The standard issue virtue-signaling woke gibberish above introduces Michigan State University’s “Strategic Plan,” which is more virtue-signaling woke gibberish. You can’t “empower excellence” if you “advance equity,” since equity now means “pay no attention to excellence or actual qualifications and ability, the goal is to make sure everyone gets to the same place.” That requires penalizing excellence, or hobbling it. The strategic plan itself is introduced with this consultant-speak blather: “We envision a Michigan State University that has significantly expanded opportunity and advanced equity, elevated its excellence in ways that attach vital talent and support, and has a vibrant, caring community. Our trajectory is positive, and our will is legendary. We can and will achieve more in the decade ahead.”

Ramalalama-ding-dong! But that’s not what prompts this post.

One of the ways MSU seeks to achieve its goals is by limiting WrongThink through the meticulous constriction of language using the excuse of, you guessed it, “Diversity, Equity and Inclusion.” On the MSU website, this is introduced by this self-contradictory, indeed Orwellian graphic:

Oh.

What????

Would you really want to send your kids to be “educated” by a school that thinks that’s profound, or even coherent…or grammatical?

But that is still not the best part. For the page where that brain-hurting sentiment appears, “Storytelling,” leads readers determined to lobotomize themselves to the MSU “Inclusive Guide” which tells those “exceptional minds” how to speak and think without upsetting Woke World. “The guide aligns with the MSU Editorial Style Guide and includes recommendations informing images, web content, speeches, events and more,” the proles are told.

Here are my favorite entries in the various categories of the guide. I’ll let Sam introduce them:

And the winners are…

First, from the Gender and Sexuality self-censorship category:

“Avoid the term “nickname,” which implies that a person’s name is a substitute for their legal name.”

Note that throughout its website, MSU refers to members of the university community as “Spartans,” which is undeniably a nickname. It is also, for those who use such concepts, and of course MSU does, “cultural appropriation.” I, for example, am a Spartan: my mother’s family came from Sparta. MSU students, staff, faculty and administrators are, with a few exceptions, not.

In the Race and Ethnicity GoodSpeak category:

• Use Latinx for any source who selects it and as an all-gender adjective to describe large groups such as Latinx voters. On first reference, include a brief explanation: “Latinx is a gender-inclusive description of people of Latin American descent who live in the United States.”

• Latine (la-TEEN-eh) is another gender-inclusive alternative to Latinx that is easier to pronounce and the -e already exists as a gender-neutral form in Spanish. Use Latine over Latinx but always defer to a person’s preference.

Try as I may, I can’t figure out what “source who selects it” means. Do Hispanics have to take a survey before you can speak to them or about them?

From the generally hilarious “Global Identity” brain-cleansing section:

In winter and spring, avoid references to majority religious imagery and language, such as the word “merry” or “Christmas trees,” “wreaths,” “holly,” “bells,” “gifts,” “reindeer,” “bunnies,” “eggs” and “chicks.” Use terms like “wishing you a wonderful winter/spring break” or “best wishes for the new year.”

Boy, being “exceptional” is hard. So there are seasonal differences in what words are offensive and when. It’s OK to use “bunny” in the summer, for example, but when I said to my neighbor’s little girl yesterday, “Look! There’s a bunny!” (because there was one on her family’s lawn) that risked offending her if she happened to be a Satanist because it is Spring. And what if someone has a birthday in December, like, say, me? I guess gifts are out for us Winter babies…no wait, I think that’s only if you are a fake Spartan, not a real one. Right?

Finally, the winner in the really complicated and especially Orwellian Disability category:

The term “substance abuse” is considered outdated and perpetuates shame and trauma. Instead, use “substance use” or “substance use disorder.”

Use and abuse are the same thing! I did not know that! Boy, a college education is so enlightening. And breaking the law certainly shouldn’t be the source of shame!

Now a few random thoughts before I hurl myself into a woodchipper, and no, I might not be fooling:

• Who are these people? How did the get control of a major university?
• How did they get this way? It couldn’t have happened overnight.
• Does anyone actually read this crap, or is it just online so these Woke virus victims can puff up their little chests with pride?
• MSU needs to be mocked and derided for this, as loudly and continually as possible, until nobody is comfortable admitting they have any connection to the silly place, and alumni and students unite to make this insanity stop.
• Yeah, I know MSU says I can’t say “insanity” because it’s “ableist” language that implies that being crazy as a loon is a bad thing.

MSU can bite me.