More Strange Tales Of The Great Stupid: Attack On The Mona Lisa

Silly me. I thought actor James Cromwell (“Babe,” “The Queen”) super-gluing himself to a Starbucks counter to protest the high price of vegan milk was the dumbest protest I had heard about in years, and it turns out that it wasn’t even the dumbest protest this month.

At the Louvre last night, a man disguised as a handicapped woman was rolling past Leonardo da Vinci’s “Mona Lisa” in a wheelchair when he leapt to his feet and threw a custard pie at the painting. Why? Can’t you guess? He attacked the lady with the ambiguous smile to protest climate change, of course!

“Think about the Earth. People are in the process of destroying the Earth!” he shouted as he was dragged away by security guards. “Artists think about the Earth, that’s why I did this. Think of the planet!”

Got it. You’re an idiot.

I guarantee that the would-be pie assassin couldn’t explain a climate change model to save his life, and that his knowledge of this subject is entirely based on the emotional screeds of activists. Tearing down a statue of Abraham Lincoln seemed like an attenuated reaction to the death of a petty black criminal in Minneapolis, but it was spot on compared to this guy’s stunt. Let’s play the word association game:

“Climate change!”

“Mona Lisa!”

Footnote: The pie didn’t touch the old girl, who is protected by bullet-proof glass.

8 thoughts on “More Strange Tales Of The Great Stupid: Attack On The Mona Lisa

  1. Had to be a Babylon Bee article. Or a Monty Python sketch. “Is it a really GOOD custard pie? Do the French even know good custard? Creme Brulee? Pah! Why not chuck a bloody bouillabaisse, you cheese eating surrender monkey.” Was he sentenced to The Comfy Chair?

  2. I’m surprised you don’t see the line of reasoning here, Jack.
    It may seem to you that the perpetrator is a sausage link short of a Grand Slam Breakfast, but it all makes perfect sense.
    The man was obviously aware that he wasn’t going to harm the actual painting: that was the whole point. You see, the earth and the world’s most famous artwork share a delicate beauty which must be protected from attack, and the clean-up mission is imperative. The fact that some accounts suggest that the projectile was a custard pie and others say it was a frosted cake demonstrates not only that the threats to the environment are diverse and not always recognized for what they are, but also that such threats actually seem like positive influences until their potential for harm is brought to light.
    It all seems so obvious once you think about it.

  3. Most “man-made climate-change” zealots can’t even explain the greenhouse effect. If they could – and they understood it – they would very quickly realize that CO2 levels in the atmosphere have nearly zero impact on climate.

    By the way, my wife makes a custard so good that the Mona Lisa would be proud to wear it, and viewers would be lined up with spoons to help clean her up.

  4. I’m not sure which is the most annoying; this nutter, or the fact that the Mona Lisa has to be protected behind bullet proof glass in the first place!

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