The short description of a fick would be “public asshole, and proud of it.” That’s a fair description of the indecent Craig Mazin, a Hollywood writer and producer who has decided to ostentatiously violate the Kantian, Golden Rule, common sense-based ethics of being a college roommate to embarrass Senator Ted Cruz as he runs for President.
I write about a lot of awful people, and often have to explain what’s awful about them. If you don’t immediately see what’s awful about what Mazin is doing, I’m not sure there is much hope for you. There is no hope for him.
Mazin roomed with Cruz during their freshman years at Princeton University, from 1988-1989. Cruz was 18 at the time. This week, apparently spurred by Twitter followers, Mazin began spewing contempt and insults about Cruz, using his “inside” experiences as material and justification. This, of course, attracted media attention, magnifying the harm to Cruz, although anyone who thinks that conduct by an 18-year-old is a fair or meaningful way to attack the 46-year-old U.S. Senator he grows into is a per se dim wit. The reporters doing this don’t think that, of course. Most of them, probably all of them, also know that telling tales out of school about roommates is spectacularly unethical, and that if their roo mates did that to them, they would feel betrayed. No, journalists are, and will continue, giving Mazin’s hate-fest more attention than it deserves–Fair headline: Liberal Hollywood Writer Responsible For The Two “The Hangover” Sequels (that is to say, the unfunny installments of the franchise) Hates Ted Cruz—because they hate Ted Cruz.
Yup. Mazin figured out how to capitalize on his old roomie’s success and get 15 minutes of cheap fame, all right. What an asshole. What a shameless, vile, vicious, unprincipled, mean-spirited, jealous jerk. College roommates are thrown together, often in complete disregard for their compatibility (my college had a policy of pairing pair un-likes—maybe it still does). Unless it is a monastery college, and probably even then, both roommates will misbehave, reveal their juvenile flaws, and engage in conduct that will mortify then for the rest of their lives even if it is only memorialized in their own skulls.
You don’t relate this privileged information to others with an intent to humiliate; you definitely don’t do it four decades later, when your roommate (though in this case, not his room mate) has grown up. I guarantee Ted Cruz isn’t going to retaliate against this fick by telling the world about his behavior, and it is reasonable to assume that anyone who wrote “The Hangover III” engaged in conduct that will freeze a more civilized soul’s face in a rictus of horror just to hear about it. Why? It’s not because Ted Cruz is a noble sort, but because he is not the lowest wretch that ever crawled out of the primordial ooze…you know, like Mazin. Who uses college experiences to harm the reputation of a former roommate? This creep, and other horrible people. And he thinks it’s hilarious and cool!
Fick. Uber -fick. Fick for the Ages.
I don’t think “What happens in college stays in college” is even an unwritten rule, because it is so obvious it never had to be a rule. You trust your roommate; you have to—you have no choice. Most people, even the worst of them, understand that intuitively with whatever crumbs of ethical comprehension they may have at 18. Using private experiences to harm a college room mate is even worse than revealing embarrassing conduct by a lover. If your defense of Mazin is “Well, but Ted Cruz deserves it,” go get an ethics audit quick. You are in trouble. Your values ran out of your ear while you were sleeping.
I had seven college room mates at various times. All saw me at my worst, and I saw them at their worst…I hope. One of them planted shit in my bed. (Oh, yes, don’t deny it. I know it was you!) I would no more make our mutual missteps on the way to maturity and adulthood public than I would castrate myself in Lafayette Square. Who does this? Who is so beyond redemption and willfully defiant of basic principles of human interaction that they would think doing this is justifiable, even if their roommate urinated on the walls, left a drunk date in a shopping cart, or put shit in his bed?
I’m not defending Ted Cruz. There is plenty to criticize Ted Cruz about based on what he has done and said recently, like, say, in the last 25 years. I’m defending ancient, obvious, important human ethics that roommates have respected and understood for centuries. Craig Mazin has been telling everyone that Ted Cruz was an asshole in 1988.
Craig Mazin, in doing so, proves that he is a virulent asshole now.