Helpful Hint: When A Man Proposes Marriage This Unethically, The Right Answer Is NO

Wow. What a classy proposal!

In Ohio, romantic Kyle Stump, 23, painted: “Michelle Marry Me. I Love You” and a heart—Awwwww!—- in  red letters on the side of a building in the city-owned shopping mall at Lake Sheffield, Ohio. His proposal covered 30 feet of wall space.

His girl friend Michelle Astorino still missed it until Stump took her to the building one night with a flashlight.  She said “yes,” the fool. Then police arrested him based on a tip, and matched the handwriting on the wall to a form Stump had filled out in 2012.

Did you know they tried to catch Jack The Ripper the same way? But I digress.

Stump pleaded no contest to the misdemeanor charge of criminal mischief  and was sentenced to 60 days in jail with a $500 fine. The jail term was suspended as was most of the fine, but Romeo will have to pay $332 to sandblast the wall clean, and has to perform 80 hours of community service.

“They don’t have to be so hard on me,” Stump complained to the media. If I were the judge, that comment would be enough to make me reinstate the jail time and the full fine.

He says the legal setback means he’ll have to buy an engagement ring on an installment plan. Did I already say “Awwww!”?

“We’ve basically just brushed it off and are excited about our engagement,” Michelle told “Inside Edition.” “It’s still a crime, we understand that, but, I mean, it’s not that serious.”

No, you moron, in fact defacing public property or any property is very serious, and it doesn’t matter if you’re defacing it with “Hitler Rocks!” or “Give Peace A Chance.” It’s destruction of property, wastes scarce public funds,  shows disrespect to your neighbors and community, and proves your honey-bunny has the basic ethics comprehension of a terrier.

Well, at least it’s a good match..

Both of you are idiots.

Please don’t have kids.


Pointer: Fred

12 thoughts on “Helpful Hint: When A Man Proposes Marriage This Unethically, The Right Answer Is NO

  1. Graffiti is art! It allows people to express themselves! Particularly those oppressed by the patriarchy and members of other at-risk communities! Private property is just a capitalist construct! You’re a bigot! And a racist!

  2. Somehow I don’t think this is the first time Stumpie has tagged a public or commercial building. I sincerely hope his community service includes packing up trash on freeways. He better save his money for the first months rent in a skankie trailer park instead of buying Michelle a ring.

  3. Another symptom of self-absorption so prevalent these days, and played up by a media looking to get ratings by giving attention whores their fifteen minutes of fame. Too many people who are too ordinary to really matter still think that their love or their child transcends being ordinary to the point where the laws that apply to the rest of us are suspended when those things are involved. That’s why we get what should be relatively private things like proposals turned into public spectacles and children where they don’t really belong, like some of my law school classmates insisting on holding their newborns on their laps through graduation and walking across the stage with them. I couldn’t help but suppress a smile of satisfaction at a festival in PA when someone’s daughters, who were about 5 and 4, insisted on getting up in front of the stage and trying to dance like the Irish dancers everyone had come to see, and mom was jolted out of her cell-phone filming by event staff and told to get them back in their seats, the festival attendees paid to see the listed performers, not clueless preschoolers, whether it was “soooo cute” or not. She gave the staffers a dirty look, but complied.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.