This week Buzzfeed, which has long been on my blacklist, trolled Reddit for a list of “The “Old Person” Things Their Parents Do That Drive Their Kids Absolutely Bonkers.
Some of the things on the list of 25 are indeed genuinely stupid and annoying, like #7 on the list, “My mom still writes checks at the grocery store and stands there balancing her checkbook while everyone else stares impatiently at her, #15, “They use plastic cutlery so they don’t have to wash the real silverware, but then they wash and reuse the plastic ones to be thrifty!”, or #17, “Driving 10+ under the speed limit.”
Others, however, are the result of a whippersnapper’s unjust criticism of a different choice that is defensible, ignorance, or just plain snottiness.
“They own cell phones yet insist on keeping their landlines.”
Reaction: Bite me. I maintain a landline for business. It’s still more comfortable for long substantive conversations, and I prefer to keep my cell phone access limited.
“Turning the volume on the TV all the way down instead of pressing mute.”
Reaction: Why in the world would anyone care about this enough to be annoyed by it?
“My mom ALWAYS puts her phone on speaker phone. Even in public, she uses the speaker phone.”
Reaction: That’s not an old person thing; I see people of all ages, especially women, doing this.
“My dad still prints out directions from MapQuest when he goes somewhere, even though he has an iPhone…”
Reaction: Ha. Once they have the experience of a GPS going nuts and getting then thoroughly lost, as has happened to me more than once, they might decide Dad was on to something.
“My dad will call me at 2 p.m. on a Wednesday and wonder why I don’t answer. ‘Dad, I’m at work.’ ‘Oh, didn’t realize that.'”
Reaction: If your parents call, pick up whether you’re at work or not, you disrespectful jerk!
“My mother-in-law texts me to call, then asks a question she could have texted. Makes me rage every time.”
Reaction: Those of us who didn’t start texting until they passed 30 often can’t pick up the admirable skill of texting at the rate of 90 words a minute. What’s the matter with, like, talking?
“While watching a movie, ‘What did he say?’ I tell them. ‘Well then, what did HE just say!’ I dunno Dad, I was too busy telling you what the other dude said…”
Reaction: Yeah, this is called “watching a movie together.”
“All styles of game consoles are Nintendos, according to my mom.”
Reaction: And all tissues are Kleenex. So what? I call them all “stupid game consoles.”
“Falling asleep in front of the TV.”
Reaction: Just wait a few years, dick-head.
Ethics Alarms 
Okay, I turn 45 this year, and that last item has been happening to me for years now. We started doing a family movie night on Friday nights, and we’ll be 20 minutes in, and I’m passed out in the chair.
As for watching a movie and asking, “What did he just say?” I feel a little better about going through multiples scenes in every movie where it seems like the actors are mumbling while chewing rocks right when some turned the volume down to 2.
For #20 on the list, “When you show them something on your phone, and instead of just looking, they grab your phone? I’ve never seen a young person do this before.” Never seen a young person do this? All I can say is, “Meet my children.” They cannot just look at the picture on the phone. They have to hold the phone. Each one. It starts fights over who gets to hold the phone when. Regarding grabbing the phone, I assume younger people assume that everyone has the same spectacular eyesight they do. Older people (starting to be me, now) might like to hold the phone because 1) that will help them hold it the appropriate distance away and 2) not have the phone image bouncing around with whatever palsy is affecting the person holding the phone.
Using speakerphone mode is how we old guys minimize the RF radiation exposure through our skulls, which helps minimize cognitive impairment.
and almost everytime I hold it to my ear, it turns off.
In which we parse a list into
(1) genuinely stupid and annoying = annoys me too, therefore must be stupid!
(2) unjust criticism of a different choice = hey, I do this myself, so anyone who is annoyed by it must be stupid!
In other words, there are stupid annoying activities and there are stupid annoyed people. Oh, an me, myself, and I, who are NEVER stupid.
The world can be so simple if you just parse it correctly!
Holly A – nailed it! For what it’s worth, I appreciate many of your comments.
Thanks Jlo!!
Oh good. Explain the comment to me then. Because to me, it just appears to be gratuitous trolling. For example, is Holly referencing the list, or my post? A rather crucial distinction.
