Comment Of The Day: “The Attack Of The Unethical Women”

Here is William Gauci’s Comment Of The Day, his first, on the post, The Attack Of The Unethical Women: 

“Still Spartan” on September 20, 2018 at 9:26 am: quoting you: “Imagine someone you may have harmed.”

“Exactly, imagine someone YOU may have harmed. The onus is on YOU to apologize — not on her to come forward and make you apologize. And even if you think you did nothing wrong, hey just an indiscretion, she wasn’t into it — if a girl runs away you, jumps out of the car, starts crying, etc. then every single alarm bell in YOUR head should go off that maybe you did something wrong and that you need to make amends. Or, even if you think you did nothing wrong, it’s probably safe to check with her because that is what a decent human being does. And if you don’t do that out of fear that you might go to jail, get suspended, or heck — mommy and daddy might ground you for underage drinking or trying to have sex with a younger girl, then no sympathy.”

In a perfect and enlightened world where everyone is self aware and able to view the world through many different lenses, I could agree. But in reality, I don’t think you’ll frequently see this scenario happening in practice, especially with younger people who tend to not be as able to see the long term consequences of their actions.

Also we have the issue of perception. The recent fictional series “13 Reasons Why” was a good example of this. The underlying premise I got from watching it, was how very different each person can perceive and be effected by a single or series of events. For the now grown Professor Ford in this scenario, it may well have been a traumatic and life affecting episode. For the young man who could very well be a self centered, egotistical jackass at the time, just another night out partying and trying to have some fun. No more memorable than that. So both of these people may very well be telling their perception of the truth, and how very different they remember or don’t remember the very same event.

To me at least, I think it’s not very realistic to believe everyone should seek out and try to make amends of every possible perceived offense that another might take. I can think of a few episodes from over 30 years ago. I still cringe when I replay an encounter where I mistakenly got my wires crossed and made a fool of myself with a young lady. Probably one of the most embarrassing things I can remember, and it affected me all this time. To her if you searched her out and asked her about it now, I wouldn’t be surprised if she had no idea who I was or that I had been such a fool.

One last thing. There has been a lot said recently about memory and how well we should believe in it. I’ve done a lot of layman research on the brain and how it works. There has been a lot of research on long term memory. The one thing that I’ve learned that really stuck out at me, is that all memories stored in our brains are in fact not locked in a safe. The very act of remembering a memory and playing it back in your mind does in fact change that memory in very subtle ways and in fact can and does evolve over time. I see it all the time when I’m gathered with family and invariably an old story comes up that I may have done or been involved with. Usually one that may have been told numerous times. It never ceases to amaze me that the story they tell of what happened isn’t the memory I have of the same events. The end result is that we both have our own version of the very same event. But at this point, it’s almost impossible to tell who is telling the truth.

 

21 Comments

Filed under U.S. Society

21 responses to “Comment Of The Day: “The Attack Of The Unethical Women”

  1. People can get offended at the weirdest things, and living a life of perpetual hesitancy ot say or do anything for fear of offending is also bad, giving all social status and power to the easily offended. Recently, I was in a chat, and accidentally offended someone about a ‘trigger’ topic. But a prompt and earnest apology, followed by a change in topic was not enough. They would not speak on any topic and would not (or likely could not) explain what they wanted more than an apology. They didn’t outright demand I delete my fictional stories and throw myself on my sword, but I came to believe since then that was what they wanted because I offended them.

    Online is a breeding ground for both oversensitive outrage and trolling. On reflection, I’ve only been caught up in three or four donnybrooks online in the last twenty-five years. Not to bad, I guess. And I think the only way to have less is to not participate. After the first back in IRC days, I started archiving the messes. I haven’t trusted human memories for absolute accuracy for decades. That was clear after Psych and a Criminology classes in the 80s. I can’t believe these lawyers didn’t have the same classes as a hick college. And how many of these celebs and politicians had those lessons, even if they did not take, or likely were dismissed? My cynical side says they did, why they excuse their favored sons, but will not grant the same mercy to others.

