This week, Superior Court Judge Kimberly Knill ordered the billionaire bond investor Bill Gross and his partner Amy Schwartz, to stop violating the noise ordinances of the Laguna Beach municipal code by playing the “Gilligan’s Island” theme song music on their outdoor speakers. Evidence showed that music was played so loudly it could be heard inside neighbor Mark Towfiq’s—he’s also a billionaire— home despite concrete construction and half-inch-thick, dual-pane windows.
Why was the couple inflicting the infamous earworm on their neighbor? It seems the music started when Towfiw objected to the Gross estate erecting the ugly plastic netting around a huge glass sculpture that they had installed in their back yard. When he complained, Gross, 76, and Schwartz, 51 retaliated by claiming their neighbor was a Peeping Tom. Then the the couple started inviting him to sit right down as they told a tale about a three hour tour, night after night.
The litigation, which involved teams of high-priced lawyers on both sides, commenced November 9. A city code enforcement official testified that Gross and Schwartz said they would lower the music if Towfiq dropped his complaint about the sculpture. Towfiq’s lawyers presented a text from Gross responding to their client’s request to turn down the music in which Gross wrote, “Peace on all fronts or we’ll just have nightly concerts big boy.”
Not so, Gross and Schwartz’s lawyers told the court. Their clients weren’t trying to harass their neighbor by playing the Gilligan ditty night and day, not at all. They said they just really, really liked the song. Schwartz testified, under oath, mind you, that once she and Gross discovered that the opening credits to “Gilligan’s Island” featured a scene shot in Newport Beach that was identical to a view from another home they have there, they couldn’t get enough of the tune.
Right. I have to wonder about any lawyer who would allow a client to take the stand and make a claim like that. But that’s Gross and Schwartz’s story, and they are sticking to it. After losing the “Gilligan’s Island” phase of the dispute—there are two more trials coming—Gross issued a statement saying he would “continue to dance the night away, ‘Gilligan’s Island’ forever.”
It is estimated that Gross has spent about $500,000 on the matter.
Ethics Alarms 
My late father used to relish in pointing out people who “have more dollars than sense.” I believe these folks fall squarely into that category. The lawyers are snickering all the way to the bank.
“Discourage litigation. Persuade your neighbors to compromise whenever you can. Point out to them how the nominal winner is often a real loser — in fees, expenses, and waste of time. As a peacemaker the lawyer has a superior opportunity of being a good man. There will still be business enough.”
-Abraham Lincoln
People who blow $500,000 on something this stupid are why classists can get away with bashing the rich and demanding that we take all their money to redistribute to the poor.
Yup. Absolutely. The very rich have always made that argument attractive.
If Amy Schwartz was related somehow to Sherwood Schwartz, they could have simply told the judge they were playing the theme song in memory of the producer of Gilligan’s Island and their beloved relative. It makes about as much sense as their current defense.
I am awash in shame for not making that connection.
How can anyone hire or interview Bill Gross as an expert going forward?
What is the purpose of the plastic netting? To protect the sculpture? Why have the sculpture if you’re just going to surround it with the ugliest material you can find in the Home Depot clearance aisle? What the hell?
I’m not proud to admit it, but I always find it highly amusing when two assholes who have deep reserves of “fuck you” money get into a pissing contest, and the “Gilligan’s Island” angle *is* inspired, if we’re awarding points for creativity.
Morning everyone, Merry Christmas! (Late as I’ve been traveling and stupid tired.)
On this topic, a good friend of mine is tangentially involved in this case, when asked about it his response was “shut up, I don’t want to talk about it, I’m dumber for it.” The only reasonable response.