I’ve been searching my college memories…
Memory I: As a junior, I engineered an elaborate prank to steal a sofa from two classmates and friends who had swiped a sofa from two other students in their dorm. It almost worked, too: the pay-off was going to be when they visited our suite and saw their sofa there. The plan fell apart, and the original owners even got their sofa back.
Question: Should this episode, which technically involved attempted theft, disqualify me for some positions as an adult and professional?
Memory II: I dimly recall that one of my roommates once put a traffic cone over his head and face, carried a broom as a baton, and paraded naked around a room in our suite singing “Can’t get enough of those Sugar Crisp!” as another roommate was engaged with a date.
Question: Is this incident legitimate information to send to a potential employer?
- I can’t remember if he was naked, or wearing briefs, but I THINK he was naked.
- The woman thought it was hilarious.
- He went on to become a beloved father, teacher, soccer coach and high school principal
Memory III: At a cast party when I was a college freshman and only 17 years old, a gorgeous female chorus member whom I barely knew got incredibly drunk, pushed me on a sofa, and began kissing and groping me. I removed myself from under her–I was not drunk at all—took her back to her dorm room, and put her to bed.
Question: Would I be justified in reporting this incident to the news media and the Senate if she were a SCOTUS candidate today?
- The fact that a young woman that beautiful, drunk or not, would take any interest in me, a skinny, glasses-wearing nerd who had never even kissed a girl yet made me happy for…hell, it still makes me happy. I’ll remember her, her name, and that surprise “assault” til the day I die.
Bonus question: Who was the Sugar Crisp Bear imitating?