Explanation of comment: The blog was purportedly about “confronting bias” (at least, that was in the title)
My comment is about recognizing bias. So I guess I was referencing the general theme of “composing lists of things that annoy me” which in this case was interestingly meta, as it is actually
“a list of things that annoy me in a list of things that annoy others”
Okay, the list!…. Just looked through it and the only one that resonates with me is #17 “Drives 10+ under the speed limit”
My mother no longer drives, but my partner’s parents do, and I definitely find it stressful to be in the car, especially on the Interstate, when all the semis are pulling out to pass us and generally gumming up the traffic flow.
His dad actually got pulled over for doing this in the “fast” lane. Got a warning instead of a ticket, but don’t know if he changed his behavior in response.
Better?
Ooh, and speaking of Meta:
Your response is (5) an expression of annoyance at (4) JLo’s expression of appreciation for (3) my expression of appreciation at the meta level annoyment structure of (2) your post about the many ways you are annoyed by the (1) list of things that annoy others.
So we have five levels here, 3 annoyance (2 yours, one the original list that inspired your post), and 2 appreciation (JLo and me).
And now I am commenting on this, which makes 6!
Quite the stack! Worthy of R.D. Laing
I talk to my mom every Thursday at 12pm without fail. Have been doing so since I came back to the USA. I work every thursday, I just take lunch while I talk to her. Haven’t these people heard “Cat’s in the Cradle?” That’s gonna be them someday.
“My dad will call me at 2 p.m. on a Wednesday and wonder why I don’t answer. ‘Dad, I’m at work.’ ‘Oh, didn’t realize that.'”
If your parents call, pick up whether you’re at work or not, you disrespectful jerk!
I’m sorry… But I feel this in my bones and I couldn’t disagree with you more. It’s like the exact moment people retire, despite having worked 40 years of their life and kept up a 9-5, they completely and utterly lose all sense of having a schedule and just assume that everyone else can float around without a care in the world too.
I mean, you have to answer the phone at work, because that’s just responsible, someone could be hurt. But failing something legitimately serious, assuming everyone in your life is on call for you 24/7 is entitled. Call them when you know they’re home, or leave a message. Seriously. How the actual fuck did ya’ll get on before phones?
I have lots of retired friends and relatives. They don’t call me on a whim. They call me when they need to talk about something. They are lonely, or something important happened. My parents were always there when I called them my whole life, and I made sure I was always there welcoming when they called me. I work intermittently all day and night, 7 days a week. But unless I’m under a life and death deadline, I’ll always take time to talk with someone. It’s the Golden Rule.
I think the golden rule has to go both ways, you can’t just use it as a sword.
I don’t know… Maybe this was just a my-parents thing, but if I had called them at work because I was lonely, they’d probably have skinned me alive when they got home. There are 24 hours in a work day, eight where I’m probably sleeping, eight where I’m probably busy, and eight where I’d like nothing better than for someone to call me. If a retired person, who is made up of nothing but time, can’t figure that out, that’s a them problem. Your kids don’t exist to entertain you when you’re bored.
I agreed with this one.
I have been in client meetings and, if my phone rings, I look to see who is calling and then set it down.
When it was my mom or dad, I announced that fact and said something to the effect of, “I can’t not answer that call” and nobody ever thought twice about it.
I am also of the same mind that any time they call, it could bad news.
-Jut
not necessarily. If I am at work, I’m working. I try not to take personal calls at work. Yes, I make exceptions but my family wouldn’t think to call me at work unless it was important. Likewise, I wouldn’t call my son at work just to talk. If semi-important I try to send a text so he knows I need to discuss something and he can get back to me when there is a lull.
I think the difference is your statement that you work ” intermittently “all day. It sounds like to a point you can choose your own hours.
That’s true now, but I’ve always treated calls from my parents (and spouse) that way.
I disagree and will try to keep it respectable. I’m 81 and retired decades ago and still know what time it is and what day it is and when it might be OK to call someone. And as mentioned elsewhere, it is usually for a reason. With my cohorts of similar age, it is nothing much more than a well being check. To characterize us as forgetting that other still have jobs and that we just float about without purpose is downright disrespectful.
Sorry, I thought I replied to this, but it nested as a new chain, my response to this is below and it starts with: “I think “reason” is carrying a whole lot of water there”.
I think “reason” is carrying a whole lot of water there. When I think of a reason where it would be acceptable to call someone at work, it’s usually time sensitive. And if that’s the case: Absolutely. By all means. That makes sense. But in my experience, and frankly, a lot of what’s been articulated here basically boils down to: “I thought of something, and I couldn’t possibly wait to call someone when it’s convenient for them”.
