The photo above carries the caption: “Metropolis parking utilizing AI to create drive in drive out parking without the need for a ticket and validation. This lot is at 236 S. Los Angeles in Little Tokyo in Downtown Los Angeles.” Here’s my caption: “Metropolis parking can bite me.”
And did, come to think of it.
This is another installment of my “The Unabomber was right, you know” series.
Yesterday in the early evening I arrived at a scheduled CLE lecture venue near D.C.’s Capitol Hill as in have many times over many years. I had a few bucks ready to tip the nice old guy who worked that shift in the building’s garage. He called me by name and always asked about my health and family; I did the same with him. His job was ti take down my license plate number and run my credit card for the 15 buck change, for which my host always reimburses me. After the three hour seminar, I let myself out of the garage, which is well-lit and not crowded at 9:30 pm or so when I typically leave.
But my friend’s little booth was dark. The gate was open, but I was greeted by a giant sign telling me, in essence, that there was a new parking sheriff in town (aren’t you sick of the MAGA gang using that cliche?) and to listen, and listen tight…or rather to read. I was ordered to take out my cell phone and scan one of those big whatever you call them to install an app on my phone “for a new parking experience.” I had entered the Metropolis Zone:
Seamless. Simple. See for yourself. Drivers park with Metropolis because it’s easier. After connecting their vehicle once, they enjoy seamless, checkout-free parking at all Metropolis-powered facilities forever. One platform. Everyone’s benefit. Metropolis brings groundbreaking technology and world-class operations together — making parking remarkable for everyone. Metropolis re-imagines the entire business model to align incentives with real estate owners. We’re not just a technology provider or a parking operator: we combine those things to deliver the most value possible. Our technology replaces all parking revenue systems for a fraction of the price, saving real estate owners money. All while promoting better experiences, reducing leakage, and empowering operational insights.
Suuuure. But first, let me take off my metaphorical hat in honor of the demise of my friend’s humble job. D.C., after all, goes to an absurd $17.95 an hour minimum wage this year. The job of doing what my friend did in the garage isn’t worth $17.95 an hour, and neither are many other jobs in D.C. But D.C. is “progressive,” and progressives see minimum wage raises that lose jobs (as they all do) as progress. They are definitely progress for unions, which use them to hike their members wages causing a well-documented cascade of high prices devaluing the current wages of everyone.
But back to my parking experience: nobody told me that the parking system had been handed over to bots and cameras since my last seminar, and I didn’t have my Apple phone. Why would I have it? I no longer have a loving wife at home worrying about me. I don’t need the GPS to find my way. I tell lawyers not to carry important information on their phones and to be careful not to lose them. Meanwhile, there was nobody to talk to—Hey! one of the signs had a phone num…oh. Right. I was exactly on time for my gig, but did not have time to spare wandering around the garage. So I parked in my usual space and arrived in the meeting room, passing several other Metropolis signs, some with that thing I was supposed to scan with my non-existent phone (my success rate with such scans is about 50%), some with veiled threats (“Failure to pay via your phone may result in penalties, towing, or booting!” As my freind likes to say, “If you have no options, you have no choice!”
At 9:15 when the seminar ended, I was, as usual, having been on my feet for almost four hours bantering with lawyers, exhausted. THEN one of the very nice staffers on my host organization asked, “Did you say something about not being able to check in when you arrived?” “Why yes, I did,” I replied, receiving an “Oh-oh” in response.
And so it was that the two of us embarked on an odyssey designed to let me out of the garage without risking the dreaded Metropolis Parking Gustapo. This involved him taking a photo with his phone of my car’s tags, him realizing that it was impossible to call the magic number on the sign because there was no signal in the garage, us riding the elevator back up three floors to his office, him going to a website, which gave him another number…“If you are having trouble downloading the app, press 1; if you are having difficulty paying for parking fee, press 2...that eventually led to yet another website, and eventually a human being. My attempted rescuer gave a live person my name, email , and license number, and explained the situation; he also told him that I had a credit card out and was ready to pay the ransom money for my car. The nice, confused young man on the other line replied that there was no way for him to take a credit card, and that I should just drive out and they would forget the whole thing.
