“Still Spartan” on September 20, 2018 at 9:26 am: quoting you: “Imagine someone you may have harmed.”
“Exactly, imagine someone YOU may have harmed. The onus is on YOU to apologize — not on her to come forward and make you apologize. And even if you think you did nothing wrong, hey just an indiscretion, she wasn’t into it — if a girl runs away you, jumps out of the car, starts crying, etc. then every single alarm bell in YOUR head should go off that maybe you did something wrong and that you need to make amends. Or, even if you think you did nothing wrong, it’s probably safe to check with her because that is what a decent human being does. And if you don’t do that out of fear that you might go to jail, get suspended, or heck — mommy and daddy might ground you for underage drinking or trying to have sex with a younger girl, then no sympathy.”
In a perfect and enlightened world where everyone is self aware and able to view the world through many different lenses, I could agree. But in reality, I don’t think you’ll frequently see this scenario happening in practice, especially with younger people who tend to not be as able to see the long term consequences of their actions.
Also we have the issue of perception. The recent fictional series “13 Reasons Why” was a good example of this. The underlying premise I got from watching it, was how very different each person can perceive and be effected by a single or series of events. For the now grown Professor Ford in this scenario, it may well have been a traumatic and life affecting episode. For the young man who could very well be a self centered, egotistical jackass at the time, just another night out partying and trying to have some fun. No more memorable than that. So both of these people may very well be telling their perception of the truth, and how very different they remember or don’t remember the very same event.
To me at least, I think it’s not very realistic to believe everyone should seek out and try to make amends of every possible perceived offense that another might take. I can think of a few episodes from over 30 years ago. I still cringe when I replay an encounter where I mistakenly got my wires crossed and made a fool of myself with a young lady. Probably one of the most embarrassing things I can remember, and it affected me all this time. To her if you searched her out and asked her about it now, I wouldn’t be surprised if she had no idea who I was or that I had been such a fool.
One last thing. There has been a lot said recently about memory and how well we should believe in it. I’ve done a lot of layman research on the brain and how it works. There has been a lot of research on long term memory. The one thing that I’ve learned that really stuck out at me, is that all memories stored in our brains are in fact not locked in a safe. The very act of remembering a memory and playing it back in your mind does in fact change that memory in very subtle ways and in fact can and does evolve over time. I see it all the time when I’m gathered with family and invariably an old story comes up that I may have done or been involved with. Usually one that may have been told numerous times. It never ceases to amaze me that the story they tell of what happened isn’t the memory I have of the same events. The end result is that we both have our own version of the very same event. But at this point, it’s almost impossible to tell who is telling the truth.