The original assertion was “My dad will call me at 2 p.m. on a Wednesday and wonder why I don’t answer.” Regardless of whether or not that accurately describes you, it’s a thing that happens. And when you said: “With my cohorts of similar age, it is nothing much more than a well being check.” You’ve drastically changed the dynamic. I hope that at 80 you’re all retired, but assuming that the people you calling aren’t, let’s be honest – Are you really calling someone at their work to check on their well being?
I think Jack nailed it: The people we’re talking about tend to be lonely and bored.
“They own cell phones yet insist on keeping their landlines.”
-So what? Does that hurt the complainer somehow?
“Turning the volume on the TV all the way down instead of pressing mute.”
-This sounds like a weird personal quirk. I’ve met exactly 0 people – young/old, male/female, etc – that actually use the mute button. Everyone just turns the volume down. The complainer is the weirdo here.
“My mom ALWAYS puts her phone on speaker phone. Even in public, she uses the speaker phone.”
-I actually experience more young people doing this than “old” people. And it’s flat out rude. Quit forcing us to endure your private conversation.
“My dad still prints out directions from MapQuest when he goes somewhere, even though he has an iPhone…”
-Nah, printing directions was good as they replaced old school maps. But a phone or Garmin is ethically the right choice. We don’t need people shuffling through papers at 70 miles per hour trying to make sure they’re heading to the right exit.
“My dad will call me at 2 p.m. on a Wednesday and wonder why I don’t answer. ‘Dad, I’m at work.’ ‘Oh, didn’t realize that.’”
-Yep. Answer the phone.
“My mother-in-law texts me to call, then asks a question she could have texted. Makes me rage every time.”
-Quit texting. The written word is about 10 trillion times more likely to misunderstood than a conversation because it lacks tone. Have a voice conversation. Not only is it easier to understand it actually makes you a better human because you’re actually connected and not treating someone’s communication as something you can toss aside or answer at your own leisure.
“While watching a movie, ‘What did he say?’ I tell them. ‘Well then, what did HE just say!’ I dunno Dad, I was too busy telling you what the other dude said…”
-Nah. Put on subtitles if you can’t understand it. This is partly on the actual producers of shows who jack up sound effects at the cost of dialogue. We often have to turn the TV down during action and up during conversation. It’s maddening. But talking during shows is disruptive and disrespectful, especially during the first viewing of something.
“All styles of game consoles are Nintendos, according to my mom.”
-Yep, who cares, you know what they mean.
“Falling asleep in front of the TV.”
-If I have had an especially brain-taxing day at work or did not get the best sleep the night before this is going to happen. Sorry young person, I too was once like you, but – and it will hit you right around age 40 – it’s a biologically impossible force to stop – you too will fall asleep on the couch if your body needs it. Show some respect and have some perspective.
I originally let these slide, because I was spiritually identifying with the person annoyed that their parents seem physically incapable of understanding concepts like time or boundaries. But I also wanted to circle back to these two:
“They own cell phones yet insist on keeping their landlines.”
Reaction: Bite me. I maintain a landline for business. It’s still more comfortable for long substantive conversations, and I prefer to keep my cell phone access limited.
I mean…. This isn’t the kind of thing that bothers me so much because it doesn’t really effect me, but it is kind of dumb. You’re literally paying for two phone lines. Even if you were absolutely addicted to the head-feel of the handset, you can pick up a VOIP dummy phone and clone your cell to it. And I’m not sure that anyone is genuinely concerned about cell phone use in a way they aren’t concerned about general internet use, or phone use, I mean…. If anyone really thought that phones emitted harmful radiation, why would the default storage place for them be about 6 inches from their balls?
“My mother-in-law texts me to call, then asks a question she could have texted. Makes me rage every time.”
Reaction: Those of us who didn’t start texting until they passed 30 often can’t pick up the admirable skill of texting at the rate of 90 words a minute. What’s the matter with, like, talking?
Nothing. But she didn’t just phone… She texted a question. Then when the texted question was answered, she phoned to… ask a question. She could have just texted the question, or she could have just called. Doing both is peak boomer activity, and I kind of find it funny. I think it’s indicative of a certain level of a lack of self-awareness.