The host’s staffer, no fool he, insisted on taking the Metropolis employee’s name just in case my car was vaporized by lasers when I tried to escape. I didn’t get out of there until 10:10 pm, and by the time I arrived home, Spuds was frantic.
You don’t want to come home to a frantic pit bull.
Observations:
1 The system sucks. No system should ever be completely dependent on someone owning a smartphone. There is an ethical obligation to have a fall-back procedure for people like me, or people even poorer than me. Hey! The expense of having two system might save the jobs of victims like my no unemployed friend.
2. I resent being forced to carry my cell phone in order to hand over tickets and park at Washington Nationals games, get the day’s discounts at McDonald’s, ot anything else.
3. I also resent being forced to download apps. How to I know Metropolis isn’t a Trojan Horse for China, Iran, or Gavin Newsom? This is a good subject for consumer protection litigation.
4. Of course, it is also ethically incumbent upon building tenants whose garage suddenly is handed over to SkyNet to let vistors know before they get there!!!
5. My guess: that threatening sign about dire consequences is a lie. The tip-off: there may be penalties. I don’t think this system will be so economical if they have to track down parking patrons who can’t figure out their system.
Ethics Alarms 
1) I don’t even have a smartphone. This isn’t going to end well if people are FORCED to buy and use smartphones. I’m not doing it. They can kiss my ass. I rarely even take my flip phone with me. Smartphones are not secure.
3) Yeah, download the app it’s free. Have you ever read one of those user agreements for any app you downloaded to your smartphone? Guess what, I had a smartphone back around 2007 or 2008. When the 2 year contract expired I went back to the flip phone because I read one of those user agreements. That was 17 years ago – they have to be worse now. Reserve the right to read your messages, read your contacts, etc. etc. Fuck that.
I’ll never use a smartphone and somebody is going to have to make a law that prevents businesses from leaving the only choice of payment with a smartphone app.
What you have not mentioned is that by downloading the “free” app you have given something for free (your information) and not getting anything of value to you in return. The whole rationale for them demanding that you give up your personal info is that they are giving you something of value in return such as a no cost social media account or a game like Candy Crush. In this case, you are effectively doing their job for them by automating the in and out process. How does the individual benefit? They do not. For this to be a seamless process you will have to fork over your credit card number to Metropolis that they will keep on file. You have absolutely no idea what security protects your identity.
When corporate systems are hacked the consumer is typically given free Identity Theft protection for two years. As I understand it, acceptance of that ID theft protection from the business prevents you from suing the firm for negligence. That still does not stop you from being victimized it just means they will help restore you – to the best of their ability – after your bank account is drained, your credit cards are maxed out or you find that someone has taken a loan out in your name.
This year I have gotten notices from two different firms that indicated that their systems were compromised and I was offered Identity Theft protection from both firms. Why would I need two? The best thing you can do is lock down your credit by contacting the various credit reporting agencies. Stopping fraud on your credit cards requires that you audit your monthly statements to verify every debit on that account and never set up a recurring minimum payment. If you do not challenge a charge on your account within 2 billing cycles you will be hard pressed to get the charge reversed.
Why do you think Microsoft is restarting Three Mile Island Nuclear Plant? They need the electricity to power the AI systems that will control your world. In ten years a chip will be implanted in your head to carry out all their requests. No need for a cell phone in the future.
Why do you think Microsoft is restarting Three Mile Island Nuclear Plant? They need the electricity to power the AI systems that will control your world. In ten years a chip will be implanted in your head to carry out all their requests. No need for a cell phone in the future.
You have my sympathy. We started running into those machines that require you to use your phone to get entry (thankfully, it doesn’t ask you to scan a QR code). It’s jarring to suddenly find yourself unable to get into a parking garage the old-fashioned way.
I, too, am becoming annoyed at the number of things for which I’m expected to use my phone. I intentionally purchased an older model phone a few years ago with fewer bells and whistles because I didn’t want to have to use it for everything.
The storage is about 32 GB and I am nearly full. Not because of my stuff, mind you, but because of apps that the organizations to which I belong, including my workplace, want me to have on my phone. I resent having to having to have apps on my phone that I never use.
