Yes, that’s a real wedding invitation that has “gone viral” on social media.
Your Ethics Alarms Ethics Quiz of the Day is…
Is this a fair, responsible and respectful way to handle this situation?
The reactions on twitter have broken down neatly into two categories.
Here is an example of what I will call Reaction A:
This is a no-brainer. Take my name off your list, don’t expect a wedding gift, don’t send me X-mas cards & lose my email address & cell phone #. Don’t call, don’t write, no need to keep in touch. Don’t want to see wedding pics or any future kid pics. I won’t follow you on Insta.
And here is Reaction B...
I am completely in favor of handling the guest list in this way. Group A will be close family and BFFs, those who “must” be invited. Groups B and C will be those who would be expected to be there if there weren’t capacity restrictions but aren’t in Group A. They’ll understand.
I must state up-front that I tend strongly to Reaction A, especially since my wife and I were once dis-invited from a wedding in the most insulting manner imaginable, and I’m still ticked off about it. We had even held a celebratory dinner for the couple. At least that snub was handled in a (very awkward) phone call and not like this.
If one has to unexpectedly reduce a wedding guest list, you had better follow through with a damn great party for the disinvitees. In fact, the couple that dinged us promised they would do exactly that…and we never heard from them again.
There is a third option, which I will call Reaction C. Treating the invitees like different grades of beef is offensive, and asking people to “check the wedding website” is presumptuous. Explain the problem, call up the dings, be appropriately apologetic, and make amends later. Reaction C holds that what the invitation intends isn’t so bad, it’s how the invitation communicates it.
Now the poll:
Now I’m annoyed about that wedding ding all over again, and am seriously considering unfriending the bride….