  2. JutGory

    Not to defend Still Spartan and not to side with William Gauci, there were two people I felt I owed genuine apologies to. There was a third one that does not quite fit in here, though.

    I did not have to search my memory. I knew it. In one case, I knew it immediately. We were two strong figures in our group of friends and, approaching our teens, we were growing apart. We butt heads, and I knew that I wronged him. It was apparent to everyone and I even admitted it. But I never apologized. I still haven’t, decades later. I have looked for him in ways that have only been easily available in the last decade or so; I have looked for his siblings; I have no idea where he is. I still check from time to time.

    Then, there was the girl I had a crush on from the moment I met her in second grade. Being shy, I could not talk to her; I could talk to anyone but her. I was completely unable to understand my feelings, much less express them, and, while I probably did not express them to her for several years, the delay did nothing to help.

    I probably did not see her after I turned 13. But, at the wise old age of 21, I sent her a letter, apologizing for the harm I believed I might have done to her. She contacted me, accepted my apology and, in her wisdom, said that she was not harmed by our “encounters” (for lack of a better word, because that is not a word that accurately conveys our interactions), and actually “fondly” (my recollection of the tone of her response) remembered those times as simpler and more innocent. And, hey, we’re friends on Facebook now, so, whaddya know?

    At the very least, I should be good to go with the Supremes if Trump comes a’callin’.

    -Jut

  3. PennAgain

    “Thirteen Reasons Why”: a classmate discovers audio tapes left by a girl who committed suicide a few weeks before, a recorded diary detailing the thirteen reasons why she decided to end her life. The “why”‘s, to one extent or another and in diverse ways, implicating twelve different people. Netflix series, developed from a book very well-received and labeled from interesting to “life-saving” by teens and their counselors, “disturbing” and “dangerous” by parents.

    • I’m reading a nice pastiche that seems to be covering the essence of that story with a different set of characters. As most things I saw when in that target demographic were too lame to be relevant or helpful, I think the teens and counselors have the right of it. Silence or Pollyanna don’t answer those conflicts, and parents are often afraid to think about it. Objectively, the delivery of guilt and blame does not help those thirteen deal with the events, but getting teens to reach out is the bigger lesson of the story.

  4. …if a girl runs away you, jumps out of the car, starts crying, etc. then every single alarm bell in YOUR head should go off that maybe you did something wrong and that you need to make amends.

    Aside from the fact that sexual assault is a real thing and that it does happen — every woman that I know has some story or other of some kind of sexual impropriety, mostly of the minor and forgivable sort, but numerous of ones that cross the line — my view is that sensible rules for sexual conduct, and indeed sexual ethics in general, especially in *your* generation (the post-Sixties) is in shambles.

    You have to fast-forward from *all that* to the present: You have become and you are now an openly pornographic culture. Repeat that 10 times please. A nation of active sexual perverts suffering under sexual obsession. This all has causal roots. The causal roots need to be seen and understood.

    Let us suppose that Spartan was a young woman in the time or near the time that this Kavanaugh episode was said to occur. I was not there of course but I have tried to investigate the time by looking at the *cultural artifacts* and, Good Lord, it was entirely messed-up. A time of mixed signals in the classic sense. A time when advertising was beginning to strip girls (and boys!) down to the pornographic elements and sending the imagery out into the subconscious to do its work. A time of loose parties with no supervision, with drinking and drugs, and then of course — this would be the emblem of the age — the MTV and video world that is best epitomized by Madonna: the American Slut-in-Chief. This is the *training* you gave to your girls and young women. Part of their *liberation* you said. And you believed it.

    And you are telling me that in that climate, with all of those mixed signals, with all the cultural confusion, that women themselves were not involved in creating the dangerous and strange circumstances into which they voluntarily went? and voluntarily participated? I read 80% of Katie Roiphe’s The Morning After: Fear, Sex and Feminism.

