sell their product then it must have been close to trash heap anyway. She’ll probably make a little money on the endorsement and the company will have a temporary windfall of cash and then it will all fade away like a short winded fad. Also; it’s a free market and there’s no reason stupid people shouldn’t make money on their stupidity.

  5. When seeking to succeed in this world, it’s wise to assess how you stand out from others and make the most of those strengths. In Tessica’s case, her most notable attributes are that she’s dumber than a box of hammers, and that she’s absolutely without shame. Normally, that skill set would suggest a career in politics, but hawking haircare products for stupid people also seems like a good fit for her.

  6. One clue on her website is an email address, Jonny@killbrand.com. Kill Brand has been around for several years, at least, and could very well be involved, perhaps the company Steve W. mentioned. I as well, think both options are in play here. What a country!

    • Having Tessica Brown endorse the products appears to me to be a Hail Mary in hopes of making a failing product line come alive again. I’m guessing they searched and couldn’t find anyone better to endorse the products which doesn’t say much for the products.

  7. I knew a really stupid guy many years ago that, if my memory is accurate, used some kind of black clothing dye to turn his greying hair black again, his face swelled up like a freaking balloon, he spent a few days in a hospital and he lost what hair he had left. Just a point of fact; he was a stupid old black guy that could barely read.

    I also knew a really stupid girl many years ago that used some kind of extremely flammable fluid to clean the polish off her fingernails, which was not your regular fingernail polish remover, and set herself on fire when she lit her cigarette, the fire got out of control, she burned down her family’s house and she nearly died in the fire. Just a point of fact; she was a stupid young white girl.

    Stupid people come in all shapes, sizes, ages and colors; stupid knows no boundaries.

  8. This is more proof that any publicity can be monetized, and there are enough suckers who will buy ANYTHING from someone who has proven beyond all doubt that she is an untrustworthy dolt that a cynical marketing scheme like this can succeed.

    [Brought to you by Carl’s Junior … ] 😉

  9. May I remind you all of Edison.

    When a reporter asked, “How did it feel to fail 1,000 times?” Edison replied, “I didn’t fail 1,000 times. The light bulb was an invention with 1,000 steps.” “Great success is built on failure, frustration, even catastrophe .”

    So, it took Edison 999 more steps (read: failures, frustrations, catastrophes) then this fine young girl to come to a product that people can use.

    And all the derogatory terms used to describe her and/or this situation:
    evident idiot
    someone who has proven beyond all doubt that she is an untrustworthy dolt
    dumber than a box of rocks
    blithering idiot
    imbeciles face
    there’s no reason stupid people shouldn’t make money on their stupidity.
    Tessica’s most notable attributes are that she’s dumber than a box of hammers
    untrustworthy dolt

    This for one step. Makes me wonder what derogatory terms would be used when talking about Edison.

    • Great point. He was regarded as a “slow” child because he was strange, and also had a hearing problem in one ear.

      Samuel Goodyear is a good example of an investor who seemed to be a little “slow”: his scientific approach to finding a substance that would make rubber more resilient to heat and wear was to try to mix every known substance with it in alphabetical order, including cream cheese and apple sauce. Eventually he literally stumbled on the right mix.

      He would have tried Gorilla Glue for sure!

    • Zanshin,
      I think your comparison is interesting but not reasonable or logical; Edison didn’t have warning labels and instructions specifically telling him how to use or develop the lightbulb.

      Tessica Brown has instructions and a warning label that she completely ignored, her actual actions earned every one of those derogatory terms. People of average intelligence or higher actually read and follow product directions and pay reasonable attention to warning labels, stupid people do not.

  10. “There is only one thing in the world worse than being talked about, and that is not being talked about.” …and Tessica knows that.

  11. Nowadays I find myself quoting, either mentally or verbally a statement attributed to Albert Einstein, “Two things are immeasurable, the vastness of the universe and the depth of humanity’s stupidity.”

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