I had a doctor’s appointment today. Taking the elevator from the 9th floor to the lobby, I encounter one you man riding in the elevator already, with his face buried in his phone. Two more riders got on at stops as we went down. All walked in already focused entirely on their phones, and their eyes didn’t move. I looked around for a friendly face, a smile, some hint of humanity. Nothing. I came this close to booming out, “Well, hello, everybody!” (I did that once.)
I regard this behavior as simply rude, and its slow but steady development into a social norm as ominous for society and the species. I was already pondering the problem earlier in the week after seeing another one of those Progressive ads about the coach who tries to stop young couples who have become home-owners from “turning into their parents.” It’s a funny series, but in this particular installment, most of the conduct from the young homeowner was simple friendliness to a stranger.
Indeed, my father was always prone to chat up strangers. Not my mother: if you weren’t Greek, a family member, or someone already known to her, you were presumptively an enemy agent or a disguised invader from outer space. In this realm, as with many others, I took Dad as a role model, and experience has taught me that it is the right approach to the world and society around us. For one thing, I have learned how a random act of attention and kindness can brighten an otherwise dreary day.
Ethics Alarms 
Tie in to the Odyssey everybody! It’s ξενία (Xenia) time!
Xenia never fully went away in western culture and can still be found in a variety of remnants. I recall my dad talking about how my grandparents would always offer food to wandering vagabonds (who, according to xenia, were already offering their good behavior) and occasionally would permit the modern nomad to ‘camp out’ on their back field if they needed a night of unharassed rest.
Xenia is all about strangers making sure they demonstrate that they mean no harm to each other (there’s a long process of indicating you plan to harm an enemy, etc, so much so that even opponents can appeal to xenia at times and host each other without expectation of violence).
Well, believe it or not, getting on an elevator and saying “hi” to someone, if that’s literally the only interaction you do is practicing Xenia and disarming any fears a stranger may have about you.
You are *obligated* to do this as a free person. That people wander around with their heads stuck in their phones are break two ethical requirements: letting others know they mean no harm and being alert of the fact that there may be people out there willing to commit harm – that is, you are ethically obligated to be situationally aware AND you are ethically obligated to take reasonable actions towards others around to make them more comfortable with your presence.
“What? We live in an safe and secure society! You must be a maniac or paranoid to think you can’t step onto an elevator completely oblivious to others! Or are you saying we don’t live in a safe society???”
“those Progressive ads about the coach who tries to stop young couples who have become home-owners from ‘turning into their parents.’ It’s a funny series,” (bolds/italics mine)
YB to weigh in in 5…4…3…….
“Social balms, which screen addictions are leaching away from us, are worth fighting for.”
FWIW, I’m an unapologetic chatter upper, perhaps because my TCL Flip 3 isn’t…um…set up for screen addiction.
PWS
See below, Paulie. Hah! A fairly restrained iteration.
“A fairly restrained iteration.”
Yet estimably consistent…
“Would that more kids would grow up to be like their parents instead of little Marxist revolutionaries.”
Couldn’t agree more!
PWS
I like to make eye contact with random strangers and smile and say ‘good morning’ or ‘good afternoon’. Its funny that a small percentage of people just pretend that I didn’t say anything, the rest usually respond and smile. Hopefully I make their day a little brighter.
On the flip side, I can be quite the asshole too. On an elevator when I attempt to make any sort of contact and no one acknowledges, I have been known to pass gas just before exiting.
Those same people will flip you off, honk the cha-cha, and scream obscenities (and worse if they could) if they think you cut them off driving out of the parking lot. But sure, even “the thin veneer of civilization” needs a polish from time to time.
I’m bald so I wear a hat. Skin cancer and all that. I’ve long noticed black people a.) make eye contact with strangers in public spaces (shopping malls in particular); and b.) like hats. I get a huge kick out of walking around in shopping centers (a rare occasion these days) and invariably exchanging greetings with and getting a “Nice hat!” from every black guy I encounter.
Here in our little town in Southern Arizona (ranching country), everyone waves when passing each other in cars or golf carts or walking. It’s quite striking and pleasant. A recent arrival from New Jersey asked, “What’s up with everyone waving? I don’t even know these people, and they wave at me.”
In the Southwest, people say please and thank you and stand patiently in line.
I hate those Progressive Insurance commercials with Dr. Rick. Would that more kids would grow up to be like their parents instead of little Marxist revolutionaries.
A couple things I have noticed. Driving around my neighborhood, I will fairly often pass a pedestrian who will look up and either wave or smile at me. Of course, I’ll wave back. It’s a nice interaction.
I walk with a cane outdoors, often with a rolling black box in tow that serves both to carry things and as a mobility aid (for minor slopes). Many times when I approach a door, someone will move to open the door for me to pass through. Often they will either go back to the door they just exited, or hold the door for me before exiting themself.
I never expect this treatment, and I always make sure to express my gratitude. It is the proverbial random act of kindness that helps make our society run better. Honestly, I am touched by how many young folks do this sort of thing.
We occasionally happened to catch an episode of the Roseanne show. I don’t remember the plot, but in one episode she had dressed like a man and was pretending to use one of the urinals in a public restroom. A guy came in to use the one beside her, and she started chatting him up. After getting no response, she quipped “Oh, it’s like an elevator, huh?”
Here’s a tangent inspired by Jacks elevator experience.
I consider laughter to be a very important part of life.
I routinely take advantage of this concept with a captive audience, especially in an elevator.
Yup, I’m one of those people that get’s on an elevator, stands in front of the door facing everyone else in the elevator, and starts talking to them making sure that I let them know that I’m breaking all the unspoken elevator etiquette rules by not facing the door in absolute silence, standing rigidly, and blankly staring at the floor numbers slowly changing from one to another.
I usually start off with an ice breaker, something like “since the elevator etiquette rules aren’t posted then we don’t have to follow them. Let the eye-to-eye contact, smiling, and casual conversation begin.” Then turn to someone, look them squarely in the eye and say something like, “I sure hope this one doesn’t get stuck”, give everyone an evil smirk and wait for a reaction. When there’s kids present, make sure to tell them that elevator etiquette rules are only for grownups, so be safe, be kind, talk to others, and enjoy life. Reactions are usually smiles and subdued laughter, after all we’re still in an elevator.
Speaking of laughter…
Many years ago I wrote a few short children’s stories and poems for a Children’s Museum fund raising event, here’s the core of one ballad that I put to music for the event.
When you perform something like that in front of about 300 preschool and grade school kids in a small thrust theater and start asking them questions about what they just heard, the answers can get rather humorous and laughter echoed throughout the theater.
Again, I consider laughter to be a very important part of life. Try to include things in your lives that makes you laugh out loud.
“Try to include things in your lives that makes you laugh out loud.”
Finding out that FeelTheBern ain’t buyin’ what Francesca Hong’s SELLIN’ did just that!
PWS
I was once visiting New York City, in the winter, and a gust of wind blew the hat off of my head. Three or four people near me lunged to grab it, before it blew farther down the block. That’s when I formed a theory: “New Yorkers are kind and generous to anyone except a social scientist trying to evaluate how kind and generous they are. New Yorkers have a keen sense of when something isn’t quite right, but a young man chasing a hat down the sidewalk brought out the best in them.”
Like Young Bill we live in a neighborhood of wavers. Danny knows so many in our circle because he walks daily. When someone asks ‘how are you?’ they really mean it and will stop to chat. One older couple was saved because neighbors hadn’t seen them and did a ‘well check.’ She was sick and he had fallen …
Of course I’m a goner – I’m allergic to the sun so don’t go outside often. No one will know to check on me and the scorpions will probably be eating me when I’m finally found.
What? Too morbid?
And I always say good morning to fellow elevator travelers.