    The Morning After offers a scathing critique of current sexual politics. Roiphe’s provocative conclusion: the “rape crisis movement” sweeping college campuses is a fraud. Roiphe scoffs at the claim that one in four college women have been raped and she ridicules young feminists for wallowing in their own “victimization.” A Princeton graduate student, Roiphe rails against “Take Back the Night” speak-outs where young women stand before a microphone and tell stories of rape and abuse to an audience of hundreds. Roiphe recalls feeling “perplexed” and “annoyed” watching her peers share the painful, intimate details of their lives.

    Spartan is, I think, revealing an inner and psychological confusion. The note is that of anger and resentment of what a man, or men, did at one time. But where was she in all that? Right there, participating. Because that was the zeitgeist of that time. That is what you did. It was a time of the beginning of the fruition of perversion. This is what you wanted, it is what you advocated for, and it is what you got.

    My theory is that, in their heart of hearts, women do not want any of this. No woman wants any part of it. One has to look at the sponsors of the social and cultural perversions and peer into their souls to see what they were (are) doing and what they hope to gain from it. This will seem a contradiction because on one hand I am referring to a woman’s complicity in her own objectification (Madonna), and then on the other saying that woman does not desire such. But that is the real area that needs to be looked into. That is, if you have any living will left to correct the perversions and set things to right.

    Who are the sponsors of the descending sexual ethics? and who set these things in motion and who benefits (cui bono) from them? Now that is a complex question. But turn back the gaze to the 1980s and one can, relatively easily, locate them. But harder it is to locate *motive*.

    I would modify this statement: “…if a girl runs away you, jumps out of the car, starts crying, etc. then every single alarm bell in YOUR head should go off that maybe you did something wrong and that you need to make amends”.

    When you begin to pervert your women because of your unrestrained and irresponsible desire, and when you set to work to remold women into what is essentially the model of an available whore, you perform on her the cruelest and most disrespectful action against your own self, your own sister daughter mother and partner. If you live in a society in which all of this is permitted and *legal* you live, in fact, in a sick culture and you participate in sickness.

    When you do this, it is true, *alarm bells* begin to ring. And what are they? Those alarm bells are the dozens and hundreds of tell-tale signs of social rupture and unwellness that begins to manifest itself. They pop up here, and then over there. The status and role of your women is really the primary barometer. If your women are sick, you will live in a sick future. If you destroy the sacredness of your women and their special role in civilization, one developed over 1000-1500 years of hard cultural work — and this can be done in ONE GENERATION — you will indeed ‘reap the whirlwind’. The ‘alarm bells’ changed into wailing sirens and the shattering tones now infect, hysterically, the culture-at-large.

    And yes! you should realize “that maybe you did something wrong and that you need to make amends”. That is, that you will need to restore what you have allowed to become destroyed and perverted. Making amends means to pay a penalty. But this will amount to so much more. If you desire for civilization to continue you will need to arrest and reverse this destructive trend and a dozen others. But you can’t even see what needs to be done! You are lost, ‘dazed & confused’, and you wander in a devastated cultural landscape, unable to come to any substantial decision. (Just watch the shifting patterns as they play out on the TeeVee….)

    So, Spartan’s sentiments are woman’s sentiments yet she does not *see* their larger context. The outcry is that of the offended woman really. The outraged woman (ultraje in Spanish: “Hecho o insulto que ofende a una persona por atentar contra su dignidad, su honor, su credibilidad, etc., especialmente cuando se hace en público y con cierta violencia”). These are not intellectual ideas though, they are profound sentiments that rise out of the (feminine) body. I suggest that one pay attention to what is manifesting in the present as arising out of the social body and, to a significant degree, out of the feminine body. You don’t care to listen but I care enough to keep trying to get the message through …

  5. Other Bill

    Call me confused. Wasn’t it a few years ago that we were being lectured on the wonderfulness of hook-up culture? Young people merrily having sex with anyone and everyone without a hint of demeaning guilt? “Sex in the City” was a big hit. So was “Friends.” What ever happened to the obviously preposterous concept of “friends with benefits?” You were supposed to be able to be on a social footing with people but also be intimate with them without the bother of becoming involved emotionally. Magic!

    Evidently it turns out that was not the case? The world is actually full of bounders and cads sending women to their sewing rooms and their fainting couches in search of their smelling salts? What happened to “I am woman, hear me roar?” The only thing women are roaring about these days is …”MEN!!!!”

