I quickly realized that Jeff was another bit of evidence of a conviction I have held for most of my life: adulthood is a myth. He was exactly as I remembered him from high school, though back then “neurodivergent” was not a thing. Jeff was and is brilliant; he has had a distinguished and lucrative career as a researcher, surgeon and medical school professor. To say that he lacks social skills is a wild understatement: I remembered why it was that I and most of my “gang” back in Arlington, Mass. weren’t very nice to him, regarding Jeff as persistent annoyance whom we ditched many times. For example, when they arrived on the 4th, I abandoned some plans and took them to a nice local restaurant. Jeff is very wealthy, while I am two crises from living in a cardboard box, but he took the bill and meticulously checked off what his family had eaten, and I paid for my own meal.
Jeff and I also had a long talk of several hours in his trailer to reminisce. He was stunned, as most of my friends are, that I recall minute details of episodes going back to the sixth grade, when Jeff and I were both placed in an experimental program for “academically talented” 11-year-olds. I could also name of the other members of the 26 member class. Jeff explained that this was because of my unique nimbic system, the way I process information, and the fact that I have lived in the same place since 1980. Oh.
I took the family downtown on Monday, returned to work, then picked them up in time for them to ready their trailer for their departure to the next stop (on Jeff’s list of 82). We shook hands, the little boy hugged me around the waist, and said good-bye. I will be shocked if I ever hear from him again.
Everyone whom I have told about this has said I was nuts. My sister said, “I find it amazing that someone who is as tough on people as you tend to be has these episodes of extreme generosity and kindness to virtual strangers, or, as in this case, someone you don’t even like.”
To me, there was never any question whether I would do my best to make sure Jeff and his family had a good time. It’s a pure Golden Rule call. With the benefit of many years, I also realized that my old classmate couldn’t help the way he was, something I didn’t understand when we were kids. I doubt that he has many close friends: Jeff told me he has lived in 28 different cities, all over the world. He may well think of me as one of his best friends, and I’m sure he left feeling appreciated and cared about.
It was worth three days of my attentions to make Jeff feel that way. To me, it was just an interruption; to his family, it may have been more than that.
Would I have behaved the same way if I wasn’t thinking about ethics all the time? I hope so, but my ethics alarms were ringing loudly throughout the whole experience. It was, quite simply, the right thing to do.
Ethics Alarms 
Fantastic and inspirational, Jack. Thank you for sharing! I wish I could be this outgoing and generous. My biggest extension of self this past month was remembering to wish Happy Birthday to an old friend via text.
I chuckled at your sister’s comment.
Yeah, I thought that was pretty funny as well.
Sisters…what do they know?!?
Mrs. OB says much the same of most of my high school buddies. She thinks I’m a sucker. And she’s probably right. She is about most things.
That’s a beautiful, generous, and selfless thing you did. In the same situation, I would have been tempted to – probably more than tempted, I simply would have – come up with any number of reasons to say “I’m not available,” and all of them would have been lies, and therefore unethical.
You may never see or hear from “Jeff” again, but neither will you ever forget the 250th July 4th this nation celebrated.
Jeff and his family will not forget it, either. And I’m guessing you made a terrific impression on a little four-year-old.
Good on you!!
It’s funny how time alters our attitudes and behaviors towards people we knew long ago. Ten years ago, I bumped into a high-school classmate at a youth baseball game that I hadn’t seen in three decades. We played in high-school band together (and also baseball), and I seem to recall how frustrated I would be with him in band for not paying attention to the conductor and just kind of screwing around. He eventually quit music and I don’t recall being sorry to see him go.
But thirty years later, none of that mattered. Here was a guy – and I’ll call him “Bryan” – that I sat with every day and then hadn’t seen in forever, and all of the baggage from those days was nowhere to be found. And for that summer, we reconnected each week watching the boys play baseball. We laughed, shared old memories…it was great. I have lost contact with him again, but I don’t think my experience is unique.
People from our youths with whom we had problems have now matured (maybe “Jeff” was a bit of an exception) as much as we have and all those petty squabbles and hard feelings don’t have to matter any longer.
Anyways, thanks for sharing your experience…and thanks for your willingness to say “yes” when it mattered.
I see a buddy movie script being pitched in the near future.
Oh God no.
It’ll be great! And we can get Paul Giamatti to play you! He’ll be perfect. He’ll want the role.
Jack,
I applaud your adherence to the Golden Rule and it really doesn’t matter one bit if they remember it fondly or not, but I’m guessing they will remember it fondly. Your effort to do the right thing is admirable.
Steve
Why did she dress the boy like a girl?! Like, in dresses or just sort of girl-like?
I can’t find a source right now, but my understanding is it’s to protect the child from evil spirits by confusing the spirits when they’re looking for the firstborn male, or something like that. It’s a supersti–sorry, I mean, it’s a way of living in accordance with metaphysical forces.
I am intrigued by an 85-foot mobile home. That’s a bigass vehicle.
jvb
Jack even said 86 feet in the post. I don’t know maybe it’s a typo or his friend estimated the length incorrectly because a semi has a 53 foot trailer and about 75 feet overall. I read that non-commercial vehicles are limited to 65 feet in most states; that includes the RV length and any towed vehicle. I think you’d need a special permit for an 86 foot trailer or whatever they have.
“That’s a bigass vehicle.”
I tendered salmon on a 86’/~26 meter Halibut Schooner; THAT was a big @$$ boat!
PWS
I’ve had people like that in my life (I still do). Those who know me cannot understand it either. You’re a conservative Christian, and you are good friends with a guy like that?
Sometimes, you just connect in a weird way with someone, even if you don’t particularly like them, there is some kind of charming innocence to them. To put it in scientific terms, it’s vibes man!
There’s probably a Jeff in many of our lives, and in other lives, maybe some of us are Jeff.
Jeeez. Because of your unique limbic system, you’re going to remember every stupid comment I made on your blog, every bad joke that didn’t land, every poorly conceived opinion, every underbaked witticism…. Regarding whether or not it was the right thing to do, that’s more of a personal decision than a universal code of ethics, which you seem to be suggesting. “I’m busy that weekend, but I wish you and your family a really great time on your road trip” would have been just as ethical. Personally, when the kid hugged me goodbye, I would have stolen his pocket watch.
Before finishing page 2, having heard your personal testimony of unparalleled hospitality, I have to ask if I can park my mini-van outside your house and sleep in it overnight(and my family of 7) while I am in town for a tour of the Lincoln Memorial reflection pool. What time(we’re flexible) is your continental breakfast served?
Wonderful. An ethics lesson for us all, and one I hope I remember.
Oh, as an aside, I believe you meant “limbic system” above.