I resent not being able to get special deals at McDonald’s, too, without using the app. I resent the digital coupons I can only get by using my phone at the grocery store. I have no QR code reader on it so I resent the restaurants that want me to scan a QR code to get the menu.
I resent that convention apps have the most updated information and that they don’t always match the websites, such as this past weekend at Indiana Comic Convention when I learned on the app that a guest was only appearing two days instead of the three days he was advertised on the website.
But every app I install on my phone just takes up more storage space and affects the speed and operation.
Most of all, though, I miss ticket stubs. I used to collect the ticket stubs of movies I’d go see. Then Mr. Golden discovered he could buy them online and use his phone at the theater to get in.
No stubs.
Something special has been lost.
When I initially read this I thought, “well, it is the way of the modern world, right?” Then, I registered to purchase tickets to the Houston show of one of my favorite bands, The Warning. Check them out. They are something special. Well, as luck would have it, I logged on to their website, selected the tour tab, scrolled down to the Houston show (July 9, if want to attend), and it the purchase block. So far, so good. I selected the package I wanted and hit, “Check Out.”
Simple, right?
Au contraire, mon frere.
I was directed to the promoter’s website and asked to log into their page. I did. The page asked for my email and password. Cool. Do it all the time. Done. B
Somehow, my post got cut off. The madness continues:
The site told me I had 5 minutes to complete my transaction or I would lose my tickets and have to start all over again. Fine.
The site didn’t recognize my credentials even though I had preregistered a few days ago. So, I went to register. Again. The site didn’t recognize me so I put in the email and a new password. The password had to be 12 characters including one capitol* letter and one special character. Done. Enter. Rejected. Password doesn’t comply. How does “John**!**90125” not comply? Reentered. Rejected. Again. Think of another one: “Yes*!*90120*JVB.” Done. Rejected. Again. Try another. Rejected.
Meanwhile the time clock to accept my order showed 2:12 remaining. Ugh.
Try another. And another. All rejected. 1:38 remaining.
Then, at the bottom of the screen, I see a “check out as guest” prompt. Cool. Clicked on it. Entered my guest credentials, which oddly enough were the same as my registration credentials, and I was able to input my name, address, card information and billing information. Where is the “complete” or “accept” prompt?
58 seconds remaining. Aughghghghghghghhg!
Now, mind you, the ticket website has this cool black background with nice, friendly red and deep purple letters and boxes for stuff. On a laptop or desktop, it is lovely On a smartphone, while sitting in a courthouse parking lot in full sun, it is virtually impossible to discern anything of value on the screen.
Then, right there on the bottom right of the screen, there is an “accept terms of service” thing. I pressed ok, and lo and behold, I received a message: “Your Ticket Purchase is complete. We will email the tickets shortly.” Time remaining: 23 seconds. Whew.
Almost instantaneously, I received an alert from my email. I clicked on it, and there was my order confirmation with the etickets attached.
So, yeah, I have to agree that AI generated things and smartphone technologies are wonderful. Until they aren’t and you don’t have a way to talk to a person about your situation.
jvb
*Ed. Note: Not “capital” letters, incidentally, but who’s counting?
Jack, WordPress seems to have edited and killed off my entire comment but for some reason posted it 25 times on this post. I have no idea why. Perhaps, it is the same AI gremlins that hosed you yesterday in the parking garage.
jvb
Fixed. Incidentally, not 25…52. A record for repeat comments by a factor of more than ten. Historic!
Oh, and to add insult to injury, WordPress posted my initial, incomplete post something like 25 times before our esteemed moderator deleted all but one of them, which, I must confess did not have the benefit of rereading and/or editing, which makes me look like a doofus.
Grok and AI can bite me!
jvb
Within the first five seconds of my reading this post, a fool-proof idea came to me for a way “to create drive in drive out parking without the need for a ticket and validation.”
Just don’t charge for parking.
Simple. Fool-proof.
Problem solved.
–Dwayne
Smart cities and towns do exactly that to promote commerce. It works, too.