When I was in college, three of my closest friends hailed from Spokane, Washington. They complained bitterly about how unfriendly Bostonians were, an assertion to which I took great offense. My freshman room mate, from Midland, Michigan, was also annoyed at their complaints. “If I ever go to Spokane, everybody had better be smiling and saying hello to me as I walk down the street or I am going to know that you guys are full of shit,” he said in his inimitable blunt manner. Well, the next year I did visit my friends in Spokane. and you know, just about everyone DID smile at me and say hello.
Another time I was having a bad day doing business in New York City. As I still do on occasion, I was wearing my wonderfully flamboyant John Barrymore fur-felt fedora that my late wife bought me as a birthday present from Peterman. Tired, glum and mad at the world, I suddenly found myself face-to-face with a smiling New Yorker. “Hey buddy,” he exclaimed in an accent right out of Damon Runyan. “I like your chapeau!” It’s a memory I cherish still.
True, strangers can also make you feel worse. A former girlfriend told the story of how one day she was walking along in downtown Chicago, wearing what she thought was a cute new hat and convinced that she looked sprightly and attractive, when she passed a male stranger who stopped, looked her over, and said, “Yecchh!”
Of course, that was unethical. Funny, but unethical….
As I left my doctor’s building and walked to my car, I crossed paths with an elderly African American woman wearing an ostentatious heliotrope hat. With social interaction on my mind, I called out to her, “What a beautiful hat!” (It was a ridiculous hat, but that was beside the point.) Her whole face lit up. “Why thank you, sir!” she said, and we chatted briefly. I’m glad I did it.
Social balms, which screen addictions are leaching away from us, are worth fighting for.
Ethics Alarms 
Tie in to the Odyssey everybody! It’s ξενία (Xenia) time!
Xenia never fully went away in western culture and can still be found in a variety of remnants. I recall my dad talking about how my grandparents would always offer food to wandering vagabonds (who, according to xenia, were already offering their good behavior) and occasionally would permit the modern nomad to ‘camp out’ on their back field if they needed a night of unharassed rest.
Xenia is all about strangers making sure they demonstrate that they mean no harm to each other (there’s a long process of indicating you plan to harm an enemy, etc, so much so that even opponents can appeal to xenia at times and host each other without expectation of violence).
Well, believe it or not, getting on an elevator and saying “hi” to someone, if that’s literally the only interaction you do is practicing Xenia and disarming any fears a stranger may have about you.
You are *obligated* to do this as a free person. That people wander around with their heads stuck in their phones are break two ethical requirements: letting others know they mean no harm and being alert of the fact that there may be people out there willing to commit harm – that is, you are ethically obligated to be situationally aware AND you are ethically obligated to take reasonable actions towards others around to make them more comfortable with your presence.
“What? We live in an safe and secure society! You must be a maniac or paranoid to think you can’t step onto an elevator completely oblivious to others! Or are you saying we don’t live in a safe society???”
“those Progressive ads about the coach who tries to stop young couples who have become home-owners from ‘turning into their parents.’ It’s a funny series,” (bolds/italics mine)
YB to weigh in in 5…4…3…….
“Social balms, which screen addictions are leaching away from us, are worth fighting for.”
FWIW, I’m an unapologetic chatter upper, perhaps because my TCL Flip 3 isn’t…um…set up for screen addiction.
PWS
See below, Paulie. Hah! A fairly restrained iteration.
I like to make eye contact with random strangers and smile and say ‘good morning’ or ‘good afternoon’. Its funny that a small percentage of people just pretend that I didn’t say anything, the rest usually respond and smile. Hopefully I make their day a little brighter.
On the flip side, I can be quite the asshole too. On an elevator when I attempt to make any sort of contact and no one acknowledges, I have been known to pass gas just before exiting.
Those same people will flip you off, honk the cha-cha, and scream obscenities (and worse if they could) if they think you cut them off driving out of the parking lot. But sure, even “the thin veneer of civilization” needs a polish from time to time.
I’m bald so I wear a hat. Skin cancer and all that. I’ve long noticed black people a.) make eye contact with strangers in public spaces (shopping malls in particular); and b.) like hats. I get a huge kick out of walking around in shopping centers (a rare occasion these days) and invariably exchanging greetings with and getting a “Nice hat!” from every black guy I encounter.
Here in our little town in Southern Arizona (ranching country), everyone waves when passing each other in cars or golf carts or walking. It’s quite striking and pleasant. A recent arrival from New Jersey asked, “What’s up with everyone waving? I don’t even know these people, and they wave at me.”
In the Southwest, people say please and thank you and stand patiently in line.
I hate those Progressive Insurance commercials with Dr. Rick. Would that more kids would grow up to be like their parents instead of little Marxist revolutionaries.
A couple things I have noticed. Driving around my neighborhood, I will fairly often pass a pedestrian who will look up and either wave or smile at me. Of course, I’ll wave back. It’s a nice interaction.
I walk with a cane outdoors, often with a rolling black box in tow that serves both to carry things and as a mobility aid (for minor slopes). Many times when I approach a door, someone will move to open the door for me to pass through. Often they will either go back to the door they just exited, or hold the door for me before exiting themself.
I never expect this treatment, and I always make sure to express my gratitude. It is the proverbial random act of kindness that helps make our society run better. Honestly, I am touched by how many young folks do this sort of thing.