    • “The world is actually full of bounders and cads”

      Reminds me of a New Yorker cartoon from long ago with one woman telling another about her beau:

      He IS a cad, but so’s his convertible.

      • wfearnow

        A high school dance coversation: He: “I see your point but I think you’re prejudiced.” She: “Oh no. Not at all. I’m Catholic!”

        • You get me started and soon enough luckyesteeyoreman (whom I sense is near, and from the looks of it, stayed at a Holiday Inn Express last night) will show up.

          When that happens, all HAIL will break loose.

          And when all HAIL breaks loose…welp…we’ll WISH the terrorists had won..

          • Turns out, I WAS near. Just preoccupied with “graffiti.” Turns out I did NOT stay at a Holiday Inn Express last night. But I did save a bundle on my life insurance with Tapatίo brand hot sauce. I put that $h!+ on everything.

            Terrorists seem not to like one of my favorite songs:
            “All HAIL The Power Of Jesus’ Name”
            They especially don’t like that second line, where angels’ prostates fall…

  6. dragin_dragon

    I have to say that I quit caring who I offend a while back. I can give you the date and time, if you want. On the other hand, I am quite unlikely to sexually offend at this late date. But you never know…I could be another Bill Cosby.

  7. luckyesteeyoreman

    Second try to post (STTP, or, “T2TP”)…

    High school. Gad. Hormones and awkwardness. Insecurities and uninhibitedness. Every joy a catharsis, every sorrow a crisis. Living down one reputation (the truth) while living up another (the lie)…then another…and still another…chronically dissatisfied and frustrated with all of them. Girls and boys. Young women and young men. Ever unsure which you were, or preferred to be, from one day to the next. Growing awareness of a world and time bigger than ourselves yet still smaller than our imaginations and delusions. All the while, denying the realities, and indulging all-me-and-only-me, all-the-time-and-the-only-time-is-NOW. Partying like KISS. Studying like monks (God only knows why – I mean, back then, even “hot for teacher” was no excuse).

    What a prelude to the hells of “adulting!”
    Well, at least in that freshman or sophomore year…

    Even military school didn’t (couldn’t) discipline high school out of me; it only succeeded in training me how to sublimate the boy and fabricate the man. So, it took a girl – a woman – to inspire the boy to die to himself, and to replace fake man with man. Some time after all the “training” was done, along with the nastiest of the “warring.”

    I was trying to find the scene in “American Graffiti” where Ron and Cindy (I only remember the actors’ names) were parked, doing the make-out thing. She pulled back, pulled away, annoying him, and they snipped a few barbs at each other. Finally he says to her: “You want it, and you know it!” I will remember that movie moment forever: My date and I – we were still a “boy and girl,” but both very near that official crossover into adulthood – simultaneously responded to that line with a loud burst of laughter, followed by looking at each other, grinning, raising our eyebrows, and turning our faces back to the picture show with more muffled belly-laughter. That made our date. But no, it didn’t make our date a Rod Stewart “Tonight’s the Night” ending.

    So, sorry for the anticlimax of all this. This clip from the movie will have to do:

    So, yeah, great COTD. Congratulations.
    Lots of mean, sublimated girls are out there.
    They live, work, abort, raise families, vote, riot, and ruin men’s lives among us.
    When we let them.

  8. William Gauci

    Thank you Jack for the honour. I’ve been reading your site daily for a long time now. Keep up the great work. I come here for the clear and honest perspective. Thank you again.

  9. Michael R.

    From what I have read, Ford was unaware of the attack until about 6 years ago. She didn’t know about the attack until the memory was recovered using hypnosis. Since Kavanaugh probably has had no interactions with her for years, he would be completely unaware how she felt. Since she didn’t share this with anyone (except her therapist), no third party could let him know either. In any case, the idea that you have to be responsible for your actions in fabricated memories is outrageous and frightening. It is almost like the joke of the guy whose wife wakes up and starts hitting him for how he treated her